DiscussionI don't think you can have a "community" based both on sex-based attraction and gender identity

submitted by JulienMayfair from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]Daddiescummies 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I think a great example of this is gay bars. People got upset at the fact that gay bars were designed for gay men, and not for mentally ill tenderqueers, so any gay bar that prioritizes gay men over cis women LARPing as oppressed gets shut down.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Now I know why gay bars are gone. I just want a space where I can be around other same-sex-attracted men but I also support spaces for same-sex-attracted women to hang out with each other. But those things are not allowed, "because they’re exclusive". But that’s the point, they were meant to be exclusive. When these spaces stopped being exclusive, it wasn’t long before these spaces started to fade.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

It didn't help that straight women used them as a place to get away from those pesky heterosexual men...without caring about the fact that LGB need a space away from heterosexuals too.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I was in a lesbian bar recently (remember those?!) and there was a bachelorette party for a straight girl in there too (and yes she said she was straight, not a bisexual girl marrying a man). While that group didn’t act particularly obnoxious to my knowledge and so it could have been a lot worse, I did think about how ignorant she and her friends must have been about how few lesbian bars and spaces of any kind are left.

I really don’t think straight people have any idea of how dire things are for lesbians. Tbh they never hear about us anymore. When I was closeted I was not coming across out lesbians or bisexual women who were dating women. Gay really did seem to be presented a mainly male thing, and I think that kept me in a fog.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Honestly, think about it from the bar's perspective. These people were paying to be there and helping keep the bar operating. That's literal financial support to the lesbian community.

Lesbian bars have gone under because it's no longer economically feasible to have an establishment cater to such a small community. The overhead for owning a brick and mortar business, and one that sells mainly alcohol at that, is so high they need to be packed several nights a week to make a profit.

The ones who have survived have done so by selectively allowing outsiders in if they behave. A lot of times that hasn't worked out and transbians and pervy straight men have driven lesbians away (like a bar I know that has now rebranded as a karaoke bar in recent years.) It sounds like this bar's owners have found a good middle ground. At least they're still here.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

like a bar I know that has now rebranded as a karaoke bar in recent years.

Lipstick Lounge?

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No, I guess there's more than one. Not a shock really.