ColonizationWoman on r/gaytransguys wants to remain a woman but still date gay men

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[–]Virginia_Plain 36 insightful - 9 fun36 insightful - 8 fun37 insightful - 9 fun -  (3 children)

Oh my fucking God. More issues than a newsstand. You don't want to transition, you only want a gay man, and it has to be a gay man because if it was a bisexual or pansexual dude you'd be afraid he'd not be seeing you as a man. No fucking shit. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first.

Yes, a gay dude is "off limit." I fell in love with a straight dude when I was a teenager. He is "off limit," especially now that we are both grown up and he has a wife and 2 kids. Should I have told him not to see me as a man, to "do the work on himself" (as some responders replied)?

Gender identity is about forcing you to play these head games with yourself, and then see if someone else will then play the same head game along with you for the same shitty prize.

[–]dilsencySame-sex community 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I fell in love with a straight dude when I was a teenager. He is "off limit," especially now that we are both grown up and he has a wife and 2 kids.

Why especially now? He wasn't less straight before.

EDIT: As in, if he is straight he wouldn't be interested in men regardless of where in his life he is.

[–]Virginia_Plain 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

He's married and has 2 kids. Getting involved with married people is extra taboo for me, and we are both grown....this type of magical thinking is the type of thing you need to leave behind as a teenager. Understanding that some people aren't for you (and never will be) is part of growing up, and an inability to understand that is what plagues a lot of these stories.

[–]cryptoterfthrowTomcattin' 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

'More issues than a newsstand' I love that

[–]julesburm1891 29 insightful - 2 fun29 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

I have chosen not to medically transition but to adjust my shape with working out.

Hold up. As a woman who’s been lifting and working out loads for the past 15 years, I’m telling you this is not possible. We do not produce enough testosterone to get muscles like males without steroids AND a religious bodybuilding routine AND a strict diet. Even if you did all that, your hips will still be there and you will still have a feminine shape. Your female body shape isn’t going to change no matter how much you bulk or shred because your shape is you goddam fucking bones.

If you already have a slim frame, do HIIT training to an obsessive amount and cut calories, you can achieve the androgynous waif look. That is as close as you’ll get. You will still look undeniably female though. (And, chances are, it’ll be wildly fucking unhealthy.)

I don’t want a particular validation from them, but I want a man who has already experienced attraction for men and feels the exact same thing for me.

Do they even hear themselves? I cannot.

[–]Mermer 21 insightful - 5 fun21 insightful - 4 fun22 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

I don't want validation from men except I only want to date men who will give me gender validation.

[–]Virginia_Plain 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I agree it is strange. The FTM boards seem to be a lot closer to "getting it," than a lot of the MTF ones. Everything is laid out, they seem to know the answers to their questions. They are able to anticipate exactly why their plans will go awry. And yet they hope for these miraculous Hollywood endings.

Edit: the one silver lining in all of this is her refusal to do surgery and hormones. When (I am an optimist) she finally works all this shit out, and does the work on herself (not gay men doing work on themselves, as some respondents suggested), she will have a lot less to regret.

[–][deleted] 25 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

You're correct in the sense that, in a better world, it wouldn't matter whether or not a man was trans or cis, transitioned or not.

This just means in a better world gay men wouldn't exist. How is that not extremely homophobic?

[–]fuck_reddit 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Also, who would they date? Considering homosexuality would be completely deconstructed, and they refuse anyone except exclusive homosexuals…

[–]Q-Continuum-kin 15 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

At least the vast majority of posts there are telling the person that they are being unrealistic.

The OP is basically saying the quiet part out loud but when you actually say it out loud it sounds insane, even to people in your own gender religion.

[–]goonmessiahBi-Bi-Bitches 9 insightful - 10 fun9 insightful - 9 fun10 insightful - 10 fun -  (0 children)

Sounds like a gay man in need of a beard because he’s still in the closet would be perfect for her. At least until she realizes he has zero interest in her sexually and he’s always coming home late “from work”

[–]NeedMoreCoffee~=[,,_,,]=^_^= 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

FFS 10 days in the new year and it already has become really weird and stupid almost every day.

[–]Hannibalboy93 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

She only wants to date gay men because she thinks were all soft bois and not like those straight guys with toxic masculinity

[–]Shales123 9 insightful - 8 fun9 insightful - 7 fun10 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

Gay men never spend their entire day in the gym tryna get bigger than the next guy

/s

[–]MisandryFTW 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Original post before it got deleted:

Very much the title. My identity is binary and my body is what it is because I have chosen not to medically transition but to adjust my shape with working out. I have long reasons for this, it's not a whim, I would love to wake up bio male but since it's not happening I do what I can.

The problem is that I am gay, so I want to be a man's boyfriend. I keep being told not to even try it or to go for straight, bi, pan men. As if a man who loves man is definitely out, there is an implication that non-gay men would be open to "women" and therefore more accepting of me.

Or even to date other trans people as if there is some sort of understanding that translates into... sex and love? According to this I should date only people in my profession or with my passport, being trans per se is not a factor in horniness or compatibility.

But mostly is the whole thing that gay men are off limit. I don't want a particular validation from them, but I want a man who has already experienced attraction for men and feels the exact thing for me, no women involved.

I thought that I had found some relief after shaking off all the pressure about "must transition or you're fake" that I struggled with for years, and then I'm told no man will be attracted to me as his male lover. What the hell is going wrong?

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well hopefully she realizes how dumb this sounds and doesn't do anything irreversibly to her body.

[–]ThrowMeAway2879 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

most gay men I know IRL are mostly into men, but not 100% exclusively, and most seem to ID as queer/gay these days for that reason.

Bisexual. We call men who are into both men and women bisexuals. Learn the fucking word.