How Can We Reclaim "Lesbian"?

submitted by LesbiSilly from self.Lesbians

I was looking at the archives posted on here from the Reddit site and someone was posting about how Lesbian seems like a dirty word (http://archive.vn/NfMxn) . And funny enough, I came across a post a few weeks ago online, (http://www.newnownext.com/queer-lesbian-women-language/08/2018/). This was found due to the fact on Tumblr (where I have a blog) I was getting tired of people using ""WLW"" and I realised looking back, in the last few years, there are LESS and LESS Lesbians.

How to we take BACK this term and finally get rid of 'Queer' a term I learned was offensive when I was young and just out. (I still hate it's use now. Thankfully, I have never heard it said to me and hugs to all who have).

Why do we have to put up with this ""Queer"" '''WLW""" crap? HOW CAN WE BECOME LESBIANS AGAIN?

(Also, I am so sorry for posting so much today. I think I am just relieved your forum still exists and I can finally speak my mind.)

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[–]writerlylesbian 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I think it's a case where leading by example is most helpful. A lot of the tumblr types who are using WLW and Queer etc. - It's all they know. It's not much good trying to argue with them, because a lot of them have a very limited and skewed perspective on the history of the LGB movement.

Being able to SEE the alternative in action is when the penny seems to drop for a lot of them.

So - use the word lesbian. Explain why you choose to use that word, over other words. Support those groups that are about re-claiming lesbianism for lesbians, like Get the L Out, or the new LGB group that's started up in the UK (which is very clear about the need to specifically support lesbians in particular because of the QT stuff).

If you're going to start a group - even just a small group that's just for a few friends, people you know or whatever - then be clear. It's lesbian only. If someone comes along who is bi, or queer, or WLW, and wants in, say no, it's for lesbians, and send them on their way.

Make it clear that all those other groups are not lesbians, and do not represent lesbians, as far as you are concerned. Don't enable your own erasure when you can help it.

[–][deleted] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Lesbian is specific. I ramble a lot but don’t waste time getting to the point with lesbian. All the other words are good because non-lesbians can take their pick and leave lesbianing to the damn lesbians. Lesbian meaning “terf” now is actually a bonus because people who are not lesbians avoid it. Also since “bisexual” is sometimes called “transphobic” bisexuals have a chance to reclaim that label and use it for the good of humanity.

[–]LesbiSilly[S] 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I would be called a Terf no matter what, so I joined the 'darkside'. Because my sexual orientation is not a gender. Fuck them and everyone who changed the definition.

[–]LesbiSilly[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Thank you so much for this. I want to support LGB groups, but I worry about my job if Trans Radicals find me somehow. My profession is small and everyone knows one another. But I will always be Lesbian. And yeah, I will attempt to stand up for myself and my fellows Lesbians. I am mad that the other day, I didn't correct someone for calling themselves a lesbian. :(

[–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

the more you speak up, the easier it gets.

[–]LesbiSilly[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks!

[–]yayblueberries 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Pretty much. It seems like everybody wants to play label games these days so I can play them too. I come right out and correct people if they use "queer" and want me involved. To me it is like others demanding I use their pronouns and them rejecting pronouns others use for them. I am rejecting THEIR labels they use for ME.

I actually just sent an email to an Audubon chapter about their "queer walks" because I wondered if lesbians weren't included since we aren't a bunch of queers. I'm sure whomever reads it won't be too happy but I don't care. I'm not queer. The only way I ever heard queer used about a million times growing up was in my own household by my father and never in a positive way. He intended it as a slur because it is one.

[–]LesbiSilly[S] 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I like this idea. Also sorry your dad was homophobic. Hugs for you from me. And your post made me wonder something. If 'queer' since it seems to be taking over lgb, is it becoming a slur again but in a queer way? Pun intended.

[–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

By calling oneself a lesbian, and continuing to speak up against queer theory, we can reclaim the use of the word lesbian. It’s not going anywhere as long as we can encourage other lesbians to know that it’s okay to call oneself a lesbian with pride

[–]LesbiSilly[S] 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (7 children)

Thanks. I will do what I can. I am Lesbian for life! And PROUD AS FUCK! Thank you all so much.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

That’s the spirit! You are standing in pussy power. Lol

https://youtu.be/_VB0m04Ifks

[–]LesbiSilly[S] 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you! :)

PUSSY RIOT!!!

[–]LesbiSilly[S] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Thank You! (I feel so proud right now!)

[–]oofreesouloo 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

Pussy 🤤

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Right!? My favourite

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

You’re welcome, stay strong stay proud!!

[–]LesbiSilly[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

:)

[–][deleted]  (4 children)

[deleted]

    [–]LesbiSilly[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    I hate the term 'Queer', because it still SEEMS RUDE to me. And yeah, I wanted to distance myself from it up until literally YESTERDAY, because I was struggling with sexism and feeling 'lesser'. I also didn't want to be a LESBIAN in the past because... I don't know. I had good role models who were, but for some reason, I decided that Gay fit me. I think it was that I didn't like being a lady and lesbian meant lady.

