Indoctrination / DoublethinkCatch-22: When you want to have gay sex, but it has to be PiV sex

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[–][deleted] 39 insightful - 13 fun39 insightful - 12 fun40 insightful - 13 fun -  (10 children)

i don't get any pleasure from anal

It's almost like women lack the main thing that gives men pleasure when receiving anal. Weird, huh?

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

I'm not a man, and welcome responses from the many gay/bi men in here with more experience with this on the male end. From my limited female perspective it does seem that for men both and women who genuinely like to receive anal sex, a major component of it is psychological. Once upon a time on r/agb I saw a question directed to bottoms about whether they enjoyed anal sex more from a psychological standpoint or a physical standpoint, and most seemed to say the psychological standpoint. For many it's both, but one more than the other, or one adds to the other. For others, it's only one not the other. I think on the female end, the psychological aspect is doing more work, but many women can and do feel physical pleasure from anal sex. For both men and women, it does seem to go with enjoying playing a submissive role in sex.

But no, Teen Vogue, just because I recognize that does not mean I think you should be marketing it to teen girls. And I certainly find the expectation that anyone should be into it a disturbing way in which porn has warped brains and interfered with real life for many people.

[–]Neo_Shadow_LurkerPronouns: I/Don't/Care 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

From my limited female perspective it does seem that for men both and women who genuinely like to receive anal sex, a major component of it is psychological.

Men have prostates, which are an erogenous area which is stimulated by anal sex. It's an anatomical thing.

That's why some straight men like pegging, for instance.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I figured that I didn’t have to say that because that is a given. But even without a prostate some women do enjoy anal stimulation/anal sex and do get physical pleasure from it. I’m stating this because I have seen some flat-out denial on here/related subsaidits from some women who stated they did not believe that any women genuinely like this or get physical pleasure from it, and that’s misinformation. Do I find it surprising that a woman is posting online that she doesn’t want to have it? Absolutely not. Do I wonder how such a woman can think she’s a gay man? Yes, for all the reasons.

Edit: Because apparently I do have to say it, yes, I know men have prostates and women do not. Obviously. But my point is that it's not the end all be all. I'm not really disagree with the comment I was responding to but adding this comment as a rider because of some related misinformation I've seen repeated as fact that some women like to get dogmatic about, out of some likely combination of ignorance, lack of personal experience, and ideological reasons.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I'm more bottom inclined gay male but I don't like anal sex or even penetration that much, its just rehashed heterosexuality. Too many gays build their entire personality over top/bottom stereotypes

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Would you refer to yourself in the dating context as a “side”? I heard that word for the first time recently.

I hear you with the top/bottom stereotypes. It’s become a weird feature of online “lesbian” culture that’s bled into real life too, and it makes even less sense for us. I posted on here recently that a few months back, a practical lesbian stranger said to my girlfriend about me “she’s the top, isn’t she?” And I have no idea if we was even trying to comment on my presumed sexual behavior or what she presumed about my personality or what. It was weird though. I can only imagine it’s because she was remarking on a perceived incongruence because I’m not particularly masculine in my style and my girlfriend is, and on the whole in public I’m the one who tends to hold her and exhibit what I guess you may consider more leading body language. She’s also a bit taller than me (though we both fall in the upper end of average/lower end of tall height range if I’m not wearing heels). So if you have a simplistic mindset of masculine style = more dominant interpersonal behavior = sexually dominant, maybe you think that’s notable.

It does seem like stereotyping is getting worse not better.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Its really strange when lesbians do the whole top/bottom thing, I happened to learn about it last year on a sub-reddit. I asked about it and was given an answer that women who use strap-ons are the "top" while women who get penetrated are the "bottoms". Its really uncanny territory as lesbians don't even have the equipment to be a "top" and that entire "strap-on lesbian sex" thing is such a porn-induced stereotype of lesbians, I assume there are many lesbians who wouldn't even want a plastic phallus near them

[–]DimDroog 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

practical lesbian stranger said to my girlfriend about me “she’s the top, isn’t she?” And I have no idea if we was even trying to comment on my presumed sexual behavior or what she presumed about my personality or what. It was weird though.

Wow, it may just be me, but I find it offensive as HELL when people comment about your sex life.

I would never dream of saying anything like this.

It's so flaming rude and personal!

Doesn't matter if the other person is LBG or not.

To me it's about respect.

[–]pacsatonifil 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Physically it feels great. I’m trying to think of something that’s unisex. Like a back massage it feels good, but now imagine your grandpa giving you one vs your naked girlfriend giving you one. One feels psychologically better. It still feels good, but like if I stuck a dildo it would feel good but if I had sex with a man it would be a whole body experience. It’s another plane of existence. If it didn’t feel good I would not do it even if the man was super hot.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This is a good analogy. And yes the whole body experience is an important point. Same-sex attraction is a whole body experience. We’re not attracted to singular body parts and personalities in isolation. It’s a package deal. The kind of sex they want us to have sounds weird, disembodied, and disconnected. Like glory holes or something. Sure, some people get off to that but it’s not enough for most people who want the full connection to a person we are attracted to in every way.