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[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

This is like calling a relationship between a gay person who has not yet figured out they’re gay and a member of the opposite sex a “queer relationship.” I once referred to my prior relationship with my husband as heterosexual and my friend said it wasn’t heterosexual because I was gay, and I said no it was heterosexual because it was between members of the opposite sex and calling it anything but that felt meaningless and obscures the unique struggles I experience now in same-sex dating/relationships.

How can we meaningfully talk about unique issues of gay/lesbian/homosexual relationships if we don’t make this distinction? It’s not about our individual sexual orientations. It’s about the relationship itself. Gay and bi people have always been free to marry members of the opposite sex. It’s the same-sex aspect from which the unique legal, political, and social issues and barriers arise.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

said it wasn’t heterosexual because I was gay

So what would she call it?

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I once referred to my prior relationship with my husband as heterosexual and my friend said it wasn’t heterosexual because I was gay, and I said no it was heterosexual because it was between members of the opposite sex and calling it anything but that felt meaningless and obscures the unique struggles I experience now in same-sex dating/relationships.

How about calling it an opposite-sex relationship, though? That's accurate and not misleading-- there's no implication that you're straight. I much prefer this term, along with "same-sex relationship", because of the bi-friendliness-- we already have enough of a problem with being misunderstood as gay or straight!-- and really wish that it'd catch on.