Gay MenQuestion - why are some straight/bi women offended by my inability to find them attractive?

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[–]usehername 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Every woman I've ever wanted to be with has turned out to be bi. I didn't know beforehand and they were all traditionally feminine. I think that most bi people, especially women, will never pursue the same sex, and only realize they're actually bi when a person like me takes a chance and goes for them despite zero indication that they are interested in the same sex. I'm sort of getting the impression that homosexuals try not to hit on someone unless they know they are bi/homosexual (is that right?), but I've had great luck with randoms. Maybe I can just smell it lol or I just unconciously know in some way who to pick, but to me, they seem extremely common.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm sort of getting the impression that homosexuals try not to hit on someone unless they know they are bi/homosexual (is that right?), but I've had great luck with randoms.

I've noticed this too but have never discussed it with anyone, so it's fascinating to consider the possibility of it being a legitimate trend. I have no idea if this is a thing with gay men, but it seems like the majority of lesbians have a low tolerance for ambiguity in these matters, combined with what appears to be a strangely low level of trust in their own ability to read others' sexuality and degree of attraction. I do understand why a person would want to avoid developing a crush on a false positive, but I've always found it strange that lesbians seem to have such poor gaydar, or such little faith in their gaydar.

Anyway, I'm gay but I'm like you: most of the women I've had big feelings for have been randoms, and I'd much prefer to just feel things out in the wild than use a dating app. The whole ambiguity aversion thing actually makes me feel pretty alienated from most lesbians, but that's another story.

Edit: this might just be a female-typical trait that lies dormant in straight women in the proto-dating phase since men are a bit easier to read and since it's understood that OSA men are so plentiful. I don't know.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What an OSA man? Dating app are used a lot by hetero that can literlally find their kind everywhere, so I don't see how a small minority shouldn't use it. An app means you already know she searching for women and when you meet, you already know she at least think you're cute or fine enough to get to know. It's so far easier. My lesbian introverted self would be totally hopeless without them. Also you can meet people already by having established a connection via chat, making it far easir to click in person. Dating apps for the win. I'm angry at lesbians not using it, in Italy lesbians are always bitching about dating apps being full of psychos, but psychos are in real life too lol

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

OSA = opposite sex attracted

I just find it weird/frustrating/sad that so many lesbians don't trust their own intuition when it comes to assessing other women's sexuality and sexual interest. I think that's odd for an adult of any sexual orientation. Part of being a social animal is having/cultivating the ability to pick up on another person's attraction to you, and I've noticed that a lot of lesbians seem to lack faith in their ability to do this, and also seem to have very little tolerance for the completely normal sensation of ambiguity that EVERYONE feels when they're making this assessment. Sometimes you know right away that someone is attracted to you, but usually it takes multiple interactions to figure it out (especially with women), and I've noticed that lesbians in particular are very uncomfortable with that window of uncertainty.

I'm not basing this only on their preference for dating apps; it's something I've noticed irl as well as in internet forums. And I don't know if it's exclusive to lesbians. Gay men may be the same way but I don't know because I don't have any insight into their community.

Also you can meet people already by having established a connection via chat, making it far easir to click in person.

This isn't my experience at all, but I can see why someone might feel that way.

[–]usehername 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel gay and bi men are a lot more afraid of being hate-crimed (for good reason).

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

And how long it lasted? Was it just sex? No, because I'm pretty sure it's very common to be bicurios and wanting experience with same sex when young, but thats actually different than having a strong serious sexual and romantic attraction to the same sex Lots of bicurios girls wanting experience and lots of bi girls wanting sex with female but prefering males for romance or not being able to stay only with female without missing dudes eventually. I think with apps we homosexual nowdays just contact women we know are already searching for women, and all the weird stuff of wondering if she even into the same sex are gone. But even with official bi's you're always have to wonder the nature of their attraction. Many lesbians just are bi allergic and I think they got reason to reject to date bisexual women, even though personally I don't have these kind of dealbreaker because I don't like limiting myself so hard and I fall in love with a person not her orientation.Of course a feminine lesbian will always have the priority

[–]usehername 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

No, there was also an emotional connection, and they enjoyed the sex which would be impossible if they were straight.

Lots of bicurios girls wanting experience and lots of bi girls wanting sex with female but prefering males for romance or not being able to stay only with female without missing dudes eventually.

If she wants and likes sex with other women she's bi, even if she's obsessed with getting the dream het romance white picket fence ending. Most bisexuals are like this, and you and many others may not feel that they're politically useful, but I think if this large chunk of bisexuals were able to properly humanize same-sex attraction and allow themselves to feel a romantic connection to the same-sex, then our movement would really benefit from this because their numbers are huge compared to L&G and even out bis who do like to form emotional connections with the same sex.

Many lesbians just are bi allergic and I think they got reason to reject to date bisexual women

Yeah, I don't mind. It really does happen a lot, just a fact.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

But I don't think bisexuals are more into dudes because they aren't allowing themselves to feel, but more likely because the vast majority of their attraction is into dude which evolutionary makes sense. They might have a minor sexual attraction to women or simply curiosity of staying with a woman but this but they don't really add to our dating poll as women into women.They're great for just sex. A lesbian can get easily lots of pussy, much more than an average man i think. But for anyone wanting a serious relationship, a woman much more emotionally and sexually into men and only into men for actual relationship doesn't count more than any hetero woman.