LifestyleDating as a Gay or Lesbian while not believing in Trans Ideology, how has it been?

submitted by Kai_Decadence from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I've mostly avoided dating because so many of the LGB people I've met seem to believe in transgender ideology, and speak in a hostile way about people who don't. It's depressing and demoralizing. I hate to sound so negative, but it disturbs me to see so many people from my own dating pool spout homophobic claims without a second thought. In real life, I've witnessed people get bullied, have character-attacking rumors spread about them and even undergo social shunning just because they are skeptical of the idea that a man (biological male) can reasonably be called a woman (biological female). So I'm well aware that there are real consequences for speaking up in support of LGB rights, and honestly, I'm not as open about my pro-LGB views as I'd like to be. That's not to even mention the risks of doxxing, online harassment/threats and potentially losing your job. I would really like to keep my job... currently, I'm prioritizing that over having a dating life.

To be fair, I live in a very politically-left area. So I do recognize that it's probably not nearly this bad everywhere. I also would guess that there are other LGB people like me who just aren't speaking up right now because they're scared of the risks of questioning transgender ideology. And I'm also in my early 20s... I have a desperate hope that many people my age are just acting like idiots right now, and will hopefully grow more mature given more time.

edit: Also, thanks for making a post about this, I appreciate being able to hear other LGB people's experiences with and thoughts about this topic. It's something that's been bothering me the last few months; I've been wondering if I ought to try to change the way I think about this topic.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I totally understand where you're coming form. I'm a feminine presenting gay man so my dating pool has been pretty empty since in the man-loving-man dating scene, femininity isn't really seen as particularly attractive so yeah, I've been dealing with navigating the gay dating scene with that general rule of attraction on gay men so I haven't met many gay men in personal for dating and whatnot. But on the gay forums, I do see what you mean with many gay men spouting homophobic claims just like you mentioned. It's like an episode of Black Mirror or the Twilight Zone lol.

And don't feel too bad about not being as open as you'd like to be with your views. You have to put yourself first and since you live in the eye of the storm via a heavily politically left area that no dobut has a lot of "w0kE" people there and you want to keep your job, it's totally understandable why you keep them to yourself for the time being. I'm more or less the same with my own views where I try not to talk about it at work. I only did once and it was with a Lesbian coworker who actually opened up and confided to me how annoyed she was seeing many men on the dating app "HER" that she used because she would be getting hit on them so much which trampolined into us talking about how we didn't believe in Trans ideology (It was pretty cathartic, I won't lie haha). But yeah for now, just focus on you and when you're in a better situation or the trans bubble bursts and more people peak, it can be a better time to air out what you really think.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks man, I appreciate it. Yeah talking about it to other people is like a huge breath of fresh air, god. I'm glad you found someone you could talk to about it at least once!

But yeah for now, just focus on you and when you're in a better situation or the trans bubble bursts and more people peak, it can be a better time to air out what you really think.

You're probably right, that's probably the best way to go about it. It's just so hard, not having anyone to really trust on this topic. I'm hoping to try to test the waters with another friend soon though, so fingers crossed. Best of luck with your dating endeavors, rooting for you dude.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Haha hopefully it goes well, sometimes people can surprise us when it comes to this stuff and right back at you :)