Gay MenQuestion - why are some straight/bi women offended by my inability to find them attractive?

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[–]usehername 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

It can be confusing, especially because the vast, vast majority of bi people are in complete denial and make up myths that some bisexual behaviors are straight/you can still be straight if you engage with the same sex as long as you don't love them/everyone's fluid, all that lol I could go on, but you know what I mean. I also personally believe that the majority of the world is bi.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

The bi people who think the world is bi are also quite delusional too, no offense.

[–]usehername 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Every woman I've ever wanted to be with has turned out to be bi. I didn't know beforehand and they were all traditionally feminine. I think that most bi people, especially women, will never pursue the same sex, and only realize they're actually bi when a person like me takes a chance and goes for them despite zero indication that they are interested in the same sex. I'm sort of getting the impression that homosexuals try not to hit on someone unless they know they are bi/homosexual (is that right?), but I've had great luck with randoms. Maybe I can just smell it lol or I just unconciously know in some way who to pick, but to me, they seem extremely common.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm sort of getting the impression that homosexuals try not to hit on someone unless they know they are bi/homosexual (is that right?), but I've had great luck with randoms.

I've noticed this too but have never discussed it with anyone, so it's fascinating to consider the possibility of it being a legitimate trend. I have no idea if this is a thing with gay men, but it seems like the majority of lesbians have a low tolerance for ambiguity in these matters, combined with what appears to be a strangely low level of trust in their own ability to read others' sexuality and degree of attraction. I do understand why a person would want to avoid developing a crush on a false positive, but I've always found it strange that lesbians seem to have such poor gaydar, or such little faith in their gaydar.

Anyway, I'm gay but I'm like you: most of the women I've had big feelings for have been randoms, and I'd much prefer to just feel things out in the wild than use a dating app. The whole ambiguity aversion thing actually makes me feel pretty alienated from most lesbians, but that's another story.

Edit: this might just be a female-typical trait that lies dormant in straight women in the proto-dating phase since men are a bit easier to read and since it's understood that OSA men are so plentiful. I don't know.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What an OSA man? Dating app are used a lot by hetero that can literlally find their kind everywhere, so I don't see how a small minority shouldn't use it. An app means you already know she searching for women and when you meet, you already know she at least think you're cute or fine enough to get to know. It's so far easier. My lesbian introverted self would be totally hopeless without them. Also you can meet people already by having established a connection via chat, making it far easir to click in person. Dating apps for the win. I'm angry at lesbians not using it, in Italy lesbians are always bitching about dating apps being full of psychos, but psychos are in real life too lol

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

OSA = opposite sex attracted

I just find it weird/frustrating/sad that so many lesbians don't trust their own intuition when it comes to assessing other women's sexuality and sexual interest. I think that's odd for an adult of any sexual orientation. Part of being a social animal is having/cultivating the ability to pick up on another person's attraction to you, and I've noticed that a lot of lesbians seem to lack faith in their ability to do this, and also seem to have very little tolerance for the completely normal sensation of ambiguity that EVERYONE feels when they're making this assessment. Sometimes you know right away that someone is attracted to you, but usually it takes multiple interactions to figure it out (especially with women), and I've noticed that lesbians in particular are very uncomfortable with that window of uncertainty.

I'm not basing this only on their preference for dating apps; it's something I've noticed irl as well as in internet forums. And I don't know if it's exclusive to lesbians. Gay men may be the same way but I don't know because I don't have any insight into their community.

Also you can meet people already by having established a connection via chat, making it far easir to click in person.

This isn't my experience at all, but I can see why someone might feel that way.

[–]usehername 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel gay and bi men are a lot more afraid of being hate-crimed (for good reason).