Gay MenAh but has he checked her pronouns? These white knights would change their opinion in a heartbeat.

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[–][deleted] 22 insightful - 3 fun22 insightful - 2 fun23 insightful - 3 fun -  (8 children)

WTF, why is everyone telling him to be considerate and think about her feelings?!?! She's a fag hag, her feelings don't matter, she's using you.

Are you a gay man and independent, or are you her boyfriend?

Older/experienced gay men who are here ... you need to help your younglings. Baby gays are getting all fucked up in the head and thinking they need to act like straight dudes.

[–]Neo_Shadow_LurkerPronouns: I/Don't/Care 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Older/experienced gay men who are here ... you need to help your younglings. Baby gays are getting all fucked up in the head and thinking they need to act like straight dudes.

Most woke gays have a strange, nearly pathological, sense of self-loathing. They feel the need to appease everyone, and so they negate themselves, their needs, views and desires in order to be seen as 'cool' by others, specially straight people.

Also, they often treat their fellow gay men (except FtMs, because of course) like garbage. They even go as far as to worship straight men in detriment of other gay men, which is totally ok to the wokesters, for some reason.

Another issue is that gay spaces have been converted into a hideout for sex pests and TRAs, which only adds to the problem.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Imma push back gently here, as a gay man in my early 50s who has been out since I was 17. I wouldn't say that gay men worship straight men, but in my long observation straight men (on average) do some things much better than gay men. One of them is male camaraderie, i.e. being able to have other men as friends while keeping your boundaries and others' boundaries safe. My husband and I are pretty much at the point where we agree we cannot have other gay male friends, and prefer the company of straight men and women (and sometimes lesbians). The issue seems to be that other gay men can't seem to exist without making everything about sex. No, we don't want to have sex with you, we don't even want to talk about sex with you, we certainly don't want you to embarrass us by audibly and obviously oggling the young male waitstaff when we go out to dinner.

I realize that straight men do some of these things too, but I think the experience of raising a family tends to (on average) attenuate some of the more immature behaviors that I've seen in gay men well into their 60s and 70s.

[–]Neo_Shadow_LurkerPronouns: I/Don't/Care 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I wouldn't say that gay men worship straight men, but in my long observation straight men (on average) do some things much better than gay men.

I was speaking about the woke gays here, as yes, they tend to prioritize straight people over fellow gay men, behaviour which goes uncriticized.

One of them is male camaraderie, i.e. being able to have other men as friends while keeping your boundaries and others' boundaries safe. My husband and I are pretty much at the point where we agree we cannot have other gay male friends, and prefer the company of straight men and women (and sometimes lesbians). The issue seems to be that other gay men can't seem to exist without making everything about sex.

Yes, you're right and I hate this.

This kind of behaviour is so bizarre, like, if your first reaction to seeing a married gay friend is to ask for a threesome, you have problems. Period.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I realize that straight men do some of these things too, but I think the experience of raising a family tends to (on average) attenuate some of the more immature behaviors that I've seen in gay men well into their 60s and 70s.

This brings up something which recently occurred to me: that for gay men (and other SSA people), achieving an emotionally/psychologically-mature sexuality is often delayed because of the closet. In that you don't get to grow into your sexuality gradually, throughout your childhood, the way that heterosexuals typically do, since you probably spend much of that time repressing/denying it. Once you stop doing that-- and your sexual development can really begin-- you're already well into your teens, or maybe even an adult. And having to deal with expectations (from both society and yourself) of a level of sexual development that you've had no opportunity (or time) to reach. Like, you're supposed to be sexually active now... even if you've really had NO preparation for that. Never experienced a mutual, openly-acknowledged "puppy love" crush, or held hands with them, or shared a G-rated kiss with them; maybe never even been on a date. Because you, and every other SSA person your age, were in the closet.

