I didn't usually repost other people's whole comments but just ran across one there which lays this out so perfectly.

I have dated a NB individual. I have dated a trans individual. I would not again. I am fatally disinterested in gender. I never want to talk about it, certainly not in the capacity enjoyed by the many trans/NB individuals I've met. In my experience, obsession or pleasure in distinguishing one's identity through gender belies a certain shallowness and conceit that I haven't been able to reconcile. And, as many have already said, non-binary identities produce and reproduce the very gender roles and gender binary they claim to escape.

Link old.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/povt3a/are_you_open_to_dating_a_nb/hd05ymr/