LifestyleI feel depressed when women talk about guys (I'm a lesbian)

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from self.LGBDropTheT

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I relate to almost everything you say. It's not the attraction to women that causes me stress and anxiety for the most part. When I'm with a woman, it feels very right and good, not wrong or shameful. The lack of attraction to men is the most alienating part. I do think a lot of bisexual women have a hard time understanding this being a huge difference felt by many lesbians, especially because I think it is the basis of the stigma against us, rather than our attraction to women.

I never felt that same-sex attraction was wrong. Since the moment I heard it was a thing (in the context of the gay marriage debate when I was in middle school), it made sense to me and I always supported same-sex rights. But I refused to see myself as one of them (. . . us). And it was because of my fear of being different. I never judged anyone else negatively for being gay, lesbian, or bi but I did not want to accept that my life would be harder in this way. I don't mind when my female friends talk about guys, but I can't say that I've been in a situation where I was with a group of women where they kept going on and on about men.

To be honest, I would feel weirder if women thought they couldn't or shouldn't talk about men around me or if people were tripping over themselves trying not to offend me. I really just want to be treated like any other woman. I understand that it's a lot harder when you're trying to hold it all in to not out yourself as a lesbian because you can't make light of the guy talk when I think humor is the best way to handle it around those who know you're gay.

All of this being said, I'm dealing with my own struggles and unprocessed issues that relate to my being gay that I may share in the near future on here. Life is definitely lonely right now and I feel alienated from "LGBTQ culture" or whatever that means.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Yet lots of bisexuals seem to larp as lesbians and wanting to be lesbians at any cost. Kinda funny. By being bisexualss they get experience staying with women and also experience the privilege of heterosexuality. They ended up with men mostly because is so far easier to find a partner among men and also having a natural family with no stigma is simply easier.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I know you've been struggling lately because you feel constrained by your small dating pool as a lesbian. It's rough. It's a way in which the chips are stacked against us, and can make life very lonely. But I also don't mean for my statement to be one about relative privilege between bisexual and lesbian women. Just that it's a fundamental misunderstanding or blindspot a lot of bisexual women have. When I was trying to figure myself out and even afterward, I spent some time in bisexual spaces just listening to the discourse and whatnot, especially because a lot of it still felt relevant to be as someone who had come out while married to a man. I do think that this has given me some insight into both bisexual women and lesbians' blindspots with one another. Anyway, I did often see/hear expressed "What's the difference? We're both attracted to women!" and a general inability or unwillingness from those women to recognize a huge experiential difference between bisexual and lesbian women and that that difference might genuinely be meaningful to a lot of lesbians. I don't think it's necessarily malicious, just people not knowing what they don't know, having this validated by everyone all over the place, and viewing things solely from the perspective of their own self-interest. It's also quite fashionable and PC right now to rag on homosexual people as "gatekeepers."

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

The privilege cannot be denied. It isn't so dramatic, I'm blessed with being seriosuly introverted, so being alone isn't a bad thing to me as for an extrovert, it doesn't make me miserable and desperate. I just sometimes think myself when my parents are dead me possibly alone, and undertsand I need to totally get used to rely to myself only. Homosexuality makes probability of staying alone in life or just for longer time high. It's the way of things. I just don't get people who see lesbianism as such cool thing, while is just something making life more complicated. You even have to think where to live based on potential bigness of dating poll. There is nothing super easy, even in this time and age where things are easier than ever, being a small minority, will always be harder.