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[–]CancelPowerSuper Bi Male 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

This sub was always fairly toxic. Most of the posts consist of mocking mentally ill teenagers and always have. Regular users have repeatedly expressed no interest in political organizing, which is the intended purpose of the sub and the reason our remaining mods volunteered their time and IT expertise.

I'm going to say something about this. I'm a relatively new member, I only joined this forum 3 months ago and although most posts have been great with little to no actual hatred, I noticed that there are a LOT of posts about harmless things. Like, why the hell are there posts about lonely transwomen and transmen talking about their future boyfriends/girlfriends? That's just plain weird. I repeatedly see them here and I just...what the hell? Now, I hate transgenderism and I'm always against it, but I don't exactly hate transgenders and I just don't hate on them for no reason, I posted a bunch of stuff here but they were actual gross things from the trans community like rape, abuse, sexism, delusions...etc not things about "I want my boyfriend to be gentle and talk sweet to me blah blah blah!!" Who cares if no man talks like that? Why are we posting harmless and innocent things?

Just the last week, there was a post about a woman suffering from gender dysphoria lashing out at her own vagina, someone shared it here and some people accused her of "internal misogyny"?? and "encouraging women to hate their genitals"? What the fuck? Why are we making up things? It was just one single harmless vent post and she didn't encourage anyone to hate anything, it's just gender dysphoria. People with genuine gender dysphoria and mental breakdowns should be sympathized with, not mocked and posted here.

2 months ago, there was a venting post about a man who decided to "transition" and he was upset that his girlfriend decided to leave him because of it. It was posted here and some people already accused him of being "controlling" and things like that even though he explained that he understands her decision and he just wanted to vent about it on the internet because...duh, anyone would be upset if their SO leaves them! There was no red flag in his post and yet people mocked and insulted him here. This is just...no, just no! We shouldn't post things just because whoever made them is transgender, we should post things ABOUT transgenders. Normal things shouldn't be mocked.

I think this forum is overall chill and cool, I don't see misandry or misogyny or anything like this, heck I barely see any 4chan-level of hatred against transgenders (like slurs and death threats and stuff) no matter how shitty they are but posts like these, things like this piss me off tbh. I really hope people here stop doing it, it only gives a bad picture about the place.

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Why are we posting harmless and innocent things?

I wouldn't call them "harmless"-- the examples you cited are still examples of fetishization of gay men. However, I do tend to agree that they shouldn't be a priority for this sub. There's actual meaningful discussion to be had on these topics; there are a lot of other types of content that would be better suited to stimulate that discussion (better than random Reddit posts with three upvotes). I try to do news posts and information aggregation posts, but those are just a couple types of content.

This topic has come up several times in the past. It's a fair critique, but what would you suggest to improve the situation? What types of content would you recommend, or like to see more of?

[–]CancelPowerSuper Bi Male 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I wouldn't call them "harmless"-- the examples you cited are still examples of fetishization of gay men.

But they are harmless. All these posts weren't posted to actual gay male spaces like r/askgaybros, they were posted to their own spaces which is for trans. I have seen too many harmless posts here about transmen and what they want in their boyfriends, and it was posted for no reason other than mocking them and bullying. As a bisexual guy with a preference for guys and had more dates with guys than women, it's true, none of these posts sound like they are made by men mainly because the socialization between men and women is very different BUT why do we care? Who cares if "no actual man talks like this"? It's just...petty, beyond petty actually. It makes us look so desperate to hate on anything. As much as I hate transgenderism, there is nothing wrong with a transman (or a transwoman) posting their dating preferences on the internet, in their own spaces. They shouldn't be mocked or bullied just for this. Now, if that person posted something their dating preferences AND something homophobic like insulting gay men or lesbians for not dating them...Now that's something that deserves to be posted, but that never happened in the posts I'm referring to. They were just innocent and harmless fantasizes. Fetishization? Maybe but frankly? I don't care, and I don't see or understand why would anybody care about stuff like this. There are more and more important things to be posted here.

"What types of content would you recommend, or like to see more of?"

The types of content that show how dangerous and wrong transgenderism is. Abuse, rape, violence, delusions, aggression...etc but frankly? I don't think I care anymore, I think I'm going to stop coming here anyway.

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's just...petty, beyond petty actually.

No, what's beyond petty is that the people making those posts believe that the existence of same-sex attracted people is a threat and that we should be banned from all major social media platforms; and now that they've kicked out same-sex attracted people, they're pretending to be us, by conforming to stereotypes that they believe about us. That's not just petty of them to do; that's incredibly hurtful bullying. Now, it's not only entirely possible but likely that many of these people don't realize how much harm they are causing to LGB people. But it is harmful, and it is worth talking about. Is linking to every single low-activity post on r/gaytransLARPers the most useful way to talk about it? I don't think so, and that's where I agree with you.

