you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]our_team_is_winning 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

what sort of fucked up fetish do the women who cling to these freaks have

I never thought of it that way before. Wow. That really opens my eyes. It's not just the man who has his sissy sick fetish going. The female partner here could well have her own fetish about this. Now I feel really ill.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's possible they are just victims of the men's narcissism like a lot of trans widows but some of them seem very enthusiastic partners in the delusion, so...

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Don't assume it's a fetish, it could simply be poorly-conceived and enforced boundaries. If you have never been in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser before it's hard to understand how much they can wear a person down and fuck with their head. Even strong, smart people are targets. More so, according to some perspectives, because it is more satisfying to tear them down. Assume you don't know the whole story when looking at this kind of entanglement.

[–]our_team_is_winning 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

There are way too many people out there with a giant V for victim tattooed on their foreheads. HOW do we train people early on to stand up for themselves and not be bullied like this? Learning to say NO needs to start early. Also, learning to ask "what's in it for me?" when entering and maintaining a relationship. If all that's in it is abuse for someone, end it. If you're not trapped financially, by a child/pet, or by violence, leave. Narcissists seek out the weak, so everyone needs to learn strength as soon as they can talk.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

As I just noted, and it's important to hear this: Narcissists can and will seek out the strong.

It isn't enough to be strong. As you noted, and I will note more specifically, there are some very particular red flags that go along with narcissistic abuse that must be learned in order to spot it in a timely fashion, i.e. before it becomes brain worms and your own psychological well-being starts to deteriorate. It isn't a generic thing about knowing how to say no, though obviously that is part of it.

It's about informing your threat detection systems and trusting them. This is not easy to learn.

Nor can one or two articles like this cover it, but it's way better than nothing for anyone new to these behavior patterns:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/201709/how-spot-narcissistic-abuse

https://www.insider.com/strengths-narcissists-target-in-their-victims-2018-6

It takes practice. Unfortunately the opportunities will be there, because evidently these people are everywhere now.

[–]our_team_is_winning 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thanks for the links. This is a skill everyone needs to develop now that the internet has spawned an army of narcissists.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes.