Look, I know where you're coming from. I also grew up in the middle of the gay marriage debate. I met my wife while she was in the military during Don't Ask Don't Tell. I had a high school history teacher who, out-of-the-blue, compared homosexuality to paedophilia on the first day of class. I grew up in a Catholic household where I was regularly told that women who don't have babies are selfish and will come to regret it one day. I just got back from my sister's wedding, where my father called my marriage "disordered" in front of the priest just to get those sweet, sweet, Catholic good-boy points. I had a cousin who grilled me about my sexual orientation for hours, in front of all my brother's friends, because "how do I know I don't like dick if I never tried it?" I've had friends, other family members, coworkers, and even strangers tell me the same thing. And now we have the TQ+ crowd on Twitter telling lesbians that if they don't want to have sex with men or if they have an aversion to dick, there's something wrong with them. Everyone everywhere acts like it's completely unfathomable for a woman to not like dick because it doesn't fit in with their narrow ideas of the world. I get where your frustration comes from and why this is all so upsetting for you because I've been there. All my life, I have dealt with the same exact shit.

That being said, I read the thread that you are referring to, and I don't think that anyone is saying that lesbians should be, or generally are, ok with sleeping with men, nor do I think that anyone is implying that the definition of "lesbian" itself should be expanded to include women who seek out and enjoy having sex with men. I think the point of contention is with the idea that not all lesbians have an active aversion to men and heterosexual intercourse to the point that it would be repulsive and potentially traumatizing to even attempt it. While such may be the case with you (and me and my wife and plenty of other lesbians), I do believe there are some lesbians out there who have engaged in heterosexuality at some point in their lives without experiencing strong feelings towards either extreme, good or bad. I mean, think about it, we live in a society where it's normal for straight women to not experience orgasm during sex 50-60% of the time. We live in a society where a woman's pleasure in bed is merely an afterthought, and she's more likely to get most of her satisfaction from a vibrator than her own male partner. I can 100% believe it possible for a lesbian to have prior relationships with men just based on the fact that even straight women settle when it comes to their sex lives. If your sex life is just as unsatisfying as all the other straight women around you, why would you suspect that there was anything amiss?

Like someone else said in the comments, everyone experiences their sexuality differently. Some people know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are only attracted to the same sex and want nothing to do with the opposite sex. Other people are so numb to their own emotions and desires (often due to childhood trauma) that they have no clue what they want until they've experienced it. It doesn't invalidate you or your feelings or your experiences. It doesn't make you a freak. It just means that people are different and have lived different lives and may take longer to come to the same conclusion that came so easily to you. There's nothing wrong with that.