all 62 comments

[–]Destresse🇨🇵 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (26 children)

Oh, that's interesting. I have the same experience with women, some react strangely to my lack of attraction to males. It's mostly "but... are you sure?", "aren't you just scared?", "I think it's narrow-minded to claim men will never be an option for you", going into judging territory real fast. I could be married to a woman and they'd say the same I'm pretty sure. "Nothing is set in stone" etc.

Short answer: they don't believe homosexuality exists. So when you say you're homosexual, what they hear is: "I consciously choose to exclude all you people from my options because I don't like you" lol

Sounds familiar? 🤣

Second possibility: they're uncomfortable with talking about sexual orientation because it puts them in a position they dislike. I've seen this with closeted bi people or confused straight people. "but, but, wait. You don't mean you feel NO attraction to the opposite sex, do you? Even I can find other women hot. So surely...?" Being faced with someone who knows what they want makes their own confusion obvious and some of them can kind of freak out as a result, trying to make you admit that you're just as confused as them, and they're totally normal, okay, nothing to see here.

Those are the two main answers I've thought of.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (18 children)

This, this is an incredibly good answer and my experience as well. Closeted or insecure bi freak out with me because of me being aware and recognizing my sexuality. Haha

[–]Destresse🇨🇵 11 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 5 fun -  (16 children)

I used to take it personally, but now I just let it slide lol.

Have you had the "confused straight woman" flavour? The one who, after you put everything into words without going into too much information, eventually asks you ".... but what is attraction? I don't think I understand?" 😭🤣 and then you're obligated to go into tmi

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What is attraction? I think they confuse attraction with finding someone cute. Like I can recognize the cutness of a man, but can't have desire to sleep with him, which is how they think about women too

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I find some women adorable, but I’m not interested in them at all like that, because I’m gay.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

I mean I've had several conversations of the sort and I've dealt not only with confused straight woman but also men. 😂 There was a guy who once in a while would ask me several super detailed questions looking super confused such as "If a guy was very very very feminine, wouldn't you want to date him?", "The thought of someone, anyone, masturbating doesn't turn you on, even if it's a dude? Because I think it does with me" etc etc etc, but he looked really confused. Later I knew he was kissing dudes at parties. Is he bi? Maybe. It would explain his constant confusion with me

[–]usehername 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (11 children)

Sounds bi lol I have found myself asking and being asked those exact questions word for word.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Haha! Yeah, I think bi people are the most vulnerable demographic in very specific situations, such as these. Bi people caught up in an heteronormative society end up more times than often with wrong ideas of what sexuality is (thinking everyone's "fluid" like them, or that sexuality is a choice because they chose the opposite sex for example) and some very insecure in themselves and confused as well because society is mainly monossexual. So it definitely has its challenges to navigate the world as a bisexual in a monossexual society. At least that's what I observed through my personal experience.

[–]usehername 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

It can be confusing, especially because the vast, vast majority of bi people are in complete denial and make up myths that some bisexual behaviors are straight/you can still be straight if you engage with the same sex as long as you don't love them/everyone's fluid, all that lol I could go on, but you know what I mean. I also personally believe that the majority of the world is bi.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

The bi people who think the world is bi are also quite delusional too, no offense.

[–]usehername 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Every woman I've ever wanted to be with has turned out to be bi. I didn't know beforehand and they were all traditionally feminine. I think that most bi people, especially women, will never pursue the same sex, and only realize they're actually bi when a person like me takes a chance and goes for them despite zero indication that they are interested in the same sex. I'm sort of getting the impression that homosexuals try not to hit on someone unless they know they are bi/homosexual (is that right?), but I've had great luck with randoms. Maybe I can just smell it lol or I just unconciously know in some way who to pick, but to me, they seem extremely common.

[–]soundsituationI myself was once a gay 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm sort of getting the impression that homosexuals try not to hit on someone unless they know they are bi/homosexual (is that right?), but I've had great luck with randoms.

