Virtue SignalingPenis News would like to peak the entire planet

submitted by ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah from pinknews.co.uk

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[–][deleted] 41 insightful - 40 fun41 insightful - 39 fun42 insightful - 40 fun -  (16 children)

Do it. Make Ellen Page the new James Bond. Nothing like having a secret agent who can be defeated by the word woman.

[–]julesburm1891 32 insightful - 26 fun32 insightful - 25 fun33 insightful - 26 fun -  (5 children)

I absolutely would pay to see a film when the villain defeats Bond by whispering “only women have a cervix.”

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 23 insightful - 22 fun23 insightful - 21 fun24 insightful - 22 fun -  (3 children)

The deadly superweapon in the volcano lair turns out to be a standard dictionary on a little table.

[–]julesburm1891 18 insightful - 17 fun18 insightful - 16 fun19 insightful - 17 fun -  (2 children)

I suppose this would open up a whole new line of villains: one JKR tweet, a Joe Rogan podcast, a mirror, the mere mention of LGB Alliance, etc.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 11 insightful - 8 fun11 insightful - 7 fun12 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

I’d be surprised of JKR, Joe Rogan and Nicki Minaj weren’t in the new Bond movies as villains.

[–]DimDroog 10 insightful - 6 fun10 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

My sides, lol! You two are killing it!

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

If SNL had their act together this would be done already. Smdh.

[–]fuck_reddit 23 insightful - 17 fun23 insightful - 16 fun24 insightful - 17 fun -  (3 children)

Nothing says “womanizing international man of mystery” like a 5’1” trans man…

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 15 insightful - 8 fun15 insightful - 7 fun16 insightful - 8 fun -  (1 child)

Literally a man/let.

[–]Rosefield 9 insightful - 6 fun9 insightful - 5 fun10 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

man-less

[–]TiredTrendersSuper-gay 12 insightful - 9 fun12 insightful - 8 fun13 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

Nah see it'll be a great contrast to all the "female" characters that'll be played by 6 foot trans men who blatantly don't pass as women.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 16 insightful - 14 fun16 insightful - 13 fun17 insightful - 14 fun -  (0 children)

The antagonist wins just by misgendering Bond, and then Bond rage quits and leaves.

[–]Femaleisnthateful 17 insightful - 8 fun17 insightful - 7 fun18 insightful - 8 fun -  (3 children)

I'm actually dying to see 'Elliot' in a male role.

[–]Rosefield 17 insightful - 9 fun17 insightful - 8 fun18 insightful - 9 fun -  (2 children)

12 year old Bond in a flashback perhaps. Or can you imagine an awkward movie sex scene where she and the other actress have to pretend that Ellen has a penis? 😂😂

This would be absolutely hilarious. Imagine her in a movie with actual male actors and the writers are trying to convince the audience that she is exactly like any other dude.

[–]TransspeciesUnicornI sexually identify as a mythical sparkly equine 11 insightful - 8 fun11 insightful - 7 fun12 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

Don't worry, the "women" she'll be trying to hook up with will probably have a penis.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Imagine Casino Royale with her as Bond.

No use at all trying to knot whip a set of pee packers to get info.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

And remember her STARRING role as action hero in Inception

[–]Rosefield 25 insightful - 14 fun25 insightful - 13 fun26 insightful - 14 fun -  (0 children)

LMAO Ellen Page. 😂 Fucking hilarious.

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah[S] 26 insightful - 11 fun26 insightful - 10 fun27 insightful - 11 fun -  (0 children)

Archive link for those who don't wish to give the Ladydick Times a click

[–]julesburm1891 21 insightful - 10 fun21 insightful - 9 fun22 insightful - 10 fun -  (4 children)

Each one of these suggestions was so hilariously bad. I can’t.

[–]JulienMayfair 23 insightful - 10 fun23 insightful - 9 fun24 insightful - 10 fun -  (3 children)

Well, maybe Luke Evans.

But as I've said for the last decade, the best James Bond these days is Sterling Archer.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Sterling fucking Archer! They should just make a James Bond animated series and have the guy who voiced Archer voice Bond.

[–]JulienMayfair 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The original Bond was campy, silly fun like Archer.

[–]bopomofodojo 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Matt Bomer might make an good Bond too. His role in White Collar was very much the suave, womanizing playboy who could do action when he needed to. Would be an interesting take on Bond.

