BisexualSnowflakes mad for calling a relationship between a man and a woman straight. Actual bi people don't seem to care

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[–]Mermer[S] 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It just seems the bar of "biphobia" is on the floor. You don't wanna date bi people? Biphobe. Saying straight presenting characters are not good rep? Biphobe. As a bi person, I do not care if you don't want to date me. If it makes you uncomfortable I'll just date someone else. It's that simple. It doesn't mean you invalidate my bi-ness. Bi people never seem to care but snowflakes attack the second you mention bi people. And a bi person who only engages in straight relationships is still bi but you can't deny they have straight privilege. If I had a boyfriend I wouldn't have to lie about him to my family I wouldn't have to fear my family disowning me and I wouldn't have to fear for my life in public. So stop with baseless accusations of "biphobia" and "bi erasure" if it comes from a place of fucking reality.

[–]RaspberryTea 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Well, it IS a straight relationship if it's a heterosexual pairing even if the characters themselves aren't straight. I also agree it's a bit patronizing to claim a character is bisexual in interviews or whatever, but never even have them experience same-sex attraction, much less relationships, in the medium itself.

Now, being insistent that an obviously heterosexual relationship is "queer" is its own goofy issue. It always seems to come from insecure people who are desperate to be special. Unfortunately for those of us who just want to be left alone, ~QUEER~ is the latest fashion statement for this sort of thing.

[–]Mermer[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I've come to hate the word "queer" but I didn't want to use "LGB" cause we all know where that would get me and I didn't want to use "LGBT" because it doesn't concern trans people.

[–]RaspberryTea 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I know how you feel. Putting aside the label itself having been just a slur until recently, it used to be specifically about same-sex attraction -- and you can't even mention that anymore without getting shouted down by TRAs and spicy straights.

[–]usehername 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Use LGB and play dumb if they ask about this forum.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You can say lgb and then say that you you were referring to only sexualities for your argument.

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (19 children)

They're mad because they're straight people who identify as bisexual and are afraid that the fact they've only ever been in straight relationships will invalidate their fake bisexuality (which it doesn't, but the fact they're not attracted to people of the same sex does invalidate the fake bisexualtiy)

Everyone wants to claim to be queer, but don't want to admit that it isn't a choice in either direction so they fake it.

[–]Mermer[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (18 children)

Yeah exactly, I have a friend who is pretty vocal about her confused sexuality and used to identify as bi but only dated men but she eventually admitted she's just straight. I'd rather have her be honest with herself rather than her dancing around the idea of bisexuality just because she thinks women are hot and likes to kiss them.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Must to be the reason of much higher LGBT rates among younger people. Mostly fake bi girls.

[–]usehername 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

she thinks women are hot and likes to kiss them

This does not sound straight to me. Many bis suffer from chronic confusion. Maybe that's the case here.

[–]Mermer[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

Nah, like I said she used to id as bi but realized she wouldn't date a woman. Her and my other straight friends even talked at a party about how they don't feel attracted to women. That they can kiss them but nothing beyond. Kissing can be pleasant but meaningless.

[–]usehername 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

I personally couldn't enjoy kissing someone I'm not attracted to, even if they may be objectively attractive, but everyone's different, I guess. Still seems fishy to me. There are a lot of reasons a woman wouldn't want to date another woman even if she's attracted to them.

[–]Mermer[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

Well even though I'm gay I can kiss a woman I have zero feelings for, it'd still be fun but I wouldn't think anything of it. Plus like I said I'd rather her call herself straight rather than have her insist of how gay she is only to date men (only men) like some people I know. I get it, they're still bi but sometimes it feels pushed and ingenuine. Plus it's her identity.

[–]usehername 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What's fun about kissing someone you're not attracted to? Maybe I'm missing something here.

