Chit-ChatSunday Social - open chat!

submitted by NutterButterFlutterStill waving into the void[M] from self.LGBDropTheT

In-between moments of righteous activism, we all have lives we attend to. What did you do last week, or what are your plans this week? Watching any good movies or shows? Go on any dates? Struggling with, or achieved, any major life goals? Survive any alien invasions?

Do you want to promote a new sub, or discuss topics that otherwise get removed? Do you want to introduce yourself, but are feeling too shy to make your own post?

Feel free to share here!

NOTE: Rules are relaxed, but not gone entirely. Be excellent to each other!

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[–]Bright_paintingLoad, lesbian biologist 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

My girlfriend broke up with me little over a week ago, and it still hurts like hell. She was moving away to begin her studies and we both felt like long distance wouldn't work out. The thing is, I had anticipated that this would happen. She had grown incredibly distant during our last months together and even took a summer job, in a another city, stretching the entire summer, without telling me. We had already made plans for the summer, so I got quite hurt when I heared that she had tossed them all aside to take this job. (To make it worse, I heard about her getting the job from her mother as she was asking me for more details about it, not from her.)

I'm just very sad, a little hopeless and more angry then I thought I would be. My sister keeps telling me that she was no good for me and that I should find someone better, but I saw a future with this girl. Do any of you have any tips on how to move on?

[–]MoutonelectriqueBland Straight ♀ 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Ah, fuck. Big hug, love.

No tips, just be nice to yourself, talk to friends and try to do things you enjoy. This shit hurts.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hey, those are some good tips. :) And they're easy to forget.

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Hey, I'm so sorry she blindsided you like that with the job and everything. Especially having heard about the job from her mother.

My sister keeps telling me that she was no good for me and that I should find someone better, but I saw a future with this girl.

If someone told me that right after I broke up with my ex, I would not have believed them; it took a few months for me to realize that on my own. I wouldn't be surprised if you have a similar realization, but it's okay to take time to grieve, too. I guess the only thing I would add is-- you mentioned she was distant in the last few months you were together; that's a lot of opportunities to tell you what's wrong and to try and find a solution, or to leave instead of dragging things out. It's difficult to build a long-lasting, stable relationship and future with someone if they struggle or refuse to communicate at all.

Do any of you have any tips on how to move on?

For processing grief, my best solution has been to force myself to sit down and write about it. For generally moving forward, I try to get myself to focus on my hobbies again, and get into a daily routine if I fell out of mine (there are a few things I try to do every day, like taking a walk outside).

If you want to chat or vent, feel free to hit me up anytime.

edit: Just noticed this detail upon re-reading:

...I heard about her getting the job from her mother as she was asking me for more details about it

That does kind of make me wonder about her ability to communicate... Might sound like a silly question, but any chance she might have gotten sucked into a cult a few months ago? A MLM company?

[–]Bright_paintingLoad, lesbian biologist 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It's difficult to build a long-lasting, stable relationship and future with someone if they struggle or refuse to communicate at all.

You did put it better than I could, this is the truth that I have been refusing to see this whole time. I was in denial and thinking that all of this would magically fix itself after a while and go back as it was before. That didn't happen, but I can't stop wondering if I also bear a share of the blame by not telling her exactly how upset her behavior made me. Would we have been able to work through this issue and grown closer as a result? Would it just have been complicating an already rocky relationship and quickened it's demise? This is the sort of questions that makes my grief even more complicated.

Might sound like a silly question, but any chance she might have gotten sucked into a cult a few months ago? A MLM company?

I don't think she got into a cult nor an MLM, but something felt a little off about it. She got it from a friend and classmate of hers, and from that she got the offer until she began working, it took four days. After that, I didn't hear from her for like a month. No calls, no texts, not even a message on Snapchat. I don't know what happened, but something about it feels fishy.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

but I can't stop wondering if I also bear a share of the blame by not telling her exactly how upset her behavior made me.

She chose her own behavior. Her choices are not your fault. Is it possible that you could've said more words that might have made her re-think her choices? Maybe. But she still chose to act that way, she's an adult (I'm assuming you're both over 18), and the responsibility for her choices are hers. You don't deserve to blame yourself for her actions.

I think it's hard to balance a gentle approach with a need to communicate one's real concerns, especially when faced with a loved one who is becoming more and more distant. Even if you had done so "perfectly" (whatever would look like), she might have still distanced herself anyway.

After that, I didn't hear from her for like a month. No calls, no texts, not even a message on Snapchat. I don't know what happened, but something about it feels fishy.

That... is really weird. Did she explain her behavior at all when she contacted you after that?

[–]Bright_paintingLoad, lesbian biologist 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm assuming you're both over 18.

We're both 20 years old.

You don't deserve to blame yourself for her actions.

Even if you had done so "perfectly" (whatever would look like), she might have still distanced herself anyway

Thank you for saying this. I really needed to hear that.

Did she explain her behavior at all when she contacted you after that?

No, unfortunately she didn't. It could have been a lot at work, but I'm can't stop worrying about her meeting someone else...