Oh, Kai... I hate that you're going through this. That gender-woo (and just plain gender, full-stop) keeps you from being able to just be yourself, and find men who truly appreciate, respect, and love you for it.

If it helps at all, I'm significantly older than you, and my life has been a disaster since day one; I'd pretty much given up hope years ago... but things have changed so dramatically for me within the last two years that, if you'd told me back then that this would (or even could) happen? I'd never have believed you. And it only recently involved actual therapy, or anything deliberate, you know? It all started accidentally. I thought I was just reaching out to help someone else; it wasn't supposed to be about me at all. I was a lost cause anyway, right? But, as the saying goes, "the life you save may be your own." (Though the other party seems to have benefitted, too.)

So if there's hope for the likes of me, there's hope for anybody! :) Especially someone who, like you, still has time on their side, and is already a damn sight more functional/productive than I ever was!

As far as dating goes: have you ever tried an online platform where you can text-chat using a bare-bones profile? So that all anyone sees is what you write? That way, you could filter out guys who stereotype and fetishize you for being a feminine man, in favor of those who see you first and foremost as an individual. You could just say in your profile that you're a gay man in your early 30s, and leave it at that. Discord has really worked for me-- probably even more because it's not specifically for dating; that promotes a "meeting of the minds" approach, you know? And the kind of people who prefer it. They don't tend to be about making you fit in a box. (Depending on the server, of course!)

Also, would it be possible for you to date another feminine man, maybe? I know that this probably isn't a vast group, but there have got to be other guys like you out there! Who are strong enough to be GNC in the face of overwhelming gender-woo propaganda. Who could give you the understanding, support, and, yes, love that you deserve... while you do the same for him. If gender-conforming/"masc" men don't get it, well, the hell with 'em! Who needs 'em anyway? :)

Hope this helps at least a little, Kai. Know that there are people out there rooting for ya <3