all 37 comments

[–]VioletRemi 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I always liked women, but never know that it is possible to be in relationship with a women. So I was only looking at my classmates, and almost never was looking at boys. There were no information about any gay relationship. Just when I hit 18, I married on a good man (and he was really amazing and good person), but I still felt very off, I thought I am wrong or something, however because of some events not directly connected to me or him - we divorced. I was a student back then, and I was pretty sad. I lived in dormitory with 5 other women, and I asked to move to less crowded room to bear with my depression, and I was moved into 2-women room. Room was very small, so we had only one big bed instead of two. And when we started sleeping, I was blown away by her scent and her sleeping, so at one night I kissed her for some reason, and that was amazing, I realized it is what I want. And she was in America as exchange student few times, so she knew about LGB a bit, so we ended having sex that night, and started secret relationship. I did not know how it is called back then, word "lesbian" I learned only few years after. When other students learned about our relationship, I was beaten and almost "correctivelly" raped, but Principle saw that and stopped them, however she was still okay for them beating me "as a lesson". Because of all this hate and me feeling my "wrongfulness" I tried dating boys againg, but...I felt nothing, it always felt wrong. So I ended up again dating other girls. It was really hard to find another lesbian in such homophobic society.

[–][deleted]  (2 children)


    [–]VioletRemi 17 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 3 fun18 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

    Well, they were speaking something about "she will learn dick and become normal person". And principle was walking nearby and was like "she was married, so she just lost, leave her". And just went away igroing that i am covered in blood, and then guys went away too. And I did not went to police as well, as I saw them mocking gay man before. With me it would be same or even worse. Times since changed, laws are there, but people still looking at homosexualism with disgust.

    [–]Innisfree 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Times since changed, laws are there, but people still looking at homosexualism with disgust.


    [–][deleted] 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I've always liked girls and women as a child, but I never realized I was different from other women until the lesbophobic taunting started. That's when I started to do everything in my power to try and "convert" myself. For so long I was in denial, pretending I could make myself fall in love with a guy if I just tried or ignored everything that made men, men. After many years of struggling against internalized homophobia and realizing there was no changing my sexuality I finally had to face the music.

    I love being a lesbian. I would not trade it for anything in the world. Do I wish I would have accepted myself sooner? Yes. But I'm happy with where I am now. If only the outside world would catch up I'd be in heaven.

    [–]CatsOrGoHome 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

    I knew I liked girls as far back as my earliest memories when I thought Emma Watson and a girl in kindergarten were pretty. Even though I knew 100 percent I was only into girls, I called myself bisexual because of pressure and wanted to believe I might eventually find a guy cute. I never did and gave up that crazy pipe dream and started to embrace calling myself a lesbian in 8th grade.

    [–]SailorMoon2020 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

    It's funny you mentioned Emma Watson because Hermonie Granger was my one in middle school. I remember reading the Prisoner of Azkaban, and saw there was a chapter missing from the book since it belonged to the library. The chapter was called 'Hermione's Secret'. My little gay self thought the chapter was torn out of the book because Hermione was gay and liked Ginny. Since it still taboo to be same sex-ed attracted, I thought it was torn out to "protect the children".

    [–]CatsOrGoHome 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

    That is really funny. I use to read Harry Potter fanfics and Hermione and Ginny were a popular femmeslash ship. Hermione and Bellatrix too for some reason.

    [–]SailorMoon2020 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

    Ginny and Hermione I understand but I too was just at a lost with the whole Bellatrix and Hermione. I remember sitting at the computer desk in the library during lunch in middle school, looking at the screen like, "what in the fuck?"

    [–]CatsOrGoHome 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

    The fanfics were... interesting, to put it mildly. Lol.

    [–]SailorMoon2020 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    They were...people are quite odd. (The Harry and Snape ones were a mess and disgusting but let's not derail the thread LOL)

    [–]Lessom 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I knew I liked girls at 6 years old as I had a crush on a girl in school. I was around 11 when I found out what a lesbian was and how we were perceived negatively by some including my religious family.

