Transing ChildrenYou're not trans - You're just weird

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[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Honestly, she's on our side politically but this woman is callous. Mental illness doesn't just crop up out of nowhere, and this woman just doesn't care that her son is suffering. She's dismissive, belittles him, and does her best to minimize his social alienation. She's gaslighting more than anything else.

There are hints in the article that the social milieu she's raising him in is driving him crazy and she can't accept it. Teenagers from wealthy families in the U.S. famously have terrible mental illness rates due to rigid social expectations, lack of control over their lives, lack of age appropriate independence, and the soul crushing college admissions process. Is she intending to change her worldview or become a wiser person?

So much upper middle class white lady cope! One trope after another! "He's gifted," "our family is full of successful aspie types," "the girls are just empowered and intellectual, so of course he's drawn to them."

I get that other people may identify with her, but it's harsh reality. I find women like this repulsive and I'm not sympathetic.

[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about the parents of rapid onset gender dysphoria teens, especially the mothers. I think the lack of control over their lives and lack of age appropriate independence is one of the universal truths among many of these kids when you factor out United States specific structural issues. In my opinion, many of these teenagers were "terminally online" even pre-COVID because it was the only space they could access without parental overinvolvement. However, without the teen-only aspect or the ability to see how other people are reacting to you, the Internet becomes both dangerous and an echo chamber for these kids. It doesn't surprise me that many detransitioners cite that what triggered their detransition as teens was being able to doing a physical activity without their parents getting involved.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In my opinion, many of these teenagers were "terminally online" even pre-COVID because it was the only space they could access without parental overinvolvement.

Completely right. Modern middle class American kids aren't allowed to leave their houses without supervision. It fucks them up and delays maturation until they're already well into adulthood. Add to that the intense pressure they're put under by their parents and peers, you have a recipe for trouble.

Transitioning is similar to anorexia in this way, I think. Anorexia is fundamentally about control.

Teen girls (for instance) who live in emotionally stifling environments, especially where they aren't allowed to express anger openly, and who have no agency in their lives will obsess about what food they take in because they have no control over anything else. Being thin brings social rewards with it as well, positive attention and praise.

Anorexia is also frequently connected to discomfort with sexuality, or a desire to rid oneself of sexual urges you can't process. Victims of sexual abuse and same-sex attracted women are much likelier to develop an eating disorder than the population at large.

[–]7874 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This isn't just a rich people problem. In fact, poor communities tend to place more emphasis on gender roles and are more homophobic (the two things go hand-in-hand), so they end up with even more people believing they're trans. Rich people just get all the surgeries done sooner, which is a problem because there's less/no time to back out, but when the poor kids with extreme levels of internalized homophobia start making their own money, they "transition".

edit: And this has been going on since before medical "transition" was even a thing. Transing homosexuals has been going on since at least the beginning of written history.

[–]reluctant_commenter 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

THANK you. I logged on to write "Unpopular opinion: I actually hate this essay" and expected I would be the only one. This community surprises and delights me all the time.

This is a terrible way for a parent to approach their child about identifying as transgender. Not only is this essay counterproductive, but it's dehumanizing: this person is not listening to their child and is instead informing the child who they are. If I were this child, I would probably go "Fuck you" and full steam ahead with a transition. (By the way, Sasha Ayad has some fantastic videos about how a parent should approach their transgender-identifying child, and emphasizes listening and warmth; such a different take than this BS.)

So much upper middle class white lady cope! One trope after another! "He's gifted," "our family is full of successful aspie types," "the girls are just empowered and intellectual, so of course he's drawn to them."

YES. EXACTLY. So much narcissistic bragging, too, lol. "Oh, our family is full of engineers* and designers and musicians and blah blah blah..."

One final comment. I heard somewhere recently (probably from one of the LGB-friendly therapists) that many detransitioning women report having terrible relationships with their parents, particularly their mothers-- and their mothers deny any such thing, and insist that their relationship is great; the mothers willfully turn a blind eye. This article strikes me as the perfect example of this pattern.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Lol I love this community for that exact reason. I'm constantly surprised by who I agree with- and why! Truth is medicine, for sure.

I heard somewhere recently (probably from one of the LGB-friendly therapists) that many detransitioning women report having terrible relationships with their parents, particularly their mothers-- and their mothers deny any such thing, and insist that their relationship is great; the mothers willfully turn a blind eye. This article strikes me as the perfect example of this pattern.

I'm not surprised to hear that at all. Fits what I've seen in person based off of the few trans-identified people I grew up with.

Thanks, gay dude, btw for posting this. I'm glad I got to see it, it's valuable to read even if I dislike the person who wrote it.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If I were this child, I would probably go "Fuck you" and full steam ahead with a transition.

Same; and I've often given my views on trans. But would at least self-id whenever I was in the presence of such an insufferable, projecting, know-it-all; Just out of spite 👌