    I don't know why people respect people who use 'homosexual' more. I guess because it's a medical term and is more clear? (Somehow??)

    I know! I think anyone on here who is on a dating app should use Lesbian or True Lesbian so we know they really are. Or something like that.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]LesbiSilly[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      It would be hella cute. But you're right, we don't want people to catch on! It really shouldn't be this DIFFICULT! UGH! I hope we can use Lesbian the way it's meant to be. Also, I looked up Lesbian Groups in my area, but there were NONE! Nor were there support groups for Lesbians. T_T Only queer shit. Boooo....

      [–]yayblueberries 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I think using "queer" in place of "lesbian" also gives those who like to say "sexuality is on a spectrum" license to keep saying it although I think it is total bullshit. It's also an attempt at being inclusive of garbage such as transbians and the trend of bisexual women saying they are lesbians sometimes and then going on and having sex with loads of dudes on Tinder because they don't feel satisfied entirely by a vagina.

      I use "gay woman" a lot too but hold "lesbian" dear to my heart. It seems like I am just old enough where I stopped caring about society going insane with 52 genders and the sexuality spectrum. All of that guilt-tripped and manipulation never worked on me.

      [–]WildwoodFlower 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      I think the best way to reclaim "lesbian" is to keep using it the way it is meant to be used. I don't use "queer" or "dyke" myself. I am okay with other people using those words on a strictly in-house, in-group basis (the same way some African-Americans call themselves or each other the N-word), but I do get offended when I hear those words from straight people or the I-kissed-a-girl-once-when-I-was-drunk types. WLW might work online, but it sounds awkward when spoken out loud. It sounds like the name of a professional wrestling conglomerate. Sapphic? I don't find it offensive or inoffensive personally. But it seems more like a word that would describe a thing (i.e. a Sapphic sculpture) than a person, or a group of people. I do refer to myself as gay sometimes, although I know some people consider it a male-only term. It works for me in a cultural sense because I actually relate more to certain elements of gay culture than I do to lesbian culture. (For example, I would rather see a Broadway musical or go disco dancing than attend a womyn's music festival because the idea of camping in the woods makes me itch.)

      [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

      Wlw is ugh. Sapphic is UGH. Lesbian all the way. I also love “dyke.” Obviously

      [–]writerlylesbian 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

      I don't like Sapphic because the only ones I've seen embrace that term are all transwomen. It's weird.

      [–][deleted] 12 insightful - 8 fun12 insightful - 7 fun13 insightful - 8 fun -  (5 children)

      Also annoying queer academics. And by queer I mean straight but got erect nipples over Angelina Jolie once.

      [–]writerlylesbian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

      yeah, I seriously can't stand the straight-queer academics.

      [–]LesbiSilly[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Fuck them all.

      [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      can someone elaborate on what a queer-straight academic is? thanks!

      [–]writerlylesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Basically what the commenter above me said. A straight person who feels 'queer' because they once did some minor thing like kissed a girl/got the hots watching two men kiss/said they fancied this or that famous person. These people are rife in academia, and they absolutely LOVE queer theory because it gives them a way to makes themselves feel rebellious and insert themselves into the gay movement.

      One of the central tenants of queer theory is that social change comes about via individuals who rebel against social norms, including heterosexuality (not via doing boring political advocacy cos that's no fun!). So these het dumb asses position themselves as being sexual rebels because they once 'transgressed' heterosexual norms in some extremely minor way, and then have the gall to think they know what it means to be LGB.

      There's a lot of criticisms to be made of queer theory, but one thing that has always really peeved me about it is that it very much positions LGB people as being freaks/outsiders/transgressors/weirdos etc. It's actually the opposite of what the gay movement fought for, which was for same-sex attracted people to get to live normal lives like everyone else. So when these heterosexual academics get all fired up about queer theory, it's also because they sub-consciously view LGB people as being freaks and whatever else, and can legitimise that homophobia via adopting queer theory. Also, there's a lot of weird fetishisation of gay people that goes on amongst them. I despise them.

      [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      ohhhhh. thanks so much for your well thought out answer! :)

      [–]LesbiSilly[S] 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      I honestly hate 'Sapphic' as well and I don't like Sappho, because I think she was a creep. Greek or not. And I love Ancient History.

      [–]Dykexmachina 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Always avoid any "ambiguous" terms that are often used in place of lesbian, like WLW/sapphic/queer. Queer is the worst imo not because it's a slur but because it completely de-specifies (often intentionally) the meaning of lesbian. It can mean anything. I just stick to using lesbian or dyke for myself. In some cases, like when I'm talking to ~queer~ types who don't seem to understand what lesbian actually means, I'll use female homosexual and lesbian interchangeably.

      [–]Fuckyoucensorship 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Any idea what sapphic means? I see it every where and I have yet to find a concrete definition.