    Then I spent my teenage years being ashamed about it and desperately wanting to be straight. So Tried feeling things for boys to gain acceptance and it just wouldn’t happen. My eyes were solely focused on the pretty girls even when I didn’t want them to lol

    I was around 19 years old when I stopped believing in religion and accepted being a lesbian.

    [–]Rubyredpython 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I've always liked women but I didn't realize I was a lesbian until my 20s then looking back I was like, "wow, I was so gay and didn't even know it". 😅

    Me coming out to myself was like the universe finally slapping me in the face because the gentle nudges weren't working. I was watching a show that had a coming out arch and it was so similar to what I was feeling that I finally realized "oh shit, I'm gay!" Like everything made sense, my lack of interest in men and not wanting to date them and all my crushes that I didn't know were crushes at the time. At one point I thought I was asexual because I had zero interest in men. That was also the first year I fell hard for a woman and knew for a fact I was gay. Apparently, everyone else around me knew I was a lesbian long before I did. 😂

    [–]loona 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Since I was 5, I've always known I liked women tbh. I think one of my first crushes at that age was the Pink Power Ranger, Kimberly, and Miss Honey from Matilda :P The only guys I've ever had even the tiniest hints of crushes on all turned out to be gay and were some-what feminine lmao.

    I never really made it a big deal about liking the same sex, and I'm sure I had people speculate about me in high school but I never really cared. It wasn't until my mid-20s that I fully came out tho.

    [–]marigold 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Miss Honey was one of my first crushes too! 😊

    [–]whateverman 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I knew since I was a tween, but I was too ashamed to really admit it to myself until I was in my early twenties.

    [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)


    [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    i knew it when i was in kindergarten. i was 5. there was this cute girl in my class who had given a love letter (something like "i like you. do you like me?") to a boy in the class and he had been a dick and showed it to everyone so they were all making fun of her. and i told her that if she had given me the love letter i would have been glad to have it. i wanted to make her feel better and i genuinely thought she was cute.

    [–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

    Not until I was 34 / 35, even though people have been calling me gay since I was 10. I get kind of mad at myself when I think about it.

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    How did you figure it out?

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 4 fun2 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 4 fun -  (3 children)

    I would go through these cycles of getting lonely and making dating profiles to try to date men, calling things off before physical contact could escalate, and withdrawing back into asexuality. Around 33 or 34, I made a dating profile and took a curious look through the women. That wasn't unusual for me, but I always looked at straight women and never found anyone particularly attractive, so I would tell myself I wasn't gay as a result. That's something I did a lot, find reasons to declare myself "not gay" - like I remember in the 90s all the guys were crazy about Jennifer Love Hewitt, and I told myself I couldn't be gay because I thought she was pretty plain and I'd conveniently ignore all the attractive celebrities where I did agree with men. And I would fantasize about women a lot, but I'd always create elaborate frameworks even in the fantasy, like having to prostitute myself to a rich older lady and in my mind that wouldn't be gay because in my fantasy I really needed the money. I swear I'm a moron.

    Anyway, for whatever reason, this time I tried looking at profiles of women looking for other women. I'm not even sure why because I was still pretty firm on not being gay, I was just curious what a lesbian profile looked like. And looking through the profiles, I must have found about a dozen or so women where the thought of dating them gave me butterflies instead of dread like I felt when looking at men's profiles or disinterested boredom like I felt when looking at straight women's profiles. I don't know what it is, but knowing the attractive woman in the picture might find me attractive too made a huge difference in how I reacted to them. And after that, I just sort of got haunted by the idea of being with women instead, and I couldn't keep my mind off daydreaming about it.