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 19 insightful - 7 fun19 insightful - 6 fun20 insightful - 7 fun -  (3 children)

The Twilight chick? Great list guys! What a bunch of morons. Elliot Page can play little else besides a coat rack convincingly. Barf.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Kristen Stewart isn't that bad lol and plus she is one of the few influential bi women who you know actually date other women unlike certain bisexual gay icons such as Lady Gaga

[–]fuck_reddit 16 insightful - 11 fun16 insightful - 10 fun17 insightful - 11 fun -  (5 children)

Billy Porter

Please tell me this is satire. They really don’t understand that Bond is a spy.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 8 insightful - 7 fun8 insightful - 6 fun9 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

He would be better playing a Bond girl.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I’m not familiar with Billy Porter. Who is he?

[–]fuck_reddit 7 insightful - 5 fun7 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 5 fun -  (2 children)

He is an actor that I only know about because he wears ridiculous and ugly dresses everywhere. Which of course makes him stunning and brave.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Sounds cringe.

[–]fuck_reddit 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, I assure you, he’s much worse than mere cringe.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 16 insightful - 10 fun16 insightful - 9 fun17 insightful - 10 fun -  (0 children)

I wonder what James Bond would be like with Ellen- er, I mean, Elliot Rogers- er, I mean, Elliot Page as Bond? Imagine how embarrassing it must be for a villain to get defeated by what looks like Charlie Bucket from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

[–]Hannibalboy93 17 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Pink News is our enemy, they only care what TRAs think in the community, not anyone els

[–]filbs111 15 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Not satisfied by reclaiming the word "queer", some wish to reclaim all negative concepts that anyone ever associated with the word. It's not enough to be out and proud. One must be outwardly ridiculous, vain, self-obsessed, catty, weak, entitled and proud!

[–]Criticallacitirc 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ok, but I wouldn't be mad at Tessa Thompson. Lol She was really good in West World

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Why a woman as the next bond suggestions? Why retcon already established characters? This applies to both making them black (because I have never come across any retconned Asian character considering how diverse the continent is, its always black) or a woman (like captain marvel)

[–]Femaleisnthateful 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

There are a lot of rumours that the next Bond will be a woman. There's a black female 007 in No Time To Die, but it's not clear that she's meant to replace Daniel Craig. Woke retconning has already destroyed Star Trek, Star Wars and Dr. Who. I don't know why studios haven't 'woken' up to the fact that audiences hate this.

These Woke filmmakers don't have enough creativity to develop an original concept that succeeds on its own merit, so they have to draw on the fanbase of an established franchise.

Frankly sex and sexuality are such an integral part of Bond that making the character anything other than a heterosexual male would radically alter the nature of the character and the films. It just doesn't work.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I bet that studios are aware that audiences are fed up of this woke crap. But those studios don’t care. They don’t value profit as much as they value propaganda. Plus, their main target is the younger generation, of people who mostly support being woke and who were not around when those franchises were starting to grow, so they don’t understand how horrible the woke retconning is.

[–]chandra 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Woke retconning has already destroyed Star Trek...

What did you have in mind when you wrote this? All I can think of is that they've added a nonbinary and a trans character recently, but those are new characters, not retconning.

[–]Femaleisnthateful 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Star Trek: Discovery - Diverse Female Space Jesus is given credit for Spock's genius. More broadly, the replacement of Roddenberry's humanist vision with identity politics.

[–]chandra 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh. Well to be honest, whilst I don't like Burnham (or Discovery generally, really) and I think she is a total Mary Sue, I don't remember that her being black or female has ever been brought up explicitly at any point. Sisko's race was given a lot more explicit treatment than Burnham's has been. And considering the circumstances of his conception and role in the story of DS9, 'Diverse Space Jesus' seems like just as appropriate a label for him as well.

[–]Dromedary 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's because the people in charge of making these films, comics etc. are creatively and intellectually bankrupt. They are out of ideas and can't deal with complexity, or the skills to write actually compelling stories. They're also lemmings, following and copying whatever other noisy franchises do. "Let's make Superman a disabled lesbian Latina!" (sorry, LatinX) is proabably an idea that's been thrown around, and it is so lame and dire.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I rarely see any Latino retconning, like I have said American media is literally black or white, other ethnicities are lucky if we get any new representation lol

[–]TiredTrendersSuper-gay 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Bruh I couldn't even make it past the headline. Good lord the people at Penis News are something else and not in a good way lol.

[–]loveSloaneSuperDuperBi 4 insightful - 7 fun4 insightful - 6 fun5 insightful - 7 fun -  (2 children)

The Bond Girl should be named Miss Genda

[–]loveSloaneSuperDuperBi 4 insightful - 6 fun4 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 6 fun -  (1 child)

The villain is named Bio Logy or Rea Lity.

[–]lavender_menace 4 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Or JK Terf

[–]serf_n_terfStraight Ally - Surf’s up! 🏄‍♀️ 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Penis News is libfem garbage. Instead of criticizing the franchise for being misogynistic, they’re like “tRanS tHe mIsOGyNy aWaY”. Low hanging balls, Penis News.