all 35 comments

[–]Daddiescummies 40 insightful - 2 fun40 insightful - 1 fun41 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Demisexual is an example of tenderqueers pathologizing normal human feelings like wanting an emotional connection before you fuck someone.

[–]SuperGayIsOkay 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's absurd how much they try to add idiotic labels and make flags for what would be considered an average healthy relationship. It's a weird cry for attention.

[–]FediNetizenSuper-semi-bisexual (i.e. straight) 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Lol, I love your username. That's one of those internet things you don't really forget.

[–]throwaway999 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Tenderqueers or trenderqueers? Either way, I laughed.

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 27 insightful - 5 fun27 insightful - 4 fun28 insightful - 5 fun -  (9 children)

Kind of sad that this is so 'abnormal' it is a new form of sexuality. Asexual? Nah, it is called being responsible, keeping it in your pants, having standards....You know, what most of us used to do...

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I think there may be some legitimacy with SOME people who identify with asexuality, but the vast vast VAST majority of people who use "Asexual" in their identity list are complete BS, of course.

Just as straight people have no attraction to people of the same sex and gay people have no attraction to people of the opposite sex, some people may simply have no attraction to people of either sex. However, I'd assume that these people don't go out screaming about how not-horny they are all the time like the attention seekers, but I would not doubt their existence. Historically, they likely would have been ignored for the fact that they don't commit the crime of same sex activity like gays and bisexuals do - I mean, would they be persecuted for never having sex?

Again, most people who call themselves asexual are just looking to make their inability or lack of desire to get laid with anyone available look special and not unfortunate, but there are probably a few legit ones out there.

[–]Bright_painting 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

One of my closest friends is a "true" asexual. She doesn't desire a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone, because she just doesn't get why anybody would want that. When we meet at 15, I just though that she was a late bloomer or a fellow lesbian; but now she is 20 and I think that she was just created in that way.

[–]oofreesouloo⚡super lesbian⚡ 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It happened the same to my with my sister. I'm pretty pretty sure my sister is asexual. At first, when we were teenagers, I thought she was a lesbian as well, but hadn't figure it out. She is now almost 24, never dated anyone and never had interest in anyone and sometimes is worried of dying "alone" because she desires companionship. But she doesn't ever feel sexual needs or attraction towards anyone. What worries her is simply no companionship. And we both had a wonderful upbringing and neither of us has any kind of trauma whatsoever. My sister has always been like this for as long as I can remember. She's the reason why I know asexuals do exists, despite being very very rare. And of course, she has absolutely no interest in screaming to the world she doesn't have sexual needs nor she labels herself as anything at all.

[–]GreykittymommaMagical lady 💜 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

For sure. Asexuals do exist but not these jerks that think they can turn it off and on whenever. I've met someone I assumed was but it wasn't any of my business and they didn't care to share because, you know, they had very little interest in discussing sex. Kind of a sign there.

[–]jim_steak 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

The only real issue I have with asexuality (besides the ridiculous claims that asexuals are oppressed) is their claim that questioning of asexuality is harmful. There are a lot of treatable problems that might result in lowered sex drive: hormone imbalances, medications, sexual trauma, stress, etc. and I worry that treating lowered sex drive as an innate condition similar to sexuality could result in many people suffering with problems that are treatable.

[–]shveya 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think the vast majority of them are just experiencing side-effects from antidepresants.

[–]NeedMoreCoffee~=[,,_,,]=^_^= 9 insightful - 7 fun9 insightful - 6 fun10 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

I mean if your dating pool is gender loons it's no surprise you don't want to have sex tbh.

[–]nautilistic 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's not even 'abnormal'. It only appears that way if you get all your knowledge of dating culture from /r/tinder or television.

It's vastly more common for people to be "demisexual". Except most people are happy not having to claim a label and position in the alphabet soup for it.

[–]WildApples[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What tripped me out is that this was a married, middle-aged woman with children, not a naive, college student whose knowledge of sexual relationships has been defined solely by campus hook-up culture. She is old enough to know better.

She said this in front of her teenage son, so she is sending him the message that hooking up indiscriminately is the norm and if he wanta an emotional connnection he needs a special label. It is sick.

