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[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Sounds like your friend has her hands full. Even one of these genderwoo types are enough to leech one's empathy well bone dry.

Also, she sounds like the kind of person who worries much more about other people's happiness than her own. The continued exploitation of her compassion without reciprocation will only lead to some kind of meltdown for her later on. She may need the gentle input of someone somewhat external to the situation to point out that they are frankly becoming emotional vampires. And if the situation doesn't get any better, then shifting gears by "selfishly" taking care of her own needs by putting some social distance between her and them, may be better for all involved.

[–]Mermer[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm her main emotional support in those situations and I constantly remind her that there's no place for niceness in rejection and that she needs to put herself first. At first she was concerned for the friendship but the worse he acts about the situation the more she starts to be annoyed and she's starting to understand that they're gonna need to be cut off each other for a while.

She's unfortunately the center of her friend groups, the sunshine, (think your typical Disney cartoon protagonist) so people burden her with their problems and make her feel like she's responsible for their lives. She's very lucky to have me. I'm her doze of sanity and I'm the giver in our relationship as opposed to her usually being one.

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

She might have some codependence going on. That's a difficult thing to untangle from but it might be interesting to read up on those dynamics and see how they relate to how she interacts with these friends. I can't advise about approaching that with her using clinical language, and in the meantime agree with Mark generally that it might be good to support her with the idea that some distance might be needed here for her own health. She can untangle the other factors about how she gets hooked into that stuff with a little more peace of mind after taking a breather. But she does sound easily hooked, so she'll want to explore that at some point (better with a good therapist than on her own, perhaps). Because people who manipulate for attention will use her endlessly until she firms up her own boundaries and belief in her right to take care of herself. And that will eventually hurt her if it isn't already (and it really sounds like it is).

And remember to take care of yourself, too. You're a helper in this situation. Nothing wrong with being apprehensive about what you disclose about your perspectives. Tread lightly and be supportive while she figures stuff out would be my approach if I were in your shoes. That's not easy either, so please don't forget about your own needs.

[–]Mermer[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you so much, it's so nice to hear so much amazing advice coming from such smart people.