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[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Family relationship dynamics. I have an abusive narcissist (and their flying-monkey enabler) in my immediate family. Dealing with that person involves never mentioning reality, i.e. anyone who does will be punished. Every interaction is fake. Predicated on me pretending to go along with decades of lies. (This limits my willingness or ability to have any interactions, because that's such a twisted mess of a dynamic to deal with.)

My relative decided it was open season on me today, so I mentioned reality. I don't regret it. I have nothing left to give to these people no matter who they are. Go ahead and take another swing at me, it's cool. Here's a mirror. Have a nice day.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Shit, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with that. I know all about the narcissistic family, and the flying monkeys/enablers that come along with it.

Dealing with that person involves never mentioning reality, i.e. anyone who does will be punished.

My life.

My next comments are going to sound terrible to anyone who hasn't dealt with it.

The primary narcissist in my immediate family died last year, and I'm OK with it. I don't feel sadness or remorse, I don't mourn for the loss ... I actually feel relieved that I never have to deal with any of it ever again. I've been low contact and gray-rocking for years, and now I can just be myself. I can let down my barriers/walls, finally, and it's freeing.

The side-effect is that I have very little tolerance anymore for similar behavior. My compassion and willingness to work with other people is fading away. I do still compromise, don't get me wrong ... but I'm much more quick to shut down bullshit and red flags, and don't play nice anymore.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I feel you, 100%. I don't play anymore either. And yes, it's a relief when someone who is that toxic is no longer able to harm their targets.

I might have more to comment about regarding this but as a result of exhaustion from dealing with that person yesterday I need to pass out at the moment. Much love to you.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Love and goodwill to you too, and I hope you were able to get some rest and feel a bit better today. It's always a struggle, but we've got to find these small moments to get back into ourselves and be true to who we are.

You are yourself, a real independent person, and YOU are more important than perpetuating and honoring the lies anyone else tells themselves. {{{hugs}}}

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this. {{{HUGS}}} back. They escalated pretty severely throughout the rest of the week. Spent the day talking to friends to bolster myself. Suspect I will not be in contact with the two family members for much longer. Which would leave me with zero close family in the area. But I can't spend my life having my insides carved out by emotional butchers. That is not a life worth living.

So I'm grateful for friends / chosen family. Holy hell, what a ride mental health issues are.

I still don't regret sticking to my guns. And I wonder what it would be like to have nobody in my life that I have to pretend around like this. I've never had that psychological freedom.

But at the same time I am super angry because the enabler / co-narcissist / victim got their life fucked over too and they have no idea how badly the abuse damaged them. And they're not going to listen to me, the only person left who is a witness. It's, well...I don't know. Definitely one of the worst experiences of my life. I can't save that person. I don't know what to say about that. It's like watching a loved one be stuck in a cult and the cult's reality. You are the bad guy, you are invalid, invisible, if you try to get through to them. This is above my pay grade presently.

I'm grateful though to be so familiar with these tactics that I don't get gaslit or hooked or confused. I know what is going on. And that I'm not able to fix it. And that I didn't create it.