I've noticed this too but have never discussed it with anyone, so it's fascinating to consider the possibility of it being a legitimate trend. I have no idea if this is a thing with gay men, but it seems like the majority of lesbians have a low tolerance for ambiguity in these matters, combined with what appears to be a strangely low level of trust in their own ability to read others' sexuality and degree of attraction. I do understand why a person would want to avoid developing a crush on a false positive, but I've always found it strange that lesbians seem to have such poor gaydar, or such little faith in their gaydar.

Anyway, I'm gay but I'm like you: most of the women I've had big feelings for have been randoms, and I'd much prefer to just feel things out in the wild than use a dating app. The whole ambiguity aversion thing actually makes me feel pretty alienated from most lesbians, but that's another story.

Edit: this might just be a female-typical trait that lies dormant in straight women in the proto-dating phase since men are a bit easier to read and since it's understood that OSA men are so plentiful. I don't know.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

And how long it lasted? Was it just sex? No, because I'm pretty sure it's very common to be bicurios and wanting experience with same sex when young, but thats actually different than having a strong serious sexual and romantic attraction to the same sex Lots of bicurios girls wanting experience and lots of bi girls wanting sex with female but prefering males for romance or not being able to stay only with female without missing dudes eventually. I think with apps we homosexual nowdays just contact women we know are already searching for women, and all the weird stuff of wondering if she even into the same sex are gone. But even with official bi's you're always have to wonder the nature of their attraction. Many lesbians just are bi allergic and I think they got reason to reject to date bisexual women, even though personally I don't have these kind of dealbreaker because I don't like limiting myself so hard and I fall in love with a person not her orientation.Of course a feminine lesbian will always have the priority

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Bi women who aren't much serious about their attraction to women or who ends up missing men freak me

[–]ChunkeeguyTeam T*RF Fuck Yeah 14 insightful - 6 fun14 insightful - 5 fun15 insightful - 6 fun -  (17 children)

My favourite is “it’s such a waste”. Go fuck yourself with a cactus ma’am.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

“it’s such a waste”

I think it continues on internally like this:

it’s such a waste you're not willing to get into the line of people I can reject, use and dispose of to boost my ego.

Because let's be honest; This is the kind of person they would be.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

That’s true. Also, it’s hard for them to manipulate gay men, because there’s no incentive for us.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (11 children)

There's little incentive for straight guys either lol. The amount of sex they get from those types of women is laughable. I speak from experience as a bi male, it's not worth it. Most of the time the sex is terrible too. They are just as selfish about sex as they are everything else. The fact that they are letting a man penitrate them is enough in their book. It's one of the reasons that MGTOW is growing at a pretty fast rate.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

In effect a lot of women are narcissistics, and dating apps are to blame. When you're an hetero womsn with thousands of likes, it is kinda hard not to be ultra-selective and thinking yourself as some superior diva. Men being desperate from pussy and putting women on a pedestal does contribute to that kinda of women behaviour. MGTOW looks like a group of misogynistics who had zero luck dating though.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

It's definitely not a one way street for sure. Males objectification of sexual partners isnt healthy. Im not a fan of MGTOW as a movement because it does attract a lot of incels and woman haters but the original idea of NOT basing your identity on your sex appeal to women is sound.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I agree, that's just about men. Also het women base their worth on men approval. And so do gay men about other men into men, and gay women on other women into women. We're programmed for social approval, especially approval of someone we're attracted to, and wanting sex and affection. But is crucial to learn to love yourself and not let people opinion dictate the opinion on yourself, also accepting staying alone. Otherwise any inevitable rejection, or someone leaving you or just not finding mutual interest and compatibility is going to hurt like hell. It's easier said than done though, as biologically we just meant to think a certain way

