Bi girls and threesomes

submitted by Astrid2448 from self.Lesbians

DAE get annoyed with how bi girls act about having threesomes, poly relationships, etc? It’s like... they act like it’s this big, special, open and trendy thing when almost every straight guy on the planet (who is usually the one in charge of these relationships) encourages it. Lesbian and bi fetishization is widespread. The media encourages it, men encourage it, and liberal people in general applaud it. But suddenly when they do it it’s oh so spicy. Very unique, very spicy. Look at me, I’m not like other girls.

Almost all of these husbands would never allow another guy in the bedroom (and especially not if they weren’t there too) but I guess the bi girls just ignore that part (why care about lesbians when you’ve got your man??). On to being special and spicy. Hello world, don’t forget that I’m not like a normal married girl. I’m way sexier than them. Way more open than them.

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[–][deleted]  (2 children)

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    [–]Fleursdumal 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I've had almost the same exact thing happen to me. I was like 20 back then and wasn't confident enough to tell them to fuck off. I really wish I had made an HR complaint or done something.

    Once in uni I mentioned I had a gf in front of this Middle Eastern international student. Oh how that was a mistake. I think he never met someone openly gay before because he became obsessed with "fixing me". I was not able to stand up for myself at that time either but luckily one of my male friends spoke to him and he stopped bothering me.

    [–]Astrid2448[S] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Lol good point about girls doing that for attention on Instagram. Or calling their friends their wives and stuff like that. A lot of them know on some level that they’re relishing that men might think they’re really involved with a woman and picture them together.

    [–][deleted] 29 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 0 fun30 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    It’s the “cool girl” sex-version of pretending to be interested in cars and sportsball. I do think those types of women have a lesbian fetish, like an autosapphoilia of some sort. Lol. It’s not that they are attracted to women, they are attracted to the idea of looking hot having sex with women, and the presence of the man emphasizes it. The same chicks are probably exhibitionists in general

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 19 insightful - 6 fun19 insightful - 5 fun20 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

      No, they didn’t leave us alone, but they also didn’t have social media platforms to harvest attention-energy to fill their bottomless pits, and definitely no dating apps. They would just show up in lesbian bars and try to pick women up. I once sent a straight couple to the most unwelcoming dyke bar in the city and told them they would find a woman there, because they were harassing me and my friends at a coed gay bar. I bet they didn’t even get through the door. Lololol. The bouncer was probably happy to have some idiots to turn away. She was terrifying.

      I think straight women think women are going to be all gentle soft sunshine and rainbows, on a cloud, besties forever sex, which is sooooooo dumb. Also, they don’t realize that they have to make an effort to get a woman off. It’s not like with their boyfriends. If they knew how unlikely it would be for them to actually please another woman they would be discouraged. They think waving at vaginas from 3 feet away is a recipe for orgasm. Lol

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        She’s not even compromising it if she’s still available to a men. She’s increasing her “sexual market value,” the only time that it’s a problem is when she can’t control who her partner is into. If she’s not the center of attention is when it’s compromised. But maybe that’s just what I have seen personally with friends who behave this way.

        [–]Astrid2448[S] 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

        Like dykely said they’re not compromising it. The girl gets seen as cooler and hotter because they do this. That’s why these kinds of girls never shut up about it and how bisexual they are.

        [–]begonia_skies 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

        Ugh, I was at a bar with one of my close friends (straight girl), and she told me her boyfriend thinks she is a "half a lesbian". I had no idea where this conversation was going, so I just nodded along. She then proceeds to tell me it is his fantasy to be involved in a threesome and that it would just be the two of us and he would just watch. WTF. As if I'm going have sex with a straight woman and have her bf like wanking in the corner. I politely turned her down, but that really stuck with me. Like that is how they saw me, just a sex tool, not a person. The worst part is she acted like she was doing me a favor, as if all lesbians secretly want to sleep with all straight women, news flash, we don't. You aren't being cool and inclusive, you are being gross and invasive, leave us alone.

        [–]Astrid2448[S] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Yeah, call out people like that. I wouldn’t tolerate that shit from anyone, let alone a “friend”

        [–]Dykexmachina 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Unfortunately this kind of thing happens to lesbians more often than people are willing to admit or even acknowledge.

        [–]VioletRemi 17 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

        This not annoys me that much, what annoys me is that now in most lesbian spaces, forums and apps - a lot of straight couples searching for threesome (and other half is filled with transes with dicks).

        [–]Astrid2448[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        And how do you think that starts? This. It’s not just the men, it’s also these women loving being seen as cool, sexy, and totally not like boring straight women.

        [–][deleted] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        Idk, I have a bigger issue with men and society when it comes to the fetishization of bi women and lesbians. Too many women are falling for this because of the emphasis by men and by society, or men push their gfs and wives into it.

        Like ... I randomly got multiple messages from some dude I knew in HS (I graduated nearly 15 yrs ago) this past weekend, asking me if I would have a threesome with him and his wife. I know his wife has no idea. I felt so gross... I can't be super mean about it either, because he's kinda crazy and lives across the street from my parents. Example: he dated one of my best friends in HS and when they broke up, he threatened to kill himself and nearly did...so yeah... fun.

        [–]yousaythosethings 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

        It only bothers me if there are signs of coercion, deceit, disrespect of boundaries generally. I wouldn’t assume without further indication in a particular situation that the bi woman is not acting out of her own agency. That’s pretty infantilizing of women and a pretty conservative view of female sexuality. I’m a pretty sexual person and my sex drive has nothing to do with men. I do think it’s disrespectful to ask lesbians specifically to participate in a threesome with a dude because that’s disrespectful of what homosexuality is.

