Men's Issues"Looking for Trans Only" men on Grindr.

submitted by Criticallacitirc from self.LGBDropTheT

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[–]JulienMayfair 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

These are what are known as "chasers." I fooled around with a bi-curious guy in college, and he later told me that what he really wanted was "a chick with a dick." I guess there's also a market for "a man with a pussy."

[–]Criticallacitirc[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Ya but why are chasers chasing me ? Lol

[–]reluctant_commenter 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

It might sound a little strange but I've heard of highly-autogynephilic men who actually would have sex with a man in order to "affirm" his self-image as being a woman. Many chasers are also autogynephilic. Perhaps that's the case for some of them?

For others, they may be closeted bisexual men as you described. It seems like there is a lot of bisexual erasure for men in particular. I'm not familiar with the dating scene for gay/bisexual men, though, so I'm just speculating.

edit: Also that sounds annoying, sorry you're dealing with that.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

There is a lot of erasure for bisexual men. I acknowledge that bisexual men exist, but you’d be surprised with the amount of people who believe that only women can be bisexual. And then you have people who acknowledge that bisexual people exist, but don’t want to date them. Which is fine, we’re all entitled to our preferences, we can’t help what we’re attracted to and not attracted to, but there are a lot of gay men, straight women and even bisexual women who won’t date bisexual men simply because of ignorance.

Another thing to consider, if a man is bisexual, he is way more likely to end up with a woman than with a man as a life partner. There are significantly more straight/bisexual women than there are gay/bisexual men. If a bisexual man lives in a society where bisexuality is taboo or misunderstood, he’s going to rule out dating, marrying, civilly uniting with or cohabiting with other men. Men don’t like to deal with hassle unless it’s necessary for us to deal with it, and I can imagine that explaining to people over and over again that you go both ways gets tiring, especially when the people asking you these questions are being confrontational and rude. So I don’t blame bisexual men for being closeted. But it is a shame, because I would like my dating pool to go up.

[–]reluctant_commenter 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Funny, I have encountered a surprising amount of people who believe that bisexuality doesn't exist, period. And then you have the opposite problem: bisexual people who think that everyone must be bisexual, just because they are. Lol. If everybody could just do a little perspective-taking, maybe we would all understand each other better.

Yup, all good points.

So I don’t blame bisexual men for being closeted. But it is a shame, because I would like my dating pool to go up.

I totally feel you, dude. Many bisexual women are also closeted, and some small but vocal proportion seem to actually be women who aren't same sex attracted at all and self-describe as being "bisexual" for other reasons.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I also know people who believe that bisexuals aren’t real; that bisexuals are either closeted homosexuals or attention-seeking heterosexuals. So far, none of them have shamed a bisexual person for being bisexual, at least not that I know of, so I’ve never felt the need to get them to acknowledge that bisexuality is real. But when these people ask me why I acknowledge the existence of it, I simply compare bisexuality to being ambidextrous and also point out that, there being two sexes, it’s not entirely impossible that a small proportion of the adult population could like both sexes. But all I do is explain, I don’t preach. And to be fair, while I can acknowledge that bisexuality is real, I can never understand what it would be like to be bisexual, because I’m not. And on the flip side, a bisexual man can never understand what it’s like for me to be gay, nor what it’s like for my dad or my brother to be straight. But I could imagine being bi as best I can, and imagination is where empathy comes from.

I find it ironic that so many bisexual women are closeted, while so many straight or lesbian women say they’re bisexual. I can understand a lesbian calling herself bisexual at the start of her self-discovery, because oftentimes a homosexual finds out that he or she has same sex attraction before he or she realises that he or she lacks opposite-sex attraction. That happened to me; I was 17 when I was certain I liked men, and 18 when I was certain I had no interest in women. But I don’t get why a straight person, woman or man, would pretend to be bisexual. For the record, I can understand a bisexual person who’s married to a person and has previously dated people of that one sex, while never having experiences with anyone from the other sex, because probably or whatever.

[–]MarkJeffersonTight defenses and we draw the line 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

But I don’t get why a straight person, woman or man, would pretend to be bisexual.

I don't think it's likely a straight man would, not even briefly for kicks. The risk of being seen as gay would be too great for most of them, as they would very likely to be rounded up to 6 on the Kinsey scale. Would nuke most of their chances with the opposite sex at that point.

A straight woman(of progressive political leanings) might, because the risk of being seen as homosexual(and judged as such) is less for women and because bisexuality is also frequently considered merely a lifestyle choice for liberals "open-minded" about sexuality. Strategically required or not, I think this is an unfortunate consequence of tying the LGB so closely with one political side. It becomes like the "political lesbian" situation with feminists. Both letters can be seen as a type of lifestyle/political decision, so you get lots of activist heterosexuals wearing a letter- like a statement of their own ideology/affiliations.

Also, there's this thing in younger progressive circles, an obligatory sex-positivity, where it's considered uptight and old-fashioned to be in any way reserved about your sex life. I do believe it's responsible for the propagation of all of these more recent gendered abstractions around sexuality from the left. Because a lot of people are naturally not going to be all, "Hey, Look at me!" about sex.

Many people prefer to keep that aspect of their life private and unadvertised. But what happens when their demographic or political alignment makes advertising publicly about your sex life practically compulsory? You can buffer yourself from that by building a wall of nonsensical weasel words(gender-speak) between you and the reality of sex, like many do(which subsequently helps to erase boundaries and paves the way for sexual opportunists/predators).

But an easy way to get the sex-positivists off your back is to simply identify as bi. Because bi trumps even promiscuous straight when it comes to sex-positivity and openness. What could be more open-minded than someone who would date both sexes and copulate with everything that moves? I mean, that's not what bisexuality actually is, but that's how the thinking goes, at least for females.

Anyway, when it comes to myself, I appropriated straight long before I identified as bi. I simply low-key projected my own sexuality on to heterosexuals all up until I became an adult. Before then, I figured that's how straight people actually were, but no one admitted to their same-sex attraction due to the stigma. Whoops...

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The compulsory sex positivity in woke circles is definitely a serious problem. Not that there’s anything wrong with being sexual, but it’s okay to have a strict attitude towards your own sexuality. In fact, I don’t even consider it sex negative to treat your sexuality as a private matter or to self-regulate your sexuality, I consider it a good thing, because sex has consequences and it therefore needs to be treated with respect. Plus, there is a time and a place for it. You are not free unless you are in control of your sexuality. And the fact that these woke liberals don’t see it is a sad reflection on society.

[–]usehername 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I guess you're feminine enough for them (closet bi guys). Do you have facial hair?

[–]Criticallacitirc[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

No facial hair. If I appear feminine, it's just because of my hair, my build I guess. I don't do anything in terms of mannerisms or dress that I would label as feminine.

[–]usehername 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

These guys are deep in the closet.