    I took it really slow though. I started making throwaway accounts to ask for advice on relationship subreddits or posting anonymously on 4chan's /adv/ and /lgbt/ boards asking what people would think of someone starting to date the same sex so late in life, if I should be upfront about my inexperience, how gay dating differed from straight dating, etc. I got a lot of encouragement, but one post admonished me and told me no one wants to be my experiment and that really stayed with me, so I told myself I'd give myself 6 months to think about it and if I still wanted to date women, I'd start doing so. And once I did it was just totally different - all the sexual hang ups I thought I had I didn't actually have, I started looking forward to meeting women (most of the time anyway, there were still a few that were a chore), getting really bummed out if someone didn't like me instead of relieved, hoping for dates to end in some sort of physical contact instead of purposefully avoiding it, etc.

    I used "bisexual" for a year or so, even though I knew by that point I had no interest in men. It just felt more respectful? I can look back at my life and see times I should have known or girls and women I probably had crushes on, but I mostly find that really depressing so I try not to dwell on it.

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Awwwwwww. This is actually very sweet. Did you find a girlfriend and try it all out yet?

    [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Oh jeez, not even close. I have had a handful of one night stands and a then a string of 1-3 dates that never went anywhere. I'm still learning how to navigate lesbian relationships and some of it is still very weird to me - like I tend to be the more masculine one so they seem to expect me to take the lead and be the pursuer, which... joke's on them.

    Then I was having a bit of a dry spell that was ruining what little confidence I had so I decided to step back and focus on school for a semester and start dating again in early 2020 and yeaaaaah, with COVID I'm now nearing something like a year since I went on a date. I currently have active profiles on Tinder and Bumble, but I just can't even be bothered to check them, even though I kind of like the idea of social distance dating via Zoom or whatever.

    I think once COVID is over, I'm going to just try to be more social and hopefully meet someone that way - become friends first and then start up a relationship. I don't think dating, and online dating especially, works for me. Even all the women I find my mind drifting to during quarantine were women I would see out in real life and now I'm wishing I had made more of an effort to be friends with them, if nothing else, so I could at least text them or something. I don't really think about any women I met through online dating at all, and don't really regret not making more of an effort there.

    [–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I am always surprised with the existence of an apparently sizeable swath of lesbians who assume more masculine dykes are going to “take the lead.” Masculine dykes literally never take the lead, like NEVERRR. Okay, maybe occasionally because nothing is absolute, but definitely not at first. Are you shy?

    Online dating is hard because people are so different in person. The majority of my biggest loves were women I met in the world. It can be pretty intimidating to just approach babes in the wild. I got over that fear, or at least accepted it by making the effort to talk to women I was attracted to despite the near-constant heart-attack feeling. Lol. One woman would raise my heart rate by 30 beats per minute every time I saw her. Trying to think over that noise was tough. Lol. It gets a lot easier.

    Side story: The last time I was aggressively flirting back and forth with a woman I met sitting in a park, she told me she was non-binary and I may or may not have cringed. That put a damper on things. I had left my friend group to approach her friend group because they were hot and looked like a bunch of dykes. I was like “I’m going to meet babes, smell ya later” to my friends because I was trying to show off, and the non-binary thing sort of ruined my pull. A few years ago I would have had success. Lol. I am insufferable.

    Anyway, I know what you mean about COVID harshing your mellow. I haven’t worked or seen many people for months. I feel like I’ve been inside all year, and I am pretty lonely too.

    Did you know any of the women you’re remembering fondly?

    [–]Lesbianvodkaaunt 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I always thought girls were pretty, and I couldn’t understand why other girls were always talking about boys. I pretended to have a crush on a guy I was friends with in elementary school because my friends told me I had to have a crush on a guy. It totally fucked up our friendship. In 7th grade a girl my age moved in next door. I liked her but I didn’t know it then, so I just tried to be like her. She came out as bisexual, and I thought maybe I was bisexual too. I stuck with that for about a year or so. I dated a guy at the beginning of 9th grade and he was nice but I couldn’t figure out why I still just felt like we were friends. Around this time I started actually feel attracted to girls. (Before puberty I just thought they were pretty, and I was sort of a late bloomer). I came out as a lesbian around 15. I guess I knew I liked girls a long time before I knew I didn’t like boys the same way. I just thought other girls were weirdly obsessed with them. I always felt different though, so I guess being a lesbian affected my life before I even knew what a lesbian was, lol.

