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[–]julesburm1891 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

That date was probably not even a date

Perhaps other women here have had similar experience. I’ve had a whole bunch of encounters where I had a very run-of-the-mill conversation with a guy at a party or a bar and he thought we had some chemistry and I was into him. I’ve also had very normal friend things (e.g. going to get a cup of coffee with a guy) where he thought it was a date and got upset when he realized it wasn’t.

For whatever reason, there seems to be a segment of straight men that can’t read any interaction with women as anything other than romantic interest. It’s like they can’t wrap their heads around that people can talk and be friends. These guys also don’t get that women are socialized to be nice. Just because we listened to your whole boring story about getting into craft beer doesn’t mean we’re interested. We’re just being polite.

OP gives off every indication of being that type of guy. The women hanging out with him are doing this as friends. They think it’s all fine and dandy until he mentions he’s trans. They fucking know he’s trans, but didn’t care because it’s just a friends thing. The second he says that though he’s announced he thinks this is a date. So, now, they have to contend with the whole bruised ego bullshit and accusations of transphobia when they have to let him down. OP is so clueless he doesn’t even understand why they’re being awkward.

[–]reluctant_commenter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I’ve had a whole bunch of encounters where I had a very run-of-the-mill conversation with a guy at a party or a bar and he thought we had some chemistry and I was into him.

YES. I literally came here to say this. I had a friendly conversation with a maintenance guy at work and then at the end he asked me out. Like, WTF? I was so surprised it took me a few seconds to even respond.

Experiences like that make me feel wary about even just expressing warmth or friendliness at all towards men I don't already know. I hate the idea of having to act cold like that, but honestly at some point it's just the practical thing to do.

OP gives off every indication of being that type of guy. The women hanging out with him are doing this as friends. They think it’s all fine and dandy until he mentions he’s trans. They fucking know he’s trans, but didn’t care because it’s just a friends thing. The second he says that though he’s announced he thinks this is a date. So, now, they have to contend with the whole bruised ego bullshit and accusations of transphobia when they have to let him down. OP is so clueless he doesn’t even understand why they’re being awkward.

Yup. Exactly.

[–]julesburm1891 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I had a friendly conversation with a maintenance guy at work and then at the end he asked me out.

Are we the same person? I have had the exact same thing happen to me. “Thanks so much for fixing that light! [Insert basic conversation about hockey after noticing his lanyard.]” Then he’s suddenly asking for my number.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah exactly!!! Apparently we are lol, because I'd hate to think this type of experience is even more common than I assumed it was! Like, my fault for assuming I could just have a regular friendly conversation with this person, wow. And then men will be like "Women are so cold to me"... like, yeah, we have to be, or a bunch of you will take our casual friendliness as a sexual invitation.