Part of the reason why people often don’t want to have sex with transgender people is that they don’t know what that sex would look like.

Oh, I know what sex with a biological woman looks like. You REALLY don't know the adolescent and young adult experiences of gay men when we are trying so hard to look for even a shred of opposite-sex attraction through pornography or, god forbid, actual relationships with biological women. Intimacy with the opposite sex doesn't just feel bad because of her genitalia or breasts- her hands, fingers, feet, toes, mouths, etc. all feel wrong.

Sometimes, they’re not even sure what trans bodies look like without their clothes.

I can assure you that many of us have seen trans bodies naked, often in an attempt to try and be "good" people or to see if we could be opposite sex attracted toward a masculine enough woman.

This year has the highest number of deaths on record for trans and gender diverse people, most of them transfeminine people and sex workers. The statistics we hear are hammered in our brains, sometimes long before we even come out or realise we’re transgender. It’s hard to thrive when you’re afraid of being the next one. And that means we rarely take risks. When safe to do so, the disclosure happens quite early on, before entering a bedroom, before meeting up for the first time after matching on a dating app. We'd rather out ourselves than be killed. It’s always easier to assume someone isn’t safe for us than the opposite. So, what might be a simple question of ‘sexual preference’ to some is a matter of life and death for us.

Regardless of who she is, it is not her place to appropriate the deaths of black and brown homosexual transsexuals. They get killed by predatory johns who knew what these men's biological sex was and are trying to hide their same-sex sexual activities because of the risk it has on their "straight" life. She has no reason to be afraid of being the "next one" because she is, by her own admission, asexual. On top of that, she is a well established middle class white woman. She is not a lower class, impoverished, racialized gay man. She still is at risk for sexual violence, however, but so are these men on top of the other struggles they face.