[–]reluctant_commenter 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Yeah, I have a friend who told me this... I just try to be nice. They'll grow out of it eventually, lol.

And remember-- they are not LGB, they are "LGBTQ+." Drop the T, drop the Q, drop the +, please and thanks...

I sympathize with actual asexuals who are sexually attracted to no one. That is a sexual orientation in its own right, though a very tiny one (like L G and B are). But many people are just fine not having sex regularly, are happy being single, are not attracted to most people they meet, etc. and I think it's sad that people who call themselves "demisexual" feel that their experience is so belittled that they are in a minority. People like that are actually quite common!

Perhaps if there were less shaming (in Western countries) of people who don't want to have sex every second of their lives, people who call themselves "demisexual" would not feel so alone and would realize how common their experience is.

[–]Chunkeeguy 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Asexuality is not a sexuality any more than atheism is a religion. It’s an absence of sexuality and does not in any way belong with LGB. The idea that it’s a spectrum is just ludicrous.

[–]reluctant_commenter 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think it belongs with the LGB. But I do think it exists, and is not just the result of medication or TQ+ lunacy or whatever else. I don't think it's a spectrum, either.

You could call it a "complete lack of sexuality" instead of a "sexual orientation," proper, but it IS a distinctive pattern of sexual arousal-- specifically, of no arousal.

[–]WildApples[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

She is already middle-aged. I don't understand how she got sucked into it at her age.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Having a skewed sense of perspective, e.g. not realizing that the "demisexual" experience is actually extremely common and almost everybody would qualify as a "closet demisexual," is something people are susceptible to at any age.

There's more risk for younger people because of special susceptibility to peer pressure in a developing brain. But unfortunately people at any age may lack critical thinking skills, lol.

[–]sneeuweekhoorn 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They literally found a way to redefine the majority of people on the fucking planet into some kind of oppressed minority. The whole casual sex culture thing isn't everyone, most people aren't engaging in it at all.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Because most media and events portray being gay as a 24 hour party, and straight people want in on that. What they don't realise is that being lesbian or gay (or same sex bi) is the same as being straight, except for the homophobia and the fact that we can't reproduce with the same sex.

[–]INeedSomeTimeAsexual Ally 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh god. This reminds me of a similar person, whose reaction to my asexuality (no some bullshit how I feel sexual attraction only on Wednesday evenings) was saying how they're demi and married to the partner of opposite sex... like... ok.

[–]Femaleisnthateful 9 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Well, her sexual preferences are discriminatory and exclusionary. I'm offended. What a bigot.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 4 fun8 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)


Wake me up when preferences stop being elevated to orientations and personality traits stop being seen as genders.

[–]JulienMayfair 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Here are some questions I would ask: Were you ever subject to being arrested for your sex life?

Would you ever have been beaten up for walking down the street holding your husband's hand?

Would you ever have been thrown out of the house you shared with your partner because, after his death, his family swooped in and claimed it legally?

[–]bopomofodojo 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What is with these people? Why do they feel such a need to claim LGB status to feel special?

It literally is that simple.

Among "progressives", being "part of the LGB[TQWTFZYX] community" is a positive virtue signal. It communicates that they are "good people" who are, not just allies, but actual members of the group. Thus, these straights will try absolutely anything they can to join the community. Now, naturally, since you can't change your sexual orientation, that means somehow making "straight" a part of the LGB[TQWTFXYZ] community. Thus, we get "demisexual": a term that literally means "has a normal, healthy view of sexual relationships". It's maddening.

[–]metafilter_sucks 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think what's happening is there are a lot of under-socialized, autistic, CPTSD, socially-isolated people these days who lack self-worth and sense of identity, and have genuine sensory-processing issues so they latch onto these labels to make sense of it.

I used to lurk asexual forums and over and over again I'd see the story: "One time I was hanging out with my friends and all of them were fawning over how HAWT so-and-so celebrity is. I didn't feel like joining in so it must mean I'm demisexual/asexual!" They seem to not get it that there's a big performative aspect to such situations, that a lot of the enthusiasm is just about fitting in or just having going "yay!" over something.

