There was a point in life where I believed someone was my soul mate, we were perfect together, and then everything came crashing down. I felt like I was taking crazy pills too. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know and understand just how deeply this hurts and how confusing it is. Just let it out, let it out on us, we're here.

I’m also just so hurt and mad and resisting the urge to give her a piece of my mind about what she put me through and what a hypocrite she is, but I know that’s fruitless and childish.

I just wanna say ... sometimes the best medicine is to stop taking the high road, and to just give the other person a piece of your mind. It can act as closure. Don't go out of your way to do it, but if she contacts you and tries to smooth things out, then you have every right to stand up and say what you need to say. You aren't obligated to be the bigger person. You're the one who has been hurt, remember?

I previously also wanted to remain friends with her but I don’t know anymore. I at least want things to be civil again.

Why? What does remaining friends do FOR YOU? What does everyone being civil do FOR YOU?

You're allowed to be self-centered sometimes. You're experiencing a loss, and you don't need to make sure it's all rainbows and sunshine for everyone else.