all they wanted to do was pass. They didn't bring up being trans all the time.

Yes, that describes probably two-thirds of the trans people I know and nearly all of the ones who transitioned before the last five years. The ones who are not clearly "out" pass way less often than I pretend they do, but I do that for their comfort to put them at ease, since our interaction contexts have nothing to do with dating or any other situation in which I'd actually have to care, and they are kind people. So I don't let on that I am aware. The only downside to that is if they need support for something that is about being trans, but presumably they have people to talk to for that. It's their choice to try to fly under the radar, so I take that as my cue to go along with it. They don't demand validation from me about anything. And they don't tart themselves up in silly clothes and (re: the MTFs) makeup either, they just look like everyday people. They are not on parade. And those are the people that I've always felt supportive and protective of, because they aren't trying to fuck with anyone else about anything. If anything they shrink from living full lives.

That's why I hate TRAs so much. They, like all other narcissists, ruin damned near everything they touch. It is not hard to be supportive of trans people as people just trying to get through life like everyone else, even if you don't agree with what they believe about biology, etc. But I know no one who is willing to get bullied, threatened, defamed, pushed around, gaslit, etc. by anyone, but especially not anyone who also has their head up their ass about biological reality. Some things can be overlooked in polite company that just become absolutely onerous to ignore when being actively harassed about it.

I don't even know what my quiet trans friends believe and I am sure it varies, but it doesn't matter, because again, they leave other people (and their sex-based rights) alone. Some of them have partners and some don't, at about the same frequency as other people I know, so they seem to be managing okay in that regard as well.