Actual Response. Fun fact: I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home. I don’t mean my family went to church a lot and said grace before dinner. More like, my mom ignored an actual medical condition for 13 years because she was convinced God would heal her. That type of fundamentalist. (Mercifully, my parents have spent the last several years mellowing out to be relatively normal Christians.)

There were three main rules I was supposed to follow for everyone to be happy in this environment.

1. Don’t question any of the logical gaps or morality with with you’re presented. Just follow us.

2. Ignore the reality you can see with your own eyes and deduce from your own reason.

3. Completely ignore your sexual orientation and pretend to be heterosexual.

Needless to say, I failed spectacularly on all three accounts. When I was confronted about this as a teenager, it was framed as me being hateful and selfish because I wasn’t opening my heart for God’s love and I was choosing to hurt God, my family, and our church community by choosing to be a lesbian. Being cast as the villain by everyone around me fucked with my head for years and resulted in subsequent years of self-loathing and self-destructive behavior.

So, forgive me if I’m not tripping over myself to feel guilty for people with the same rules, expectations, and punishments as my parents’ church.

I’ve thought about what I would tell my teenage self if I could travel back in time. My response to this post happens to be the same: This has nothing to do with truth, honor, community, or respect. It certainly has nothing to do with love. It is only someone demanding you bend yourself until you break to make others feel more comfortable. You aren’t selfish. You aren’t crazy for seeing through this. You aren’t the villain here.