Is She a Lesbian - Hands in Pockets

submitted by sallyseton from self.Lesbians

Is this a telltale sign? I'm trying to figure out if a low femme woman at the dog park is a lady loving lady. She was standing with her hands in the front pockets of her jean shorts beside her lovely rescue dog, totally defying my gaydar. Help a shy sister out who's overthinking this instead of having an actual conversation with this dog mom goddess.

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[–][deleted] 23 insightful - 7 fun23 insightful - 6 fun24 insightful - 7 fun -  (5 children)

How did she walk? If she couldn’t sustain eye contact that’s a good sign. Lol.

I find that when I see a lesbian in the wild, and she sees me seeing her (or the other way around), we immediately break eye contact. It’s like a little shock, like someone saw through your invisibility cloak. It’s like we try not to look at eachother after that because it feels exposed, but keep looking when she’s not looking. See if you can catch her checking you out, lol.

In the last 10 years I make a point of maintaining eye contact long enough that she knows I am seeing her, but without being creepy. One time a woman smiled and winked and then showed me her wedding ring. Ha! I was right, but she was married.

[–]sallyseton[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Hell yeah I know that game. Eye contact is a MAJOR sign. Alas she was wearing sunglasses. And her walk was normal.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (3 children)

Damn! sometimes when I see a woman walking I am like “okay, that’s definitely a gay walk. No straight woman would walk like that....”

[–]yousaythosethings 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

What do you think are the telltale signs of a lesbian walk?

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Shoulders back, chin up. Doesn’t matter if they are stomping around or strutting. I find lesbians just move differently through the world. Less self-conscious, or at least not self-conscious in the same way as straight women. Lesbians don’t tend to look fawning and naive, not that all straight women do or anything, it’s just different.

[–]yousaythosethings 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

I don’t know if it’s telltale sign necessarily but I’m femme and naturally gravitate toward holding my hands in my pockets regardless of whether it’s cold and I think it’s definitely part of my “vibe.”

Edit: I checked myself and how I tend to default in how I stand and it’s specifically hands in my pockets with my legs at a wide stance. It’s actually pretty funny because sometimes what I’m wearing doesn’t have pockets and my hands just end up feeling around fruitlessly and I must look really lost lol. When looking in the mirror this does look pretty gay to me, especially the stark contrast with the femininity of clothing, hair, makeup I often wear.

I am interested to hear the thoughts of others on this.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (7 children)

I put my hands in my pockets because I don’t know what to do with them.

[–]yousaythosethings 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Yes that’s definitely part of it. I have very gangly arms and can be very expressive with my hands so putting them in my pocket feels comfortable and having them hang by my side feels awkward. Standing with my feet apart also feels comfortable and balanced.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lesbians just seem to have a different level of comfort.

[–]oofreesouloo 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (4 children)

Omg, me too what the hell. I didn't know this was a common factor between lesbians. I sometimes look like a moron because most women's pants have really small pockets (WHY?!) and I just look double moron between trying to put my hand in a clearly miniscule pocket and taking it off and becoming super uncomfortable having nowhere to put my hands 🤪 And I'm constantly like this 🤦

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]hermiona52 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Oh my favorite pair of jeans are of boyfriend type, I could fit my wallet, keys, phone AND my hand in each pocket. And they are so comfortable. I'll probably grieve once I wear them out.

    [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

    lol. Those tiny pockets! Even worse, the FAKE POCKETS.

    I use my pockets so much my boss was like “Hey, don’t look so casual.” Lolol.

    [–]nothankyou 3 insightful - 6 fun3 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

    The dreaded tiny pockets. Even still, I can't help but try and shove my hands in them like a cat trying to fit into a box 5x smaller and trying to pass off looking casual.

    [–]11mile_house 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

    I don't think that's a thing? You're def just gonna have to talk to her.

    On a side note, we should totally come up with some sort of secret signal for each other.

    [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 5 fun8 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

    Bring back flagging/hanky code

    [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Lesbians should totally bring this back, but instead of the back pocket, it’s the front

    [–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Thank you OP for making me laugh. Of course not! I don't think there's any single physical surefire sign that a woman is into women. Sometimes you get a vibe or little hints from the overall way a woman carries herself or interacts with women versus men, but the best way to find out is directly from the woman of interest.

    [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Hands in pockets is not a sign, lots of women have their hands in their pockets. As a femme, always attracted to butch women, there is not a specific sign that you could guarantee.

    It is more of a gut-feeling for me. Butch lesbians can’t really tell the difference between lesbians that are femme or are straight women. Eye contact, is very important.

    I did always notice that when I was out with a date or partner, that my partners would get the slight head nod when we would pass another butch.

    For you, you have your dog, she has her dog, go over, strike up a casual conversation, tell her how cute her dog is and talk about dogs with her! You have the best reason of all. Everyone loves to talk about dogs at a dog park.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]sallyseton[S] 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      I heard it was a thing and have noticed that my straight girlfriends never put their hands in their pockets. Like ever. I did some online research and read a long L Chat thread about it with pictures of celesbians and apparently it's a giveaway.

      [–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I don't have much to add except that I put my hands in my pockets all the time because it feels natural, or because I don't know what else to do with them.

      Good luck!

      [–]beereadit 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      The best way to find out is by asking or if you're really too shy, you just friendly approach her and while chatting up bring up if she has a partner, for one you will know if she is single and lastly if she is straight she will definitely start talking about her boyfriend otherwise if she seems more private then jump ahead and say that you're single and looking for other lesbians in the city or something... Etc.

      Good luck!

      [–]IamWomanHearMeRoar 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

      Pictures? ;)