Gay MenThe Final Death of an LGBTQ+ Forum

submitted by JulienMayfair from self.LGBDropTheT

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It's complicated. I think older men creeping on younger men is a real thing, and young men put up barriers to protect themselves. But also, younger men have trouble conceiving of a man's value in any other way but sexual, so they discount the value of elders.

When I was a young gay man I intrinsically understood that someday I would be old (the gods willing) and thus treated older men the way I would want to be treated when I was older. (But also, since I have generally preferred older men sexually, I was sometimes attracted to them so there's that.)

I only know a handful of young gay men in real life now, and I tend to think they are silly. In my professional life I serve as mentors to several people, most of them younger straight men (well I have one direct report I'm not sure about but even still I think he is more likely straight). I enjoy the mentoring because I do care about "giving back" to younger generations. It's a pity that many younger gay men have trouble seeing the benefit in having older gay male (platonic) mentors, but I guess that's life.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I am aware that some older gay men prey on younger gay men, so I can understand why some younger gay men might put up barriers. It’s still not okay to be rude, dismissive or intimidating to other people. A lot of younger gay men take for granted how lucky they are compared to their elders.

I will admit, I do have a thing for older men. My only concern is bringing a man 15-20 years older than me home to my parents. I’m sure they’d be accepting and I’m just overthinking it, but it just feels weird to me. But I’ve given up seeking out gay men close to my age, because they don’t seem to exist in my town, or they don’t respond, or they’re not what I’m looking for. Maybe I should give men in their 30’s and 40’s a chance - I’m 26 by the way.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Here's a thing about older men. When you're 26, a fit 46-year-old can be hot. But when you're 56, it's hard to think of any hot 76 year old. When I was about your age I met a very handsome, very fit military guy who was 25 years my senior. We had a fling but it never worked out (we were geographically challenged, he was not particularly available emotionally, plus DADT was in effect back then). I'm now a little older than he was when we met, we're still friends, and he is still in decent shape for a man in his mid-70s. But I'm glad we never made it as a couple because the difference in life stage is painfully obvious to me.

Even ignoring differences in life stage: it's one thing to pair up when you're both relatively healthy, it's another to be middle-aged and dealing with the considerable health problems of your geriatric partner. My husband, who is 6 years older than I am, has some health problems but I don't mind because we are in the same risk bracket (and I'm developing my own share of issues). However, if I was having to care for somebody who has severe health problems at the same time that I was trying to consolidate my career, I might have a little bit of resentment. More importantly, my husband and I are developmentally at the same stage (say, Erikson stage 7).

On a side note, that ex-military friend of mine has complained about being excluded by younger men when he goes to church (inclusive church with many LGBs). But I know that he is radiating a creeper vibe, even without intending to. I feel bad for him, but I also think he could have had any man he wanted when he was younger and now is paying the price for being too picky and too emotionally stunted.

In your case: you could plausibly have a good relationship with somebody in their 30s, but more than a 10-year age gap would create a lot of problems because you'd be in very different developmental stages.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The erikson stages are very accurate. Anyway, ageing is something that worries me, especially ageing single, that's my fear. I suppose if it difficult to find people when younger it must to be even more difficult when older, as the small poll is even smaller. How many gay people in older age are there, older as 60 and 70 years old and how is the dating poll at that age?