LifestyleHow much do you express your sexuality to your straight friends?

submitted by oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ from self.LGBDropTheT

Hello again! <3

I was wondering, for everyone who has come out to their friends and regarding your STRAIGHT friends from the SAME sex as yours:

  1. How much do you express your sexuality to them?

SOME IDEAS:

a)I don't. Despite them knowing, I don't feel comfortable enough to do it.

b)You only talk about your same sex partner/ex partners/crushes in a superficial manner

c)You express when you see somebody attractive in a subtle way "I think she/he's cute"

d) You aren't afraid of saying anything at all, even if it's very explicit

e) etc etc etc

I'm doing this post for fun and also because I'm currently struggling with this with my female straight friends. So I was wondering how you handle it, maybe it can help me. To be totally honest, I find myself repressing my sexuality A LOT, in particular with female straight friends (I'm a lesbian).

For example, sometimes I see a hot girl and I think something like "jesus, she's fcking hot" or think about a specific part of her body like her a, b*bs and I instantly repress it, because I'm terrified that my friends will be weirded out. But to be honest, this isn't doing any good to my mental health, constantly repressing my sexuality, feeling like I can't express what I feel all the time.

Thank you all in advance!

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[–]IridescentAnacondastrictly dickly 17 insightful - 2 fun17 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I may be much older than you, which colors my response quite a bit. I am fairly straightforward about my homosexuality but I don't express any overt sexuality and I find it a bit, well, off-putting when people do (even other gay men). Maybe it's an age or stage-of-life thing, I don't know. I'm perfectly fine talking about Husband in a way that makes it explicit that we are married, but it's much the same way that any straight person would talk about their spouse. The focus is on our life together, not sex.

[–]Retardation_station 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Exactly. Straight people don't walk around expressing our sexuality openly. And those who do are usually quietly pushed away. Very few people want to see or are comfortable with public displays of sexuality.

If I saw a straight dude unironically declaring his straightness (aside from supers, they have a job to do) I likely wouldn't go out of my way to get to know him.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, I definitely understand where you're coming from! Being overly explicit can be off putting. I'm just wondering because currently I'm struggling to express my sexuality in any way. Thank you for your feedback!

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Female bisexual here.

With my straight female friends, we either don't talk about it at all because we don't talk about intimacy, or we get very deep and dirty and don't hold a damn thing back. One extreme or the other.

It really depends on the person. And I believe it's very much a gender thing, women are taught to behave certain ways just like men are. Women gently test the waters and hold back our true thoughts and feelings, and find a neutral or compatible way of interacting. We escalate and build up and advance as we feel safe to do so.

sometimes I see a hot girl and I think something like "jesus, she's fucking hot" or think about a specific part of her body like her ass/boobs and I instantly repress it, because I'm terrified that my friends will be weirded out.

You gotta find the right friends. I know that's not easy, and I don't blame you at all for holding back. But at the same time, you may be doing your friendship(s) a disservice by holding back. They may be wanting to get to know you better and let loose themselves, and can't because you aren't revealing who you really are.

I don't know your exact circumstances though, it may not be safe for you to open up, so I can only speak in generalities.

(PS- you don't need to censor swear words or gendered slurs in this sub. We don't allow attacking other people with them, but descriptive usage and/or describing scenarios is fine. SaidIt/Reddit formatting can actually make censoring very unreadable if you don't know how to use code markup, so don't worry about it. This is the internet and we're all assumed adults or young adults here, go for it!)

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

And I believe it's very much a gender thing, women are taught to behave certain ways just like men are. Women gently test the waters and hold back our true thoughts and feelings, and find a neutral or compatible way of interacting. We escalate and build up and advance as we feel safe to do so.

Omg, you explain what I feel so well 😢 I feel like men are allowed to express their sexuality with no filters at all and sometimes it's even too much and with women it's opposite! I'm constantly afraid or testing if this is the right moment, the right time, the right people to say what I'm thinking or not. And the way I say the things is everything very thought and not espontaneous.

They may be wanting to get to know you better and let loose themselves, and can't because you aren't revealing who you really are.

Yes, this is precisely my problem. I repress so much and hold myself back so much I feel like my friends don't get to know me.😢 And then I just don't want to go out anymore, start distancing myself, because I feel so "careful" with what I speak all the time :'

PS- you don't need to censor swear words or gendered slurs in this sub.

Thanks for letting me know! I think you really nailed it, and could really understand my fears and problem with this... I feel much better after this comment, it will be a slow process, I hope I can become a more espontaneous person :'

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel like men are allowed to express their sexuality with no filters at all

Straight guys maybe. I don't think this is necessarily true otherwise.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don’t talk about my sexuality that much unless I’m asked. If I’m asked, I just say that I’m gay, that I’m attracted to males.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ok, thank you!

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

A all the way. They aren't interested in women, why would I mention it all the time?

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, that's what I think too. I feel like I want to be with people who understand me and I never am and end up feeling like the 'black sheep'.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Around straight girls I would never want to talk about my sexuality. And in general kind pretend I'm not lesbian, at least it's intimate relationships, but never talk about this things explicitely. Around straight males, it could be different. I find extremely vulgar and inappropriate to see people talk to openly about sexuality. And would be a turn-off even hearing a lesbians being so explicit. I dunno, I just find it lack of femininity to hear someone speak like an horny male. Unless is sex talk between two people teasing each other.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you!

[–]strawberrycake 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Hmm… I guess I’m more C. My friend group is mid-20s to early 30s. We have a dynamic of teasing each other and not being too serious. My boyfriend’s friends are pretty similar. Like, I won’t be afraid to say a game character is hot or whatever.

Interacting with most other people I’m more A.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you!

[–]Lizzythelezzo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm pretty open with straight female friends about crushing on women or dating women, but I don't tend to go into detail about sexual things like being attracted to breasts etc. My friends and I don't tend to have graphic sexual conversations in general, except on rare occasions.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You’ve been asking some awesome questions.
Thank you!

I’m like mostly A and it’s been eating away at me and something I want to work on. I’ve been really struggling lately. I have a deep aversion to vulnerability. I think it comes from having a narcissist for a mother who would use whatever she knew I was self-conscious about to hurt me. I haven’t spoken to her in years and yet I still have a fear of her finding out I’m gay. I do tend to try to hide my weaknesses and vulnerabilities from others. And being gay does make me feel vulnerable and I do hate that. On top of that I hate being associated with LGBTQ politics which I see as harmful to children and societally destructive. I came out in the LGBTQ era and quickly realized what the toxicity of gender identity politics. But effectively this means I never really got to experience pride. That I never got to be part of the gay community when it was welcoming to gay people and not overrun by fetishists and opportunists. I can understand why people throw themselves into pride. To wear your vulnerabilities like a shield of armor. I just want to be part of new institutions I can be proud of.

I’m moving to a very gay area soon to help be around more gay people. I already spend a lot of time there because my girlfriend lives there. I do think I need to do this as a first step even though it sounds counter-intuitive.l in terms of making me more comfortable being gay around straight people, particularly the ones I’ve known for a long time.

[–]pacsatonifil 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They know I’m gay from day one. I didn’t put this together until recently but my straight male friends are all Latin and they are super gay acting themselves. So I guess explicit. I had a friend joke about how I put a whole sausage in my mouth or how me and my man have sex. I mean it’s dumb stuff. I tell them the same. I feel pretty normal in the group. I believe it is largely cultural as that is how it’s always been.