[–]Mermer[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I mean, I dislike making out regardless of attraction but I do love pecks on the lips weather they're with someone I date or just a friend thing at parties. They're very pleasant I don't see why they can't be platonic. And I know tons of couples who don't care who each of them makes out at parties. Not for everyone for sure, but it's their way of life.

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Okay, sorry, I misread this as you being a gay man. Of course you wouldn't mind kissing a woman, you are attracted to women. Not that lesbians are attracted to all women, but a lesbian kissing a woman is very different from a straight woman kissing a woman. By "feelings" do you mean physical sexual attraction or a genuine, romantic appreciation of her personality?

[–]Mermer[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

When I kiss a straight friend, I have zero feelings for them, they are just a fun thing to do. If I kissed a woman I had feelings for it wouldn't be meaningless.

[–]usehername 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Okay, would you kiss a male friend just for funsies?

[–]Mermer[S] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (7 children)

Yes. Why is this an issue?

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

A character who's only ever in straight relationships and we only know is bi because the creators say so is basically the same as when JK Rowling said Dumbledore was gay. It has no story relevance or representation. It's just there for the creator to virtue signal.

[–]lavender_menace 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

If I remember correctly the story goes: when writing the script for the movies they wanted to add Dumbledore a female love interest. She said no, cause he’s gay.

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh, really? Is that how that came about? I'll have to read more about it, that's interesting.

[–]bolla_top 10 insightful - 6 fun10 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

You can tell being bi is this person's whole life.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

This is like calling a relationship between a gay person who has not yet figured out they’re gay and a member of the opposite sex a “queer relationship.” I once referred to my prior relationship with my husband as heterosexual and my friend said it wasn’t heterosexual because I was gay, and I said no it was heterosexual because it was between members of the opposite sex and calling it anything but that felt meaningless and obscures the unique struggles I experience now in same-sex dating/relationships.

How can we meaningfully talk about unique issues of gay/lesbian/homosexual relationships if we don’t make this distinction? It’s not about our individual sexual orientations. It’s about the relationship itself. Gay and bi people have always been free to marry members of the opposite sex. It’s the same-sex aspect from which the unique legal, political, and social issues and barriers arise.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

said it wasn’t heterosexual because I was gay

So what would she call it?

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I once referred to my prior relationship with my husband as heterosexual and my friend said it wasn’t heterosexual because I was gay, and I said no it was heterosexual because it was between members of the opposite sex and calling it anything but that felt meaningless and obscures the unique struggles I experience now in same-sex dating/relationships.

How about calling it an opposite-sex relationship, though? That's accurate and not misleading-- there's no implication that you're straight. I much prefer this term, along with "same-sex relationship", because of the bi-friendliness-- we already have enough of a problem with being misunderstood as gay or straight!-- and really wish that it'd catch on.

[–]Retardation_station 8 insightful - 8 fun8 insightful - 7 fun9 insightful - 8 fun -  (1 child)

Can I be trysexual? I'll try anything once! 😂

. . . I'll see myself out.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Dig deep enough online and you'll probably find a sexuality description that matches that.

[–]hufflepuff-poet 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

It seems like the majority of biphobia comes from the bisexual community, mainly self-hating bisexuals who refuse to accept their bisexuality or try to force bisexuality on everyone else. Who call themselves straight or gay "with an exception", or who only date the opposite-sex but always shout about how "gay" they are, who harass other bisexuals for prioritizing same-sex relationships or being open about their bisexuality and not hiding behind "queer".

[–]Mermer[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I hate how normalized it is to be bi first and gay later and how it's forced onto bisexuals. Especially women. No, I am genuinely attracted to men and It's as simple as that.

[–]RaspberryTea 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

It's complicated, especially for bi people who ARE strongly/mostly same-sex attracted. Like when I first came out as bi, I was "welcomed" into the community by people talking about how bisexual women were disease carriers and tainted by men even though I'd never even been with a man at that point. I also asked some people point blank if I should just ID as lesbian and they told me yes -- and I was treated better once I did. I've gained a bit more self-worth since then (and decided anyone who can't accept me for who I really am isn't worth the trouble, especially not as a potential romantic partner), but that sort of thing leaves an impression. While I see the problems it can cause, I also understand why some bi people who are strongly same-sex attracted might find it easier just to call themselves gay/lesbian to blend in.