I really think this explains a lot of the "hypersexual" behavior that we often see with gay men, don't you? Even as adults, they're still struggling to grow up sexually-- because they weren't allowed to do it before. Beginning with the lowest-stakes, innocent stuff (like sending another kid a valentine in third grade). Instead of being able to start out in the kiddie-pool of developing sexuality and slowly make their way towards the deep end over many years, they suddenly find themselves on the fucking high-dive. BEFORE THEY'VE REALLY EVEN LEARNED HOW TO SWIM.

I've been discussing this theory with some gay and bi men, and it really seems to resonate for them. Does anyone here feel the same way?

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think this is true and explains some of the individual developmental issues. But what happens when you throw together 100s or 1000s of such adult men who have not had opportunities to develop? They collectively reinforce their developmental stasis. It's fine to understand the hypersexuality but it still doesn't excuse it in the long run. At some point a person needs to take responsibility for their own psychological and spiritual development (whatever the latter means to you).

There's not much you can do about dynamics of collectives, as for the most part they are self-sustaining. The only thing you can do as an individual is remove yourself from them. That's ultimately what I chose to do.

[–]Trolley 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

As a gay man in his mid 30s, I'm not sure if I qualify as an older gay man, but I'll respond nonetheless haha.

Two sayings come to mind, "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink," and, "there are none so blind as those who refuse to see." At some point the younger gay guys and the woke gay guys have to see for themselves that they are chasing clouds, that their ideas for how the world works, or how they think it should work, are wrong. Until they are at least open to that possibility, that they could be wrong about some really big and important things, they will only hear their own voices. It would be quixotic for me to attempt to change their minds.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with you and understand what you're saying. We can only teach and tell and share so much, it ultimately up to individual people to learn and grow and be better on their own.

Until they are at least open to that possibility

They will not be open to that possibility unless we show them that it exists. THAT'S what I'm talking about. It's not about us changing their minds, it's about us showing them that something else is real so they can decide for themselves.

[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's pretty simple actually:

I'm sorry but I view buying drinks for others on a regular basis as kind of coercive, like I'm expecting sex or something. I've decided that I'm only going to do that for my boyfriend from now on.

She'll soon find someone else to leech off of.

But yeah: once you're old enough you learn that enforcing your boundaries is very high priority.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

This a little off topic, but it's amazing how society often puts women on a pedestal. It seems like everyone gets lots of shit from women except straight women. Women use lesbians for attention, gay men for attention, and everything they can for attention. I'm a lesbian but we also do experience A LOT this kind of shit from women, because they like our attention and lead us on just for their ego, but they don't care about us. It's funny how they do a similar sh*t to gay men. It's even more infuriating when I hear multiple straight women tell me they wished they were lesbian because it would be so much [insert positive word here]. Yeah, I bet you couldn't even handle one month 😅 Sorry, this ended up being kind of a rant, but I feel sorry for this dude, I really do. As a fellow lesbian, I hope he runs from that crap woman.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The funny thing when you hear girls saying they would want to be lesbians cause women are sweeter lmao. Seriously, turns out women can be bitchy, cheater and abusive too and the idealized version of female sex is quite stupid.

[–]powpowpowpow 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

but it's amazing how society often puts women on a pedestal.

Exactly. I have seen time and time again where women have deplorable behavior but people react with "yesss, queen" "go off!!!" "Omg she is so crazyyy" even tho if a man behaved the same he would be shunned to filthy... the infantilization of women is ridiculous

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This a little off topic, but it's amazing how society often puts women on a pedestal.

Eh, I would say how Western society puts women on a pedestal. I definitely see this in politically liberal circles, and have been straight-up told by straight women before that "women almost never or never abuse anyone" and "I wish I was lesbian it'd be so much easier than dating men" LOL. So out of touch with reality in so many ways.

[–]Dromedary 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

He literally says he can't afford to buy the bitch drinks all night, he should grow the balls to tell her that. He sounds like such a pushover. Sure, drive away your boyfriend and be stuck with this chick forever instead. What's in it for you? Ugh, how do these kids get through life?

[–]powpowpowpow 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I used to be a bit of a pushover and people would take advantage of that all the time. It's amazing how easy it is to solve this issue tho, just saying no does the trick, it just takes time to learn that