        At the same time, I can’t blame bi women for wanting to have their cake and eat it too if that’s an option for them. They should just stick to other bi women for threesomes though. Also, a lot of bi women only want to have a threesome with another woman but not another man because the latter situation can be physically intimidating, threatening, or uncomfortable. I’ve heard this sentiment a lot.

        All that being said, I don’t even know how a FFM threesome would work. Seems that the guy with his refractory period would kind of just get in the way.

        [–]Astrid2448[S] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

        When did I ever say she didn’t have agency in it? Many times she does. I specifically made it clear that a lot of these girls do it because they love being seen as cool, sexy, unique and spicy. When I say “the guy is in charge”, I mean that he is the dominant one in the relationship overall and gets the final say on what to do. There are PLENTY of women being pressured into things like this by their partners as well, but I’m aware that many of them enjoy being fetishized and like being seen as sexy sexy lesbians, or at least look the other way bc "hubby loves my bisexuality!"

        [–]yousaythosethings 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        I don't really disagree with the things you're saying or that what you're addressing is not problematic or annoying. I just want to put my perspective out there too. Bi women and threesomes are a common topic of discussion and this is just how I feel about bisexual/questioning women and threesomes. Given my own personal history and the difficulty I felt in coming to terms with my own sexual orientation even after knowing I was attracted to girls when I was a teenager, I am more oriented toward being conscious of the inadvertent effect of causing women questioning their sexuality to feel discouraged from exploring their same-sex attraction because attitudes like some of those experienced here are part of what kept me in denial about my sexual orientation and from exploring it.

        [–]sootsprite 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        I don't think anyone here minds if a bi girl wants to have a mff threesome, they just think they shouldn't harass lesbians about it since they're generally not interested in any sexual activity involving a boyfriend

        [–]Rubyredpython 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

        The only thing annoying about them is being in lesbian spaces or bi or straight woman trying to do the bait and switch with lesbians to get us to have threesomes with their men. I wish they would make their own dating apps or websites and stop chasing lesbians. If that's the way they want to live their lives, good for them. Just keep the drama and mediocre sex over there.

        [–]BigMommyMilkers 12 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

        Most bi girls are just annoying in general. Only a minority actually date women and most have long term boyfriends but are oh so quirky and gay because they find some celebrity pretty or kiss girls while drunk.

        [–]Dravidian 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        So I'm poly. And you know what? I'm so disheartened to see yet another triad with one mediocre dude and two really cool looking women when you can just blatantly see that they're in such an incredibly hetero and man-centric relationship with that dude and their bisexuality is erased or imaginary. I nearly never see poly relationships without men insterting themselves in it. So much that I get the bad rep polyamory gets in general, even though it saddens me because I strongly believe you can be with multiple people without being an asshole, sex addled (I'm asexual), or a serial cheater who has found a loophole.

        But it's like a straight dude wet dream most of the time and I do agree that it's gross fetishisation.

        [–]Astrid2448[S] 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

        Right this is what I’m talking about. These setups are very common not just in the poly community but in general. Society heavily encourages it, especially men and the media. If you’re going to do it whatever, but don’t act like you’re making some big move by doing exactly what men and straight society have been praying you’d do for ages: providing him with more women to enjoy. Making homemade lesbian porn for his fetishizing pleasure. Providing a fantasy of owning many women and having each of them have no men but him. There is a reason why nearly every young girl seems to desperately want to be seen as bisexual.

        [–]Dykexmachina 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

        I dated a bi girl who would always try to get me to have sex when her male friend was around, especially if we were drunk. She was literally so fixated and thrilled by the idea of a male voyeur. One time when me, her, and her guy friend were renting a hotel (he used a separate bed ofc), we got drunk and she aggressively tried to coerce me, I must've said No/Stop over a dozen times. But I ended up getting too drunk and blacking out, and woke up with my clothes off and she was like "last night fun" and I freaked out and said I didn't fucking agree to that! She was like "yeah you did you were just too drunk to remember."

        Also at the beginning of the relationship she told me about her porn obsession and how threesomes (2 girls 1 guy) were her favorite category. Which was just one of the MANY red flags I shouldn't have ignored.

        This isn't even the first bi woman to have done creepy shit like this to me either.

        [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

        So fucking gross. Ugh. I just had such a grossed out visceral reaction.

        Years ago, in my early 20s, I was very drunk and was taken from a club to what I was told was a “lesbian/bi” party and making out with two women on a bed. I looked up to make sure the door was shut because I was about to remove some underwear from one woman (I was initially making out with one, and the other jumped in and I was like “okay” because drunk and she was hot and I am good at multi-tasking pussy), and what did I see?

        The second woman had opened the fucking door and about 4 MEN and three straight women were watching. This woman had come with her boyfriend and some other straight couples to a lesbian/bi party. Uggggghhhhhhhhhh. The girl I knew invited them thinking those women (not their boyfriends) thinking they would be respectful. Ughhh

        I was out of there and it literally took 2 years for me to even chill out enough to talk to that one bi girl (the initial one I was making out with, she was bi and single and I had a crush on her) again. She invited all these fucking randoms she knew had male partners when she barely knew any of them and just trusted they were not going to bring dudes. She was newly out and didn’t realize what she was doing.

        I was shitfaced so that was dumb of me, but I didn’t sign up to be fucking assaulted. Good thing I will never be drunk enough to perform for dudes, lol. All of the lesbians fucking left after they dragged me out of that room before I slapped one of those goons. I was fully clothed and am grateful the assholes didn’t come in later because if I had already gotten started I wouldn’t have noticed anything around me. Apparently women were flipping out as soon as the guys came in, but the room (the host’s bedroom) I was in had the door shut and one of the straight girls (who jumped on the bed with my friend and I) opened it and I was too drunk to notice.

        That was so disgusting. I’m sorry you woke up to that feeling. How awful. I got out before anything happened.