Gay MenQuestion - why are some straight/bi women offended by my inability to find them attractive?

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[–]Destresse🇨🇵 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

Oh, that's interesting. I have the same experience with women, some react strangely to my lack of attraction to males. It's mostly "but... are you sure?", "aren't you just scared?", "I think it's narrow-minded to claim men will never be an option for you", going into judging territory real fast. I could be married to a woman and they'd say the same I'm pretty sure. "Nothing is set in stone" etc.

Short answer: they don't believe homosexuality exists. So when you say you're homosexual, what they hear is: "I consciously choose to exclude all you people from my options because I don't like you" lol

Sounds familiar? 🤣

Second possibility: they're uncomfortable with talking about sexual orientation because it puts them in a position they dislike. I've seen this with closeted bi people or confused straight people. "but, but, wait. You don't mean you feel NO attraction to the opposite sex, do you? Even I can find other women hot. So surely...?" Being faced with someone who knows what they want makes their own confusion obvious and some of them can kind of freak out as a result, trying to make you admit that you're just as confused as them, and they're totally normal, okay, nothing to see here.

Those are the two main answers I've thought of.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

This, this is an incredibly good answer and my experience as well. Closeted or insecure bi freak out with me because of me being aware and recognizing my sexuality. Haha

[–]Destresse🇨🇵 11 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 5 fun -  (14 children)

I used to take it personally, but now I just let it slide lol.

Have you had the "confused straight woman" flavour? The one who, after you put everything into words without going into too much information, eventually asks you ".... but what is attraction? I don't think I understand?" 😭🤣 and then you're obligated to go into tmi

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

I mean I've had several conversations of the sort and I've dealt not only with confused straight woman but also men. 😂 There was a guy who once in a while would ask me several super detailed questions looking super confused such as "If a guy was very very very feminine, wouldn't you want to date him?", "The thought of someone, anyone, masturbating doesn't turn you on, even if it's a dude? Because I think it does with me" etc etc etc, but he looked really confused. Later I knew he was kissing dudes at parties. Is he bi? Maybe. It would explain his constant confusion with me

[–]usehername 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (11 children)

Sounds bi lol I have found myself asking and being asked those exact questions word for word.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Haha! Yeah, I think bi people are the most vulnerable demographic in very specific situations, such as these. Bi people caught up in an heteronormative society end up more times than often with wrong ideas of what sexuality is (thinking everyone's "fluid" like them, or that sexuality is a choice because they chose the opposite sex for example) and some very insecure in themselves and confused as well because society is mainly monossexual. So it definitely has its challenges to navigate the world as a bisexual in a monossexual society. At least that's what I observed through my personal experience.

[–]usehername 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

It can be confusing, especially because the vast, vast majority of bi people are in complete denial and make up myths that some bisexual behaviors are straight/you can still be straight if you engage with the same sex as long as you don't love them/everyone's fluid, all that lol I could go on, but you know what I mean. I also personally believe that the majority of the world is bi.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

The bi people who think the world is bi are also quite delusional too, no offense.

[–]usehername 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Every woman I've ever wanted to be with has turned out to be bi. I didn't know beforehand and they were all traditionally feminine. I think that most bi people, especially women, will never pursue the same sex, and only realize they're actually bi when a person like me takes a chance and goes for them despite zero indication that they are interested in the same sex. I'm sort of getting the impression that homosexuals try not to hit on someone unless they know they are bi/homosexual (is that right?), but I've had great luck with randoms. Maybe I can just smell it lol or I just unconciously know in some way who to pick, but to me, they seem extremely common.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm sort of getting the impression that homosexuals try not to hit on someone unless they know they are bi/homosexual (is that right?), but I've had great luck with randoms.

I've noticed this too but have never discussed it with anyone, so it's fascinating to consider the possibility of it being a legitimate trend. I have no idea if this is a thing with gay men, but it seems like the majority of lesbians have a low tolerance for ambiguity in these matters, combined with what appears to be a strangely low level of trust in their own ability to read others' sexuality and degree of attraction. I do understand why a person would want to avoid developing a crush on a false positive, but I've always found it strange that lesbians seem to have such poor gaydar, or such little faith in their gaydar.

Anyway, I'm gay but I'm like you: most of the women I've had big feelings for have been randoms, and I'd much prefer to just feel things out in the wild than use a dating app. The whole ambiguity aversion thing actually makes me feel pretty alienated from most lesbians, but that's another story.

Edit: this might just be a female-typical trait that lies dormant in straight women in the proto-dating phase since men are a bit easier to read and since it's understood that OSA men are so plentiful. I don't know.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

And how long it lasted? Was it just sex? No, because I'm pretty sure it's very common to be bicurios and wanting experience with same sex when young, but thats actually different than having a strong serious sexual and romantic attraction to the same sex Lots of bicurios girls wanting experience and lots of bi girls wanting sex with female but prefering males for romance or not being able to stay only with female without missing dudes eventually. I think with apps we homosexual nowdays just contact women we know are already searching for women, and all the weird stuff of wondering if she even into the same sex are gone. But even with official bi's you're always have to wonder the nature of their attraction. Many lesbians just are bi allergic and I think they got reason to reject to date bisexual women, even though personally I don't have these kind of dealbreaker because I don't like limiting myself so hard and I fall in love with a person not her orientation.Of course a feminine lesbian will always have the priority