Surprisingly sane reddit rant

submitted by TransspeciesUnicornI sexually identify as a mythical sparkly equine from reddit.com

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[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes definitely, I would say this absolutely requires a form of dissociation and also makes codependency the glue of the relationship. If you’re entering a relationship with someone and are immediately presented the relationship term, “you must uphold my sense of self even when it conflicts with your daily observations,” um that’s A LOT to put on someone. But it also demonstrates that someone willingly entering into a relationship on such terms has their own mental health issues going on that either involves self-abandonment or attraction to the trans-identifying person’s mental vulnerability, possibly with the intent of exploiting it. Neither is healthy obviously, much less worthy of celebration. I think the only relationships with a trans person that can avoid this are those that don’t involve people denying the basic facts of their situation, i.e. no pretending that the trans person is literally a member of the opposite sex and no pretending the partner is not specifically attracted to the mixed sex characteristics or whatever the particular situation may be.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

But it also demonstrates that someone willingly entering into a relationship on such terms has their own mental health issues going on that either involves self-abandonment or attraction to the trans-identifying person’s mental vulnerability, possibly with the intent of exploiting it. Neither is healthy obviously, much less worthy of celebration.

Yes, absolutely.

I think the only relationships with a trans person that can avoid this are those that don’t involve people denying the basic facts of their situation, i.e. no pretending that the trans person is literally a member of the opposite sex and no pretending the partner is not specifically attracted to the mixed sex characteristics or whatever the particular situation may be.

Hmm... see, I get what you mean logically, but even then, the very act of using the wrong sexed pronouns (e.g. "she" for a transwoman, even if it is a transwoman who is fully aware that he is male) is an act of reality denial. Either that or the trans person is still asking their partner to use a different definition of "she" and "he" than the rest of the population is using. Either way it requires the partner to make a sacrifice about naming reality for what it is. I may be more on the extreme end of people in this sub in this regard because I view incorrect pronoun usage in this way, but I think that would still result in some dissociation, albeit perhaps to a lesser extent than if the trans person were fully demanding that the partner always view them as the sex that they aren't.

(Not saying you are necessarily in disagreement with that! But sometimes I see people miss that point.)

I guess to summarize it more simply: it seems to me that using pronouns in the way that all trans people-- from Blaire White to the most obviously male AGP to "nonbinary" teens-- necessarily requires obfuscation of reality. On a daily and conversational basis, in a way that even a religion like Christianity does not require people to lie. It is a rather remarkable ask.

Anyway, just thinking out loud. I appreciated the points you made.