I relate to almost everything you say. It's not the attraction to women that causes me stress and anxiety for the most part. When I'm with a woman, it feels very right and good, not wrong or shameful. The lack of attraction to men is the most alienating part. I do think a lot of bisexual women have a hard time understanding this being a huge difference felt by many lesbians, especially because I think it is the basis of the stigma against us, rather than our attraction to women.

I never felt that same-sex attraction was wrong. Since the moment I heard it was a thing (in the context of the gay marriage debate when I was in middle school), it made sense to me and I always supported same-sex rights. But I refused to see myself as one of them (. . . us). And it was because of my fear of being different. I never judged anyone else negatively for being gay, lesbian, or bi but I did not want to accept that my life would be harder in this way. I don't mind when my female friends talk about guys, but I can't say that I've been in a situation where I was with a group of women where they kept going on and on about men.

To be honest, I would feel weirder if women thought they couldn't or shouldn't talk about men around me or if people were tripping over themselves trying not to offend me. I really just want to be treated like any other woman. I understand that it's a lot harder when you're trying to hold it all in to not out yourself as a lesbian because you can't make light of the guy talk when I think humor is the best way to handle it around those who know you're gay.

All of this being said, I'm dealing with my own struggles and unprocessed issues that relate to my being gay that I may share in the near future on here. Life is definitely lonely right now and I feel alienated from "LGBTQ culture" or whatever that means.