all 12 comments

[–]chandra 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In this case it's regular-old religious homophobia rather than queer attention seeking: they're both Mormons, he's suppressing his sexuality because he doesn't want to be single for the rest of his life, and she (for whatever reason) is content to go along with it.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

In my personal experience, the term "bisexual" doesn't really exist outside of the gay community (and I'm assuming urban areas.) People for whom the gay rights movement is culturally alien, say a minority religious sect, don't differentiate between people who experience same-sex attractive exclusively and not exclusively. It's all gay and it's all bad.

[–]jiljol 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They might not employ the nomenclature, but they are most definitely aware of what an opposite-sex attraction entails. This is the reason why gay conversion therapy now operates under the name of "Sexual Attraction Fluidity Exploration in Therapy" (SAFE T), which is, for all intents and purposes, a "Gay-to-Bisexual" conversion that utilizes queer theory talking points. The goal is no longer to get rid of a person's homosexuality, but to "achieve" what is essentially a bisexual orientation. Anything is better than exclusive same-sex attraction as far as these groups are concerned.

[–]reluctant_commenter 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's a good point. I think this does differ somewhat by region, but I've had a similar experience talking to some very religious Christians-- "what? bisexual? It's all gay and it's all bad, they're just more in denial about it / more confused," etc.

I think it's easy to forget that if you live in a liberal bubble.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think it's easy to forget that subcultures often don't interpret the world the same way, or with the same criteria. Christians don't care about gay dating or relationships, it's all sin. They're worried about the sexual attraction. So, if they aren't somehow influenced by the gay community, they don't care about the flavor of gay.

[–]Q-Continuum-kin 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They care about the specific act of sex because they care about using a family as a means to reproduction which is a means to proliferation of their tribe / religious group.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 15 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

If I had to guess (and I do - these people's motives are not for mere mortals to comprehend) I would say that it's because after heterosexual, bisexual is the least 'oppressed' sexuality and therefore confers less moral authority and Special Snowflake Points.

If I tell people I'm gay but maintain a heterosexual relationship with a woman (and have two kids?) people will want to ask me about it and I can get the delicious attention I deserve. Who gives a fuck about how that makes my wife feel? I sure don't. Fuck you, chick. This is about me.

If I'm a boring smelly bisexual who maintains a heterosexual relationship with a woman (and has two kids?) people will just assume I'm an icky straighty white man with nothing else going on in my life, and won't validate my uniqueness.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Quite a lot of stigma and preconceptions, I suppose?

[–]reluctant_commenter 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Someone posted the whole article about this a month or so ago; IIRC, the couple is Mormon, they're trying to pretend that the husband was able to change his sexual orientation or something. It's actually more conservative homophobia than liberal homophobia.

In regards to your title, I'd say:

  1. biphobia, in many cases, whether internalized or from external sources. Bisexual men are often pressured to identify as gay, and I've heard of bisexual women who feel like they have to identify as lesbian in order for people to take their bisexuality seriously.

  2. TQ+ ideological beliefs: "bisexual = same-gender-attracted" erases the actual definition of bisexuality, which is attraction to both sexes. So then people are confused as to what the word actually means and call themselves bisexual when they're not.

[–]Criticallacitirc 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

In a weird way this is actually the Mormons progressing. They used to teach that homosexual thoughts or desires were wrong. They now say it's only wrong to act on those thoughts. Also to get the highest level of heaven you have to be married in the church & they still do not recognize same sex marriage. So that's why you see this Mormon men saying they're gay but married to women. So it's okay to be gay, just don't act on it 🤷‍♂️

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 11 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

it's okay to be gay, just don't act on it

"It's okay to need oxygen, just don't breathe."

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

^ Yes.