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Agreed but I would say that rather than being biologically meant to think a certain way I would say that it's an easy way of thinking. Biologically we are in flight/flight mode. It's not impossible to overcome but most people find it easier to go with "the norm" even if that makes them unhappy because it avoids having to engage in flight/fight. Avoiding that is a key driver for people.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Well, it's biological because we got this desire to have sex, to cuddle, to have emotional connection, that's all biological. Lik we also evolutionary programmed for approval, and loliness and pain for rejection is kinda our mechanism to search it, as it was necessary for survival. But we are rational enough to overcome it, it is just not easy. I think for men is even worst because their libido is just higher.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes it was pretty bad in my teens and 20's. I actually looked into medication to lower it but its super risky to do and im not even sure there is medication for it. My libido dropped in my mid 30s to a tolerable level.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I just wanted to add that I probably framed my position wrong. I agree we have biological needs etc but we also have the ability to overcome it and thats biology as well. So what I was trying to say is that we are not bound to those behaviors even if they do provide nutrients for our soul if in good company.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That’s a good point. In fact, a lot of straight and bisexual men, in fact the vast majority of them, are immune to these types of women. When looking for wives, straight and bi men want peace. When looking for hookups, straight and bi men want to be done with it. Most if these men cannot be manipulated with sex. My friend who’s a straight male can tell if a woman is trying to manipulate him and he doesn’t fall for it.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's truth people wanting serious long lasting relationships care less about look and more about tranquility. I think lots of men would be turned off by a demanding narcissistic super beautiful woman, and prefer someone more normal looking with intelligence, kindness and good character compatible with theirs to build something real. For a serious relationship character is way more crucial, while for hooking up it doesn't matter at all.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe over there. Here in the states the vast majority are all about it....

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

"It’s such a waste". As if the gay person in question doesn’t have any brothers or sisters who could reproduce.

[–]usehername 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

As if a gay person's only value in life is to fuck/breed with that individual.

[–]MyLongestJourney 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

😂

[–]Retardation_station 14 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

It's largely because a lot of western women think they have a "magic pussy".

Bear with me here.

When arguing with most western women, quite often when they start losing the argument they'll resort to personal attacks. Usually something along the lines of "I bet you're a virgin. No woman would ever sleep with you. Fucking incel/homosexual" etc.

It's a trope I've seen too many times to ignore. (I really like to argue. A lot.)

It seems to speak to the value they put on their own physical attributes. And as a result, in their minds, that's literally the worst thing they can do to a man is deny him access to sex.

It also suggests that they think masculinity is nothing more than sleeping with women and that's simply not the case.

So, you being disinterested/disgusted by the thought of having sex with them is quite a mind fuck because they're so used to having that power to lord over men they don't like or don't agree with.

It's a harsh realization that there's a segment of the male population that is completely immune to that particular insult.

Now, I'd suggest taking what I've said with a grain of salt. I'm just a random asshole on the internet, after all. But I think it would fuck most people up to recognize that their silver bullet is just a blank.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's basically the same as when straight dude find lesbians "a challenge". They take it as a personal issue, instead of just respecting our sexual orientation. They don't see our sexual orientation as legitimate.

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Tbh I think its a general female experience to be swooned and obsessed over by males, so when a man doesn't behave that way these women get offended. A lot of female narcissism has the foundation of male validation. This also manifests in a different way in liberal Western women, who instead of getting validated for their sexuality seek out gay men to validate their personality or looks (the yaaas queen trope is a big example of this since some gay men overindulge in flattering mediocre women), which is why gay male spaces are getting flooded with straight woman. These straight women also dictate the gay narrative in these places, gay bars are swamped with them, they also bring their straight male bfs to a gay space and bf in question is offended that gay men hit on him in a GAY SPACE. A lot of accusation of mIsOgYnY is also thrown about towards gay men when they criticise women.

Radfems won't like this but its a fact that LGBT spaces are female oriented and dominated (or atleast female-identity dominated), which is why straight males co-opt a female identity to dominate these spaces. Bisexual women and women who LARP as bi (in reality only date men) make up the largest demographic of LGBT+ and these women are the creators and facilitators of the current mess, they are homophobic towards gays/lesbians and help establish a warped heteronormative environment, this is a big reason why lesbians go through comphet and gay men being either transed or discovering they are bi. Bisexual women are also far less egalitarian in their dating pattern, as they mostly choose males over females, as opposed to a bisexual man who dates/fucks both sexes relatively more equally than an average bisexual woman (saying from personal experience with long term bi woman friends).Now look I'm not being biphobic against bi women but I also cannot ignore this troublesome pattern. Masculinity in general is frowned upon in LGBT+ spaces, whether its by radfem desisters or the general woke crowd, the female/"femme" identity triumphs over anything.

