DiscussionDear Abby: Transphobic dad doesn't want person with a penis teaching is 9 year old daughter vollyball. Grab your pitchforks!

submitted by GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 from oregonlive.com

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[–]Horror-SwordfishI don't get how flairs work 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

This is actually a tough one for me. I'm theoretically fine with a trans volleyball coach as long as they aren't pushing gender nonsense on kids. There's an argument that this coach is possibly supervising the young girls in the locker room and that might not be appropriate, but people could (and have) made that argument against gay people before. Would we be worried about a lesbian coach because she'd be in the locker room and she's attracted to females? I'd say no, because we fought against the "all gay people are pedophiles" stigma.

I hate to paint all trans people with the same brush that gays were painted with. I get that we see the worst of it a lot in these spaces, but I kind of think that if a trans woman is just living her life and not trying to "convert" the kids, she should be left alone. I think that Abby's point of, "Hey, maybe have him go talk to her on a human level," is a good idea rather than just a kneejerk pull your daughter out of the sport. At least that way the dad would be able to get an idea of whether this person is just trying to quietly live their life and coach a sport they love or if they're a wackjob that's hoping to ogle preteen girls in a locker room.

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

My point was Abby didn't address WHY the dad was upset and just took the mom's word for it and called him transphobic with zero context (typical)

I would not want someone with a penis in my daughter's locker room, end of discussion. That's probably where dad's head is too. Obviously one of the girls was aware this coach was trans so either he doesn't pass or he disclosed that to her.

Honest question: do they let opposite sex coaches in locker rooms generally? I would hope not. Why is this different?

[–]Horror-SwordfishI don't get how flairs work 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yeah, I'm with you on that. Jumping immediately to "he's transphobic and probably homophobic" is dumb. Probably the better response would be, "Talk to your husband and find out why he's upset and what you could maybe work out to keep your girl in sports."

On your question, no, they don't generally let opposite sex coaches in locker rooms, but something to think about: what's the reason for keeping the coaches the same sex as the players? Is it because "we don't want a grown man leering at our pre-pubescent daughters"? Surely we don't expect that every adult male is a pedophile that is using their position to leer at underage girls. And similarly, then that puts lesbians at danger of "we don't want a grown woman who is attracted to females leering at our pre-pubescent daughters."

If the answer to why we don't allow male coaches into the girls' locker room is "it makes the girls uncomfortable changing in front of an adult male" then that's acceptable and makes perfect sense. We should prioritize the safety and comfort of the girls here. But if the girls view this trans woman as a woman and don't feel uncomfortable changing in front of her, what does the existence of a penis have to do with it? In my time in school, I never saw a teacher change in the locker room in front of students. I never saw my football coach's dick.

If this trans woman is walking around waving around a penis in the girl's locker room (or even just changing in front of the girls), that's a completely different story and I would be just as upset by it as finding out that any coach, male or female, was changing in front of their students. I'm just choosing to be charitable - we don't know this person and we don't know their life, so it feels very much like the shit that we had to deal with back in the day to just assume "trans = nefarious intent."

If I'm being totally honest, though, if this were happening to me in real life, I would probably be quite a bit more reactionary. I just have the luxury of not being involved in the situation and trying to look at it from different angles rather than just the kneejerk.

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The difference is someone with a penis could rape and impregnate a young girl. Show us a story of a lesbian doing that...

We are trying to protect our daugthers I don't really care about a transwoman's feelings.

[–]MBMayfair 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

what does the existence of a penis have to do with it? 

Sigh. I'm so fucking tired of having to explain what it's like to navigate the world as a woman.