Lifestylemaking friends online

submitted by [deleted] from self.LGBDropTheT

i was wondering how do you guys deal with being lgb and trying to make friends online with other lgb people ? because everytime i follow someone that seem "open minded" back or into books/games/etc, i'm wary that they will side with "trans rights" stuff and rt/talk about trans stuffs, wich they unfortunally... always do at the end. there's no way you can avoid it. that makes me sad because i can't trust anyone and i know they hate me whitout knowing it since they would label me as a terf anyway. i've stopped talking to people in general, stopped trying to build fun online relationships because of that but i feel left out of a lot of things and that makes me feel very isolated. does anyone else relate to that ? how can i cope and accept that's just the situation whitout feeling too sad about it ?

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[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

You might try finding some older LGB folks to hang with online. Can't say I would have a recommendation for how to do that, but once you get into certain age ranges (45+, perhaps), you should run into more people who aren't quite as gullible. Also, more conservative people, if you can navigate that. They are not as likely to shove TRA stuff into interactions, on the whole, in my experience.

But you are under no obligation to out yourself as being critical either. Sometimes it's just nice to have people around who are decent to you and not worry about whether or not they are enlightened yet. This is something of a waiting game for a lot of us. Some of those you meet, either way, are going to peak at some point. In the meantime...go stealth and have some company, if you can stomach it. It's not like being critical of TRA BS is a body part anyone will notice you having and shun you for having. They can't see it unless you let them.

Right now, I'd just say—don't let them, and realize that some of these friendships will be limited in scope, but that doesn't make them not worth spending time with. It just won't be as deep or as open.

I have quite a few friends in this category. They mostly just don't know better. But they also aren't the rabid enabler types—I'd steer clear of those once you find out that's what they are.

There's no easy answer—I'd say give the ones who seem genuinely sincere a little slack and just sound concerned and agreeable if trans stuff comes up. You don't need to get into a big deep convo about it—if they want to do that then it might be safer to just fade out or get "busy" with other stuff (or in the moment...since this is online...you can "not see" a message, have a computer glitch, need to attend to IRL stuff, have a task you forgot you have to do—whatever innocuous thing ends that conversation). But some people just bring trans issues up and then don't say much about them. It's just something in the air that gets mentioned.

[–]stunaep 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Conservatives are no friend of L&G, nor any adjacent bisexuals...

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Depends on the conservatives (and—we have some here as far as I know, so I don't think we can make that a blanket statement). I've met a few who are. They also tend to be terribly confused about some aspects of reality in other ways, though, so it's a strange mix. Just as it is strange when lefties see some things clearly while also gulping TRA sauce.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

there are lgb conservatives

[–]Mikulbleu 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So you’re saying me, a gay conservative hates myself? Am I talking to a tra? I forgot that groups of people are all the same and all generalizations are true

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah. That's just hard to have meaningful relationships with people when I have to hide the pain TQ+ cause in the long run. Because they do cause a lot of pain you know ? They truly do, and that's complicated to deal with. But you're right. I should enjoy the compagny of people whitout worrying too much or becoming bitter.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, and it's hard to be around people who don't get it. (I would never be around people who didn't care once they knew, of course.) It's kind of a pick-your-poison situation at the moment, though obviously not everyone is getting duped. But finding those will be tricky from time to time.

You might check out ovarit.com as well—it's predominantly radfems, which might or might not be your cup of tea on all points, but they also get it for the most part.

[–]lunarstrain 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I've found young people online (in my age range and lower) to be very intolerant of political differences, so I decided to stop actively looking for friends on the internet a few years ago. It's made me miss out on some social experiences but I'd rather have quality over quantity, I hope you've at least had a good friend or two to interact with during the pandemic.

I think it's normal to be sad when you're lonely, you're not getting enough of something that is important to human beings. A lot of people have been sad and lonely in the last two years, myself included, so you are not alone. Just remember that this won't last forever and people are a lot more accepting in person, so this won't be as much of an issue when we can all be out in the world again.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have some, but not people that I can see regulary. I'm also a big time introvert. So the "online world" is something that I am on a lot...

I hope it won't. I truly do.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Also, welcome to our little corner of sanity, here (both you and lunarstrain).

[–]lunarstrain 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks!

I lurked on the original sub before Reddit killed it. Glad to see that the Saidit has been doing well.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah a lot of us are the refugees from that sub. Glad you found us!

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

thanks haha... i truly need a place where i can speak to people that get at least a little bit how i feel about the tq+ stuff

[–]dilsencySame-sex community 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

In my country, I wouldn't say that specifically TQ+ activism is that huge. There seems to be an understanding that TQ+ talking points are important because they are "progressive", but I don't see much promotion of them or even debates.

If you talk to a homosexual here, the topic of TQ+ activism pretty much doesn't come up, including in most online spaces.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

in my country, there's no way you can actually avoid this topic with lgb people unfortunately.