[–]emptiedriver 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's interesting you give the power of the "feminine" angle of gay spaces to bisexual women - I would have assumed it was due to gay men, who have commonly (at least in the past) been dominated by feminine men. Lesbians and bisexual women have been more likely to lean toward a "butch" sensibility, and at least in the 90s/00s, places specifically designated for dykes or drag kings tended to have more of a biker bar vibe or be cheap hole-in-the-wall/ get a beer joints, whereas the money making clubs and big time event spaces that were all glam and shazaam were being run by the queens, which is to say, the men. I don't think women started that...

[–]DimDroog 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ask the straight women why they aren't attracted to other women.

Flip the script with them.

Insane that they'd even consider asking a gay man this!

Tell them to ask another straight women if they are attracted to them!

[–]usehername 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm a former TRA. I am not a radfem, but many of the new "radfem" converts are former TRAs and (former) liberal feminists, so they can also hold these beliefs. As everyone here has seen, TRA ideology says that everyone must be bisexual and not be repulsed by anyone, and sexual rejection is bigotry, especially when it's based on a minority/protected characteristic such as being female. This is a similar line of thinking to "sex positivity" in liberal feminism. So if these women are or have ever been a part of any of these groups (liberal feminism is the most popular one), they may hold these beliefs. I have seen a lot of women claim that gay men are misogynistic for being repulsed by women's femaleness, but if you think it's fucking yucky, then you think it's yucky lmao.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’ve never had this experience before, for which I am grateful. Women where I live don’t seem to care about men finding them attractive so much, except for wanting their boyfriends, partners or husbands to love them obviously. Some women however base their self worth on men finding them attractive and some of these women are not used to gay men being, well, gay. In the past in the western world, and in non-western countries nowadays, a woman’s worth was based on her work ethic. Same with a man. You had to work in order to survive or live a relatively comfortable life. Nowadays in the western world, where convenience is seen as the most important thing, both sexes don’t work as much and have less skills, so a lot of people base their self worth on appearances or hobbies.

Now, some people are just plain narcissistic. We’ve always had people like that. A narcissistic person who is offended by somebody not finding her or him attractive is not going to comprehend that maybe the other person is just gay.

[–]Rag3 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

This post confused me to no end. You’re gay so why the hell would you find x/y/z attractive on a woman?

I think some women get confused by rejection since they equate opposite sex to being a group that should find them attractive in some way. Deep down, they don’t believe in same sex attraction. Weirdos 🤣.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Straight women want all men to chase them that's why. They dont want to sleep with every man they just every man to want to sleep with them. There are exceptions to this of course.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Not only men. They want literally everyone's attention, including lesbians. Straight women take advantage of lesbians as well for their own profit lmao.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

To be fair, you can find attention whores and abusive bitches among lesbians, it isn't just staight women

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sure.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yea that makes sense. I find it an extremely unattractive quality, for anyone to have. SIGH

[–]RaspberryTea 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm tempted to say they're just stupid, but that's probably not the answer. It's likely narcissism, insecurity or both, especially in Current Year when every sexual orientation is being redefined as either pansexual or transphobic.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

So this is probably not a great place to ask this

Sure it is, you even sparked a good discussion.

[–]Ladiablapequena 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I am so sorry my guy.

I'm a yaoi fan and don't behave like this new breed of weirdos older generation but girls/women obsessed with yaoi probably plays a part in this.

IDK maybe I'm weird but when I know a man is gay I lose all interest in him. Some women/girls obsessed with yaoi for whatever reason what to become the gay/bisexual anime men they thirst over.

You're throwing a wrench into their delusions when you say "No, I have zero interest in females I like males". They deserve that reality bubble pop though.

The fact that this person is middle aged is a bit out of my range of the explanation above applying. I'm not middle aged but it sounds like a possible insecurity on their part. Like they take it as an attack on their desirability that you don't want them instead of accepting that you're gay and it has nothing to do with them.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They're either bi and don't realize it yet and don't understand being attracted to solely one sex(for the ones who claim to be straight), or they're idiot homophobic narcissists who think they can 'turn' you.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Female sexual entitlement it horrible in the U.S. A lot men who refuse women get shit for it. It really fucked up. Women in U.S have not been check like Men to get rid of this behavior.