The types of content that show how dangerous and wrong transgenderism is. Abuse, rape, violence, delusions, aggression...etc but frankly? I don't think I care anymore, I think I'm going to stop coming here anyway.

People in this sub talk about this stuff on the regular. But all right, see ya. A shame, I appreciated your contributions.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

no matter how shitty they are but posts like these, things like this piss me off tbh. I really hope people here stop doing it, it only gives a bad picture about the place.

They're not going to, it's the main reason the regulars are here mostly. There are a few very interesting and kind people here who are always a joy to talk to... and a never-ending stream of assholes. I attempted to steer people away (sometimes shock people away) from pettiness and naval-gazing and got told to fuck off (basically.)

I had the dark thought one day that there may be people who are harvesting the nasty comments we make about these kids and sharing them with these same kids and I got alarmed.

I tried for a while to make more compassionate and empathetic posts, and to try to persuade other people to do so, but that got to be too much of an effort.

There are other, better, communities. Unfortunately I wish one existed that catered to bisexuals but there isn't. We should be used to that, though.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I had the dark thought one day that there may be people who are harvesting the nasty comments we make about these kids and sharing them with these same kids and I got alarmed.

It also might be the case that the same kids we're posting about... are the same ones brigading us and leaving the nasty comments. To then show to each other how "nasty" LGB people are. Just a possibility. I do also worry about some comments I see on here, but overall I feel the mods have done a great job of handling them. It sounds like it's gotten to a really difficult point for them, though.

There are other, better, communities.

Just wanted to follow up on this: For LGB people? Do you know of any others? I lurk on r/tumblrinaction and s/tumblrinaction, because there are a decent amount of LGB people there, but there are no communities explicitly for us, it seems.

Unfortunately I wish one existed that catered to bisexuals but there isn't. We should be used to that, though.

I feel you. Seems like every lesbian group I've tried to join gets swarmed by TRAs, radfems that hate men and want to talk about that constantly, or bisexual haters. I just want a place to chat with other women who like women and where I can post all my same-sex memes, lol. Apparently that is a tall order at this point in time, though...

[–]hufflepuff-poet 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I just want a place to chat with other women who like women and where I can post all my same-sex memes, lol. Apparently that is a tall order at this point in time, though...

Have you checked out Ovarit's lesbian circle? I'm over there and the community is small and the sub not always the most active, but it has the foundations to become that type of space if enough normal lesbians come and stick around! It can veer into "I hate bisexuals and/or men" territory but on the whole, it's just been refreshing to be in a space with lesbians who are trying to rebuild our community, even if we're not always sure how best to go about it.

Or club monocle, it's very small and even less active than ovarit's circle but also has great bones! I recommend checking out either of those spaces and adding your voice, it would be a nice bit of sanity and compassion added to both spaces :)

[–]reluctant_commenter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Oof... I've avoided it because I'm very wary of radical feminism, lol. But I might have to bite the bullet and give it a shot.

I have never heard of Club Monocle. This looks great!! But it's subscription, sadly, and I worry about my payment info being connected with something like that. Do you know how much it costs? I don't see payment details on their website.

I recommend checking out either of those spaces and adding your voice, it would be a nice bit of sanity and compassion added to both spaces :)

Aw, thank you <3 well if people like you are there then I know I'll be in good company :)

[–]hufflepuff-poet 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think the subscription is necessary for Club Monocle? Atleast I haven't subscribed and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not subscribing. I'm not sure how much it costs, I only use the app. The UI isn't the most intuitive!

[–]CancelPowerSuper Bi Male 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, sadly, I agree with you. I honestly think that the mod (Tumbleweedfireflies) is great and has done an amazing job moderating especially just by herself, and many posters here are pretty cool from my experience of 3 months being off-and-on here but there is also a significant amount of pettiness and unreasonable hatred here, it just makes us look so desperate. I'm seriously considering unsubscribing out of here, I don't really like to associate with communities like this tbh.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If all the rational and compassionate users unsubscribe, we'll be left with only assholes representing us. Stay and add more content that you want to see!!

Truelesbians on reddit was a shitshow at the start, basically just lesbians venting about how tired of trans shit we were and screaming about how happy they were to be away from the sausage fest that is /actual(not)lesbians. But we built it into something beautiful before the ban! That wouldn't have happened if everyone unsubbed because they were tired of the hate posts, instead women stepped up and posted more of the content they wanted to see and we became a great space for lesbians to share our struggles and successes with dating, relationships and love and life in general!! I want this space to be that for the wider LGB community too.