As for the ones who are, say, already in monogamous straight marriages (and never showed a hint of being anything but straight), but can't shut up about how ~QUEER~ they are.... Well, I know it's not my fault, but I'm still very sorry and don't personally claim them. :p

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I also asked some people point blank if I should just ID as lesbian and they told me yes -- and I was treated better once I did.

That’s terrible, and ends up causing problems for homosexuals and bi’s

[–]usehername 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

or the ones who are, say, already in monogamous straight marriages (and never showed a hint of being anything but straight), but can't shut up about how ~QUEER~ they are....

I agree that those types are trash, but being in a relationship shouldn't mean a bi person has to go back into the closet, which is sadly what usually happens.

[–]RaspberryTea 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree, but there's a lot of real estate between saying "Actually, I'm bi" when it's relevant and loudly proclaiming it to every single person who crosses your path.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well I don't because yeah if you date someone of an opposite sex you are in a heterosexual relationship. There are of course people that try to use that to invalidate your attraction but that isn't what the OP is saying here. Plenty of media companies will find the laziest ways of achieving "inclusivity" especially in media for wide international audiences.

Ultimately some people are over-attached to their identity. If I married a woman and someone said you aren't bi anymore I would just say kay I still like dick and just move on with my life. So many social problems in the West today can be tied to an obsession with identity.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 5 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

A dear friend of mine often says 'you're only as gay as the relationship you're in.'

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Well, I hate to be the skunk at the garden party here, BUT... calling a relationship between a man and a woman "straight" is bi erasure. It's as good as saying that being in such a relationship means that you are straight. And yeah, that is significant to bisexuals, since we're always struggling against the perception that: A.] there's no such thing as bisexuality; B.] thus we are actually either gay or straight; and C.] which one is determined by our relationship. Terms like "straight/heterosexual relationship" (or, for that matter, "gay/homosexual relationship") play right into this.

And it's so unnecessary! Just call it an opposite-sex relationship! Puts both heterosexuals and bisexuals on equal footing. Ditto "same-sex relationship": works just fine for gay and bi alike.

I'm also kinda skeptical that there's only ONE snowflake in the posted dispute; given that the other person speaks with approval of "queer rep" (and what those who bandy the Q-word about tend to be like), that thread may well be a veritable blizzard...

[–]jiljol 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

calling a relationship between a man and a woman "straight" is bi erasure

It is simply factual. It's important to understand that "straight" and "gay" can be used to define individuals and the dynamics that can arise between people: "gay man/sex/relationship", "lesbian woman/sex/relationship", "straight person/sex/relationship", etc. You could even talk of "bisexual sex" or "bisexual relationships" when 3 or more people of different sexes are romantically and sexually involved with each other. "Straight", like you have clearly illustrated in your second paragraph, is just a shorthand for "opposite-sex".

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the terms are fine as is. When applied to a person, the labels "gay", "lesbian", and "straight" imply exclusivity, as they are qualities of a person. When applied to something temporary like a sexual act, they imply nothing about a person's orientation, only the sexes of the people engaged in the act. The same is also true for relationships. If I call a straight relationship an "opposite sex relationship", that's just the same thing in different words. The word "heterosexual" just means attraction to the opposite sex, and only implies exclusivity when applied to a person, in which case it would be describing their immutable orientation. Sexual orientation labels are mutually exclusive. When a person says they're heterosexual, they mean it as opposed to the other sexual orientations, in this case homosexual and bisexual. A bisexual person experiences both heterosexual and homosexual attraction without being a (/n exclusive) heterosexual or homosexual.

[–]Rag3 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Internalized biphobia 😂