all 32 comments

[–]artemisiagrey 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

As a gender non-conforming lesbian (who also grew up in the goth scene!), I get it. For a while there it looked like gender stereotypes were slowly being broken down. Now we're back where we started.

Knowing now that we've gone backwards and everything I went through would be interpreted as 'I'm really just a man' is so messed up. It feels like erasure of gender non-conforming experiences.

It took me years to finally get to a place where I could accept myself as a masculine woman. There are still days where I feel uncomfortable being myself in public. It's a process. But I am happier now, which is something.

Honestly, I don't know if any of this actually helps, but I do hear what you are saying. You're not alone in this.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Thank you for sharing your experience, it really does help! And yeah, I mean I do feel comfortable in the sense that even though I can be negatively perceived by the world around me when I'm out in public, I feel confident in how I look and I'm happy I'm being true to myself in that regard. It's just that sometimes it can be lonely when I can't find others like me but especially with the gender critical stuff.

[–]artemisiagrey 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I know what you mean. I have a friend who's gay but thinks he's doing the right thing by being supportive of all this nonsense. I know his heart is in the right place and hope he'll see what's going on eventually. I also know women who are gender critical but they're very straight and feminine so they don't get some of the things that get to me sometimes. I'm used to that by now though. I would love to meet a fellow LGB who's also gc in person someday.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly. And for some Gays and Lesbians who are rolling themselves over for the Trans nonsense thinking that they're doing the right thing, I get it because I was like that too until I really took a hard look at the ideology and how it was actually all a lie and negatively impacting women's rights and sanctions as well as being a sort of covert gay erasure.

I'm just waiting for the day whee some sort of Trans nonsensical event truly peaks a lot of people to see it for what it really is.

[–]PenseePansyBio-Sex or Bust 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Totally OT of course, but can I just say what a lovely username you have? "Artemisia" is one of my all-time favorite female names, and it pairs beautifully with "Grey". So evocative, elegant, and poetic! Sounds like my dream girlfriend :)

[–]SerpensInferna 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Your words aren't useless. Thank you for sharing this here, because I'm sure there are other people out there who are feeling the same way and find it comforting to read your words.

At least here you are among similar-minded folks. It may be a cold comfort but the world we are in right now provides instant communication and more isolation than we've ever known before, so sometimes boards like these are all we have.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I totally understand that and I'm grateful this place exists. I guess I just wish I could run into more gay men who don't buy into the trans lie, especially more feminine gay men.

[–]SerpensInferna 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I understand - it's been very hard to find women who don't buy into it either. Lesbians are already a rare species, let alone with this gender fluid and non-binary nonsense. It's so hard to wrap my mind around how so many people are so easily influenced. I wish for better days ahead.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that it hasn't been better on the woman front but I'm not surprised, it's been the same on my end as well with women. It's just sad... Because it makes you not even want to try to converse with people IRL because you're not sure how they're gonna react if they find out you're Gender Critical.

[–]Trolley 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thank you for sharing some of your story. As a gay man who is very much gender critical and also very much into gender nonconforming men, I hope you'll know that we do exist. My boyfriend sounds like he has a similar story to yours, at least in as much as he is both very feminine and very gender critical. I am more stereotypically masculine, and I know that makes many things easier for me where society and our sexuality meet. I wish that wasn't so, but I know it is. Even so, don't give up hope. Keep being you. Keep insisting on the truth. You'll find him.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this, I needed to hear this. I just wish I could find more gay men who aren't afraid to speak up for the truth. For more feminine gay men especially to speak up on this because honestly the experiences that we feminine gay men, especially Gender Nonconforming Ga men hold the other side of the puzzle to how trans "identity" is just a bunch of malarky. But I just especially don't want to see young gay children falling into this terrible path neither.

And thanks, I don't have all that much hope in finding a relationship but I appreciate the sentiment, thank you.

[–]Midcentury 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Feminine and effeminate are different things, related but different.

Its much easier in this day and age to be an effeminate gay man than it was even a decade ago.

Be camp, be effeminate. Ignore other peoples bullshit. Gets easier the older you get, trust me.

Don't forget to party.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you

[–]Dromedary 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My dear guy: please go on being your femme fabulous self. I love you, I've had many friends I've loved who sound like you. You are FINE and great and unique as you are.

Only 30! Oh, I wish I were 30 again. I know that's not comfort. But wow (I'm 52, if I were 72 I'd probably say the same.) The gay dating scene is brutal. Very hard. Opposed to creating real love relationships in a lot of ways at your age. I'm sorry for your suffering, I've felt that too. I'm alarmed and appalled to read that a lot of feminine gay men are going trans, because that's a dead end and a whole other can of worms. Oh my god. Glad to see you know this. Wish I had better advice but I'm alone too at my age, I don't see this changing. But transing.. god no. What a horrible path. Relationships aren't all that. I'm no one to talk, my 5 year relationship imploded overnight and I have the scars. Learning to love yourself and be yourself in the world is way more important. Best to you.~

[–]JoeyJoeJoe 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Having integrity will often mean being isolated, but the people you do collect will be the right ones.

Try not to get to caught up in the language of it all. State your truth, but don't be a martyr. I've heard many cities are reviving 'voguing' as a social, expressive thing. Seems a possible path to be powerful, male & effeminate and maybe find a crew? I wish you the absolute best.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I really don't try to be a martyr but I don't see any other feminine GNC men speaking out against this stuff. I see plenty of Lesbians and non-conforming women do it and I think that feminine men should really do the same and so because I can be vocal, especially when some get upset that I don't use "preferred pronouns", some people may think I'm trying to be some martyr when I'm not.

I'm a bit hesitant trying to mingle n Gay communities because so many of them are co-opted by the Trans crowd but I'll keep open for more LGB people who don't buy into it.

[–]Elvira95Viva la figa 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, feminine gay guys have it worst than masculine lesbian, since we live in a society where femininity is considered shameful and a sign of being inferior. I got all the respect for guys like you. You got the worst type of discrimination, discriminated socially and also by others gay people. In the end, being a small minority sucsk, being different just sucks, makes everything more difficult, regardless of your gender presentation. We've been dealt a card making our life more challenging, but there are far worst conditions.We can do nothign except being hopeful.But never lose what you are, a male who is also gay and feminine, not a woman by any means.

[–]Kai_Decadence[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have to agre.e I know that masculine lesbians and masucline women in general can have it pretty rough sometimes, especially if the woman makes herself look masculine i.e boycut hairstyles and absolutely no interest in dress or figure hugging clothing but I have to admit that I think they are a tiny bit more accepted then feminine GNC men for the reaosns you highlighted. I just htink it's so sad and frustating because feminine GNC guys can get so much hate when we're just trying to live our lives like any other person. And I find it even more fucked that people would sooner accept some deluded man who thinks he's a woman (on the surface) over a feminine guy who knows who he is and s sane. Absolutely appalling.

But despite all this, I know that deep down I'm not doing anything wrong nor are any other guys like myself and I'll keep trying to push on and speak out.