HomophobiaTurns out your straight boyfriend can't just become gay/queer/genderosexual just because you've decided you're a man now

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[–]SerpensInferna 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

The woman who wrote this article is a horrendous, selfish narcissist.

I am so happy her boyfriend got the fuck out of there.

[–]Dromedary 29 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 0 fun30 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Total raging narcissist. "I just don't feel safe in my gender with you," I said tearily. What kind of asshole speaks that way to a partner? She sounds brainwashed.

I have to laugh at the happily-ever-after ending. "My new genderqueer friends and pansexual lovers understand the REAL me"- sure they do, sweetheart. You're a dime a dozen, a new mark to exploit, another cult member to lovebomb and use. I'm sure your house of fantasy cards won't collapse into remorse.

[–]CleverFoolOfEarth 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You detransitioned, desisted, or just disillusioned? Those are bitter words of one who has been led to the light of gender ideology and been burned by it.

[–]shveya 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

She probably peaked the shit out of him.

[–]CleverFoolOfEarth 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Here's hoping!

[–][deleted] 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Sometimes I wonder what it would take for me to date a straight man again. I think he would have to see dating me as more similar to dating another man, than anything else. He would have to see our relationship as a queer relationship and recognise how that will impact his life and his identity. He would need to engage with the LGBTQIA+ community with ease and become a part of it, even if he didn't take up a new label for his sexuality.

Or how about this, you stop forcing others to change themselves just because you're changing? It's OK to grow and be different and become a better version of yourself ... that doesn't mean anyone else has to take part in it or accept it. That's real life, people grow and change and move on.

Trying to force straight men into gender-fluid sexuality because of your personal identity is not OK, and it just increases homophobia. You're a woman embodying "the gay agenda", WTF is wrong with you.

Ultimately however, I've come to feel it is not a healthy dynamic to force a cis man to identify as queer purely because of their attraction to you as a trans person.

Good. Stop forcing and manipulating other people. Be yourself and find others who accept it.

Many men who have sex with other men identify as straight. Sexual behaviour does not define identity and this must be respected.

Sorta true and also not, while also missing the point.

The difficulty straight cis men have navigating dating a trans person could be rooted in so many things. While some men might choose not to identify as queer because of internalised homophobia or because they are paralysed by their own ideas of manhood, I have decided that it is not my place to engage with this in my own romantic relationships.

Straight men, bow down to your straight female overlord, she has dissected and gotten to the root of all your problems. Don't worry about identifying as "queer" anymore, she's moved past that. It's OK that you're a terrible person, she understands now.

Good god, I really feel for my LG brothers/sisters. I support you and stand up for you, but you're the ones on the battlefield facing this head-on, and it's so shitty. Everything this woman is saying and doing to "straight cis men" is just homophobia at its core, and the backlash hits all of you.

[–]reluctant_commenter 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good god, I really feel for my LG brothers/sisters. I support you and stand up for you, but you're the ones on the battlefield facing this head-on, and it's so shitty. Everything this woman is saying and doing to "straight cis men" is just homophobia at its core, and the backlash hits all of you.

Thanks Tumbleweed <3 I really appreciate it. More than I can say. Feels lonely sometimes.

Worth talking about, too... I think there's a substantial amount of harm here being done to bisexual people-- it just might be more subtle, maybe because bisexuals are also more invisible. As I've posted about before, some dogma-eager straight women are highly incentivized to identify as bisexual. While this woman could be actually bisexual, she does say that her primary motivation for identifying as "pansexual and then non-binary" is directly related to her disgust for "straight cis men":

I started identifying as pansexual and then non-binary quite gradually. At the time, it didn't seem like it had anything to do with my partner. I have mostly dated straight cis men and while in the beginning this didn't seem antithetical to my blossoming queer identity, eventually it began to become a flashpoint of tension.

The rigidity of masculinity and male gender roles has always deeply affected my romantic relationships. From feeling completely unsupported by one partner in my emotions, to struggling with another's untreated depression and refusal to seek help, I have often felt like there was a third player in my relationships: patriarchy.

Dating straight men is not antithetical to being bisexual... lol. Doesn't seem like she knows what straight, gay, OR bisexual means. Or pansexual, I guess.

[–][deleted] 17 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

These crazy people are going to find out the hard way that sexual orientations don't magically change just because they're pretending to be something they aren't.

[–]reluctant_commenter 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah. I found that out after years of trying to force myself to be straight. That's why I ended up here, lol. Reality wins in the end...

[–]hellonumpty 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Sounds insufferable.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah[S] 14 insightful - 8 fun14 insightful - 7 fun15 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

I suspect the amount of eye-rolling that goes on in her company would make you giddy

[–]DiveBarDiva 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The dumbest part about this article, aside from the obvious gender identity stuff, is that the make it or break it fight didn’t even seem to be about him not accepting her or trying to get her to stop. It’s that he wouldn’t yell at people online.

[–]julesburm1891 9 insightful - 6 fun9 insightful - 5 fun10 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

I’m really baffled as to why she’s even considering dating straight guys if she thinks sexual attraction is about gender identity yet also thinks she’s not a woman.

[–]Chocolatepudding 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

'i used to be just another straight woman' now I'm so special. And no it's not a good idea to try to force someone to be something they're not. Thought the trans brigade would be onboard with that

[–]JulienMayfair 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

the fight ended by me declaring an ultimatum that he post a comment in support of me and trans rights, or we were breaking up.

Talk about controlling narcissistic arrogance.

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

This was one such fight - it was about wanting my partner to stand up for trans rights publicly on a Facebook group and his refusal to do so.

So she was trying to force him to post something on social media...? Come on, you can't force your partner to do stuff. Being in an extremely controlling relationship is hell. I wonder what else she forced or tried to force him to do.

Ultimately however, I've come to feel it is not a healthy dynamic to force a cis man to identify as queer purely because of their attraction to you as a trans person.

Yeah no shit.

While some men might choose not to identify as queer because of internalised homophobia or because they are paralysed by their own ideas of manhood

And some likely don't identify as "queer" because they don't buy into your faith. Someone's lack of belief in something you hold dear is not a sign that they are deficient as human beings.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So she was trying to force him to post something on social media...? Come on, you can't force your partner to do stuff. Being in an extremely controlling relationship is hell. I wonder what else she forced or tried to force him to do.

This reminds me of someone I know with BPD. She got mad that her work friend didn't sufficiently "call out" her ex-boyfriend who was their mutual coworker for "the way he treated her"/"after what he did to her" (she never even says what he actually did that was so bad other than leaving her). She wanted that friend to dramatically forsake their mutual coworker and felt "betrayed" and "let down" that she wouldn't do that. She of course dropped that friend and re-directed some of her rage at her.

You can't reason with this type of person. The rest of us are just tools and chess pieces to them. They are best left ignored and to fester in the messes they create for themselves.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I wonder what these two lines have in common. Hmm. What could it be?

his inability to grow with me as I came to terms with who I had always been

struggling with another's untreated depression and refusal to seek help

[–]automoderatorHuman-Exclusionary Radical Overlord[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

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