    [–]catsuneko 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Looking back at my childhood it was really obvious, I was always disgusted at the thought of being with a man and never wanted to get married. Instead I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a female "best friend" lol. But I didn't actually realize I liked girls until I was 13 when I developed a crush on a friend, however it didn't immediately click that I was a lesbian. I assumed I must be bi bc up until then I just assumed I was straight, and also I was into Tumblr at the time, where being bisexual is the woke thing to be. So for a while I thought I was bi, but I did realize I actually wasn't and it still didn't click I was lesbian and idk why but I then thought I was asexual, and I went through the embarrassing cycle of different Tumblr sexualities (cringe), frequently coming back to asexuality because of my lack of sexual attraction to men, and my complete disinterest in dating them. There were a few times during this when I thought maybe I was a lesbian, but I had a lot of internalized homophobia and according to the wokes lesbian=bad. I didn't fully come to terms with my sexuality until I was 18.

    [–]theysaidthat 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I knew when I was 10. A new girl joined our 5th grade class and I became smitten with her basically the first moment I saw her. I had suspected I felt differently about girls before that, but this experience confirmed that I "liked girls like boys did". Of course I had no idea that women dating women was an option back then lol.

    I remember telling my older sister about my crush, she said "no, you just really want to be her friend because she's pretty and popular, it's normal". I tried to tell her again when I was 14, after having had experience with guys and hating it. She told me I just hadn't found a guy I liked yet. I was "out" to my close friends and a few siblings as bi from that point forward. I vehemently denied not being straight to anyone else though, the older people in my family would not have tolerated it nor anyone at my Christian school. My sister begged me to find a guy I liked even just a little and be with him because it would make my life so much easier. This "bi" phase lasted until I was 21 and accepted I would never like men (and I really did try), and finally came out as a lesbian, damn what everyone thought. The funny thing is, the family members that would have been angry had already passed away at that point, and social acceptance had increased so much over that last decade that nobody in my family thought much of it after all.

    [–]al-Amira 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Well... I didn't have a word for it, but when everyone else in my class during the fourth grade started getting into relationships (which equated to holding hands during breaks) I wanted to do that with one of the girls in my class whom I thought was pretty. So I guess since I was like 10 years old. Was around the 7th grade that I actually got a word for it though.

    [–]PlayCardsNotPeople 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

    A few months into having sex with my first girlfriend at age 18 it started dawning on me.

    [–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    When I was preteen. I was about 11 when I started to realise I liked females. I thought I could be bisexual, because of pressure from others. I came out when I was 15, but other toxic people (obviously from the Q slur, most likely hetero), tried to invalidate me as a lesbian, because some turd nugget took advantage of me (nothing extremely terrible happened (still awful tho), because I'm a virgin). I then thought because of their bullying, maybe they're right, so I was back into the closet. Then, I came out again, saying those people are stupid and what the hell do they even know. People have done the same thing with my autism; I had internalised lesbophobia, austimphobia, and ableism when I was 14 years old, because of it. I for a while was once part of the TRA, but recently, I got away from them, because of some of them name calling me as "dense" and "transphobic".

    [–]HighlyDykely 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I kinda knew I was attracted to girls when I was a kid but it never really registered to me fully until sophomore year of highschool. There was this girl in my Latin class and I was absolutely over the moon for her but of course I never said anything to her other than the usual friendly stuff you say to any classmate XD Every so often I wonder if she could tell I felt something for her. Might have been a missed opportunity there lmao

    [–]XTenor 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    The first time I had a crush on anybody was a female friend when I was 5. I had crushes on various real and fictional girls when I was young, but I thought girls had to like boys, and that girls can't like other girls. I think I learned what being gay was when I was 12, and I identified with it, but I grew up in a really conservative, traditional, United Methodist family, so being gay was frowned upon. This was also a few months after same-sex marriage was legalized in the US, and I sat through many anti-gay sermons during that time, and I think that really impacted me. I tried to ignore that I'm attracted to women, and I tried to like guys, but I just couldn't. In high school I wondered why there were no hot guys, and I never dated anyone but I was never bothered about being single, yet I still tried to be straight. I finally accepted that I'm a lesbian halfway through my senior year (this past November/December, I was 18), and now I'm cool with it.