I doubt it's a coincidence that most of these snowflakesexuals, if check their post histories tends to be full of stories of autism, bullying, abusive parents, body-image issues, depression, anxiety, deep insecurity.

[–]firemonke8brown gay 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

LGBTQIA+ means straight people are the real queer community, it hardly applies to actual LGB people nowadays. Boring straight fauxgressive women are now the ''real queers". Its just a phase, she will eventually leave her husband or her husband will leave her and then come out as non-binary

The timeline for fauxgressive women:

Start as a vanilla ordinary woman >> (becomes very "progressive")>> Comes out as demisexual >> (gets very involved with the queersTM)>> come out as non-binary (a large majority of these women end up here and stay here) >> (if she is especially perverted and sexual) >> comes out as a "gay transman" . She then becomes an idiotic caricature of a man, the very same thing she hated years ago in her feminist phase.

[–]pacsatonifil 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I mean sure whatever LBGT is heterosexual in my head now. I sometimes say LGB but to be clear I say homo. Demisexual is not an orientation it is just something else. Imagine if I liked to watch movies before I had sex with someone would I be a filmsexual? LGBTDF nonsense bullshit!

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I'm on the asexual spectrum. Yes it does exist, there is even historical representation of it throughout history; however, the vast majority of people claiming to be on the asexual spectrum aren't. That vast majority are mistaking sex drive and sexual attraction, a kink for sexuality, or have some sort of internalized homophobia they need to work though. For reference in the 90's there was a study that showed about 1% of the population was on the asexual spectrum then in 2017 they found 4% identified as asexual. The thing is you don't see numbers like that fluctuate and you would expect almost zero fluctuation on a lesser stigmatized sexuality. The asexual spectrum has become the annoying 'bisexual girl' in high school who want attention but is just a strait girl who is desperately alone.

OP I get why you have your eye roll moments with the asexual's; I'm rolling my eyes most of the time too as I've met maybe one other asexual that actually seemed to be an asexual. But they do exist, this isn't' a new age sexuality that popped up in the early 00's.

[–]latuspodSuper Straight 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

How exactly is asexual a spectrum? Either you have an interest in sex or you don't. Demisexual is just what healthy responsible adults want in a relationship, it isn't "queer" despite what any self-professed demisexual would have you believe.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Demisexual is not just a healthy response. The problem is the vast majority of people claiming to be Demi aren't they are mistaking not wanting to jump into the sack with someone as not having sexual attraction. The fact that you see 'lesbian demisexuals' is a good example of this and how stupid it's gotten. Lesbian: A woman who is sexually attracted to women Demisexual: someone who requires an emotional bond to feel sexual attraction. How can someone feel sexual attraction while not feel sexual attraction? They can't, it's stupidly ironic. If they can identify that they are more attracted to women they aren't a demisexual or on the asexual spectrum.

Another issue the asexual spectrum have to deal with is how many partners someone has. I get that the whole 'gold star lesbian/gay' is toxic as heck but if you had a man saying he was gay but had like fifteen women sex partners in his history at what point do you say "hey maybe you're bi?". Same thing with the asexual spectrum, no one want's to shit on someone or slut shame them but I'm getting pretty damn tired of all these 'demisexuals' who have mile line lists of past partners claiming to have zero sexual attraction. "Like how easy is it for you to form a strong emotional bond? Are you just a level 10 clinger with massive codependency issues?"

[–]throwaway999 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's actually really normal to not feel sexually attracted to a person until after you form an emotional bond with them. It's sort of how we have society where children are raised by parents.

[–]Wandering_Idiot 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No it's not. It's normal to not want to just have sex with random people. I'm talking zero levels of attraction. I have the same sexual attraction to a conventionally attractive person as I do to a toaster.

For example a woman can identify normally if she strait or a lesbian, she at least knows what directions she's pointing. Asexual the compass is spinning.

[–]WildApples[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I believe asexuality exists, but I don't believe this woman was asexual (she experiences sexual attraction) or that being asexual makes one LGB. I was not rolling my eyes at asexuality, but at the blatant colonization implied in her comments .