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[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee[S] 30 insightful - 1 fun30 insightful - 0 fun31 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

It's hard to describe, but like, cis queer men don't seem to be as visible in the online queer community, or at least the parts I'm in, and I worry that a lot of gay men rep I've seen has been made by cis straight women, or just generally people without much actual experience with other men in romantic and sexual relationships seemingly.

Maybe because most gay men avoid things labelled as "queer" like the plague until we finally have it beaten into us that, while they appear to be welcoming on the surface, "queer" spaces hate actual gay men. They hate our input, they find any content with earnestly create about same-sex relationships "unrealistic," and they hate when we establish boundaries.

Trans men also have their own perspective on queer attraction to men and that's valid and good and I don't think it's at all fetishism or 'not really gay', I don't even think cis women portraying queer men is inherently fetishism, fetishism is defined by how it's executed, not who makes it.

While opposite-sex attraction is not a fetish, they way you women go about it is. You define fetishism by how it's executed, but fail to grasp that every step you take is an execution of the fetish. You are literally wearing men's clothes and taking testosterone in the pursuit of an idealized man, one who objectively cannot consent to a biological woman.

Also I guess like, it often feels like a lot of gay male content has women in mind as an audience so it still makes me feel quite insecure and dysphoric. Like, a while back I was wistfully watching gay men tiktok compilations, but then I went in to the comments section and it was 90% self proclaimed women (or, idk, possibly 'women', but regardless) and it made me feel so shitty, esp since like, apparently it's a thing for cis guys to do 'gay stuff' and post it online as a 'joke' either because they think gay stuff is inherently weird and funny or as an excuse to be intimate as cis guys are usually discouraged from that, so I don't even know if any of those guys were actually gay or if guys are at all like that in gay relationships.

There is 100% an issue of straight men gay-baiting on social media to amass a following for money and they are successful at it because (a) their opposite sex attraction means they have fewer boundaries with women which makes that part of their audience more comfortable and (b) gay men are desperate for someone "normal" as representation. Even a decade ago, the gay men I subscribed to on Youtube were not ones popular with straight women- none of them could turn the platform into a career and many maintained their offline jobs.

I'm not a huge social media user but one thing I did when I first came out was follow gay guys on Instagram who were interested in the same crafts and hobbies as me or who were in the same life space as me (married with kids.) It started for me as a "see, you can still be everything you are as a man" validation thing for me but I think it could help from this angle too.

This commenter really highlights one of the overall problems these women have- they filter which gay men they interact with and create an echo chamber of what they think gay men's lives are like. She doesn't have to confront the gay men her age that are impoverished, working multiple jobs to get by, perpetually single and worried about dying alone because the numbers are not in our favour, etc. This is one of the ways their treatment of gay men demonstrates the fetish: they don't allow us to be real people, just objects for consumption.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I love your commentary but I have just noticed something that is more about process and less about content. Maybe it's just the texts you chose, but while you have bracketed each quote with a concise and insightful statement, the quotes themselves read like the following:

blah blah blah incoherent ramblings blah blah my feelz run-on-sentence

It's almost exactly what I would expect from a not-very-bright teenage girl.

Dunno, maybe it's just me.

[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

With the exception of the last quote I picked out, the OP of the others is around 20/21 years old (confirmed 19 in June 2020). She's definitely... immature for her age. But most of the women who post on that sub seem to be in their 30s.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

My statement still stands. 30 year old woman posting like a teenager. Embarrassing.

[–]TiredTrendersSuper-gay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

These women plateued mentally and emotionally during their teenage years. Hence why they ramble so much and display extreme absence of any self awareness adults their age usually have.