all 14 comments

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 18 insightful - 18 fun18 insightful - 17 fun19 insightful - 18 fun -  (1 child)

Let's not forget about all the demisexuals who've lost their jobs for not sleeping around. And - it's about time we recognize the brave black female demisexual who fought off the police at stonewall, Ivanna Shagg. We owe her our rights.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I'm going to have to use that. Next opportunity that comes up, I'm telling my husband that I've changed my name to "Ivanna Shagg". He'll probably just roll his eyes, that's what he always does....

[–][deleted] 23 insightful - 2 fun23 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Why do people hate demisexuals in the lgbtqia+ community.

Because you're a bunch of mostly straight attention seeking assholes who won't shut the fuck up about how you're oppressed for not liking casual sex. Stop pathologizing being normal, most people don't go around sleeping with everyone they meet.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

most people don't go around sleeping with everyone they meet.

Wait... wut?

[–]Virginia_Plain 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't hate them, I just think it's odd to think your criteria for wanting sex with someone (making sure you really like them first) is worthy of its own sexuality label.

Some people are up for it with no emotional attachment whatsoever. Others are, well, I guess "demisexual" if that's what you wanna call it. I think it observes a very real facet of some people's sex/dating lives, but I would compare it more to a personality type. I like to go to a party and sort of chill on the outer edges and have a beer before diving in to the socializing, but that's just an aspect of my personality.

Homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality and asexuality (I do think it's a thing, just misrepresented, misunderstood, and inappropriately claimed) are all about which type of partner one is interested in. Demisexuality does not specify these things, but rather the manner in which you seek these partners.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality and asexuality (I do think it's a thing, just misrepresented, misunderstood, and inappropriately claimed) are all about which type of partner one is interested in. Demisexuality does not specify these things, but rather the manner in which you seek these partners.

Right: "demisexuality" isn't a sexual orientation; it is, at most, the form that an individual's sexual orientation takes-- the way one's sexuality expresses itself. So, even if we're talking about a same-sex-attracted person, this has no business being included in LGB; yes, the person does... but not the nit-picky sexuality-subheading that "demi" is. No letter for those guys! "LGB" needs to be understood as, and reserved exclusively for, sexual orientations that are same-sex-attracted. So you need to be either homosexual or bisexual to qualify. The end. Everything else is either heterosexuality, asexuality (effectively the same as heterosexuality in this context, due to their mutual lack of SSA), or just the particular spin that an individual's personality puts on their sexual orientation. The latter may or may not be annoying, but either way, it doesn't rise to the level of a sexual orientation.

[–]Beryl 12 insightful - 6 fun12 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

"We're all one community" is the problem you spicy straight fuckhead

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Wow. Imagine being so far up your own ass that your response to someone saying that a demisexual is just a straight person is that bisexuals can "pass" as straight, therefore it's both or neither in the community

I don't say that I have a unique sexuality because I like beards. It has never once crossed my mind to identify as "beardsexual" because I am attracted to men with good beards. Yet these people want to act like they're oh so special and unique because... what? They're attracted to people but only after a while? There have been several men who I only found attractive after getting to know them, it's not a unique sexuality. It's just a personality trait once again being conflated with gender identity and sexuality for no good reason.

[–]Chocolatepudding 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

You should definitely identify as beardsexual. See how long it takes to make it as an official letter

[–]Sapphicatalyst 2 insightful - 5 fun2 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Watch, a bunch of straight women who lust after gay men will join Grindr looking to become a beardsexual's "beard." :p

[–]spanishprofanity 9 insightful - 9 fun9 insightful - 8 fun10 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

I wonder if Justin "LGDP... L... GT... LBG... LGBTQ" Trudeau will accept asexual/aromantic asylum seekers to Canada? 🤔

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

These ignoramuses clearly fundamentally do not get why gay communities exist. Gay spaces don’t exist so we can talk about how we fall outside of society’s norms just cuz. LGB people have created our own spaces, have LGB identities, and call ourselves lesbian, gay, and bisexual because (1) in a lot of places homosexuality is criminalized and/or discriminated against and so we need safe spaces to engage openly in homosexuality with each other; (2) we are each other’s SOLE dating pool for dating the same sex; (3) we need spaces and language to find each other to partner with, to support one another and bond over our shared experience of being attracted to and partnering with the same sex, and to being openly affectionate with each other without fear. How in the hell does demisexuality and asexuality fit into any of that? If they want to bond over their shared experiences they need to create their own spaces and institutions or they can have these discussions with zero concerns whatsoever in a regular old bar or social space nearly anywhere in the world.

What I also don’t get is what benefit do people who experience zero sexual attraction to anyone and people who aren’t into hook-ups get from holding themselves out as such to LGB people or even the general public? Even if we credit demisexuality as being a thing, it’s a way you experience your sexual orientation. Not a sexual orientation itself. If you’re heterosexual and have a low libido and aren’t into hook-ups, congrats, you’re my opposite. Nothing for us to talk about. Next.

For asexuality, if you’re not actually attracted to anyone, you’re not dating anyone. You’re just living life, working, having fun, and spending time with friends and family. Like the many people I have known for decades who have never dated anyone and shown no interest in dating but are still living fulfilling lives. They don’t go around calling themselves “asexual.” They don’t need that label to not partner with anyone. The desire to not partner with anyone is baked into not having a sexual orientation.

If you’re on dating apps and not using the searching for friends options, you’re not making a good argument that you’re asexual. And when you label yourself asexual, the rest of us with a sexual orientation are just going to swipe left on you for obvious reasons. Could you maybe benefit from a support group to discuss the process of coming to terms with never being attracted to anyone? Maybe. But again, that’s a private thing.

Bottom Line: The rest of us openly call ourselves gay and bisexual to intertwine our lives with each other because of our shared same-sex attraction. The benefits of gay/LGB spaces are tied to the comfort of knowing the women are attracted to women and the men are attracted to men. Now you walk into LGBTQ+ spaces and instead expect to be bombarded with pronoun games and trendy narcissistic identity obsession coming from people who want to wear our skin and sneak their way into our bedrooms to validate their fragile identities. This is worse than non-LGBTQ+ spaces in the western world.

And to respond to one of their gotcha questions, I actually don’t have much in common with a married Kinsey 1 bisexual who has only ever partnered with the opposite sex and has no interest in partnering with the same sex, and for obvious reasons such a person has no need for gay spaces and institutions either. Does that mean they’re not bisexual? No, they’re factually bisexual but lack skin in the game. I’ve had friends and acquaintances come out to me in this way. It’s an “oh cool” moment but there’s nothing more to say after that.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Demisexuals can be any sexual orientation, which means that the vast majority of them are not LGB because they are straight. In fact, why do you need to label yourself just because you can only enjoy sex from someone you’re in a committed relationship with? You’re just normal. Only the most degenerate hellholes on the planet would shame you for not wanting sex outside of established relationships, and if you live in those areas, then you have an incentive to leave.

[–]Mermer 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There's nothing wrong with having a label of your own but It is not something to adapt as an identity. It's something personal. You can have your own community, memes and whatever but it is not something you can join us over. No one cares irl. Maybe your friends and people you date. But if it can be explained without special labels it's not that big of a deal. It's not not normal to not be that much into sex or to not want to date/have a romantic relationship.