    [–]yousaythosethings 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    In high school I wondered why there were no hot guys, and I never dated anyone but I was never bothered about being single, yet I still tried to be straight.

    I feel this. I said that so many times. "Why are there no hot guys in our school?" "Girls are just inherently more attractive than boys." "The average girl is way more attractive than the average boy." "Boys are lucky because they get to date girls." I knew I found girls infinitely more physically attractive and interesting but I was still stuck on assuming I was straight and just felt anxiety towards boys/men. I was viewing all of my feelings through that lens. It would have helped if my very much straight female friends didn't just blindly agree when I said all these things because as it turns out they actually were into boys and did find them attractive. But their reassurances helped cement in my head that what I felt toward girls and later women were normal thoughts for a straight girl/woman to have and that these thoughts were intense and persistent because they were intrusive thoughts. Even when I talked to some of these friends about being attracted to women, no one understood it as me not being straight. What did I have to do or say for any of us to realize I was gay? They always joked about me being cold to boys/men and having no interest in flirting with boys/men. Almost every date I went on was set up by one of them. Despite all of this, when I came out later as gay it came out of nowhere to all of these friends even though I only had one male partner in my life.

    [–]vodkaconlimon 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I always found women much more interesting than men, and I remember looking at my female classmates with some interest since my childhood, but not-liking-men wasn't a concept I thought possible for me until I was 20. see, I thought I was bisexual since I was 14 but I realized I didn't like men after some unjoyable experiences with boys at clubs. and when I tried with girls it was so different, so that was the click for me. and that when I am drunk I only want women. after some thinking and reading about comp het, the fact I never liked kissing men and the thought of having any kind of contact with a dick or male body disgusts me finally made sense. so yeah, that was it for me. I'm still trying to accept this side of myself.

    [–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    So this was around the peak id say of my puberty, say around 15-16 yrs old that I finally discovered that I liked girls (despite being disillusioned to calling myself bi first because of internalized homophobia). I look back on small details from growing up and I just can’t believe I didn’t realize sooner! There were so many signs that I was a lesbian, but simply I didn’t know being lesbian was possible.

    [–]LesbiSilly 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Thanks to online forums like Gaia Online, I was introduced to LGBT (Back when things were... not so great.) And I thought I was asexual, because I didn't like guys. But then, talking to my mom, she said profound words to me, "you know you don't have to like guys." I think she said I could like girls and then I went off to sleep with cute 13 year old dreams of holding hands with my girlfriend who I was taking to meet my family.

    That's when I realised I liked women.

    It's been a roller-coaster, but I'm here and proud. Thanks mom and thanks my truly loving and accepting family. T_T

    [–]oofreesouloo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    13/14 - when puberty hit. I was suddenly "waaaaaaaaait a damn minute, women are hot as f*ck" lmao. There were obvious signs of me being lesbian before but I was too "blind" to see due to an heteronormative society. But as soon as puberty hit, women all the way 😂😍

    [–]nothankyou 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    So many signs were there early on. My first relationship was with a girl. We were high school sweethearts, though neither of us was out of the closet and I accepted the bi label at first just to not be gay. This was back in the early 2000s so still a bit taboo at the time to be out of the closet where we were even though people had their suspicions and taunted me for it. The taunting pushed me further in the closet and then I swore to be with men to prove the others wrong, that I was a Grade A Straight™️. I did the straight thing for a couple years, nearly married a dude, and after the second try was like "this isn't me, peace out dudes forever". I knew I was a lesbian for real when I told myself "I will never have to touch a dick again! :D". That and all the other obvious reasons I willfully ignored for so long.