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[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

So let's talk about both. I've been told I'm homophobic for suggesting this scenario is happening, and within the last month.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I think most people here of a non-Orangina (and a few others) variety would be OK with discussing both, but I think you are oversimplifying what other people have said and what you have said, which is complete denial that there are bisexual people in denial (or who don’t realize they are bisexual) contributing to scenarios like this or seem to realize how that can happen or why other people could reasonably come to that conclusion without hating bisexual people. Instead you accused me and other people who are reasonable and compassionate and interested in learning about bisexual issues of acting like bisexuals are “dirty” or that bisexuality is a dirty secret.

You even accused me of being a bisexual in denial (but also denied that anyone could be) and acted like I have some sort of anti-bisexual agenda, which I think the long-time bisexual contributors here would find as ludicrous as I do.

You also seem to misinterpret my longstanding curiosity at understanding the differences in experiences and issues between and among each group in here (lesbians, bi women, bi men, and gay men) as a bad thing. I am especially curious about the differences between bisexual women and lesbians because like a lot of bisexual and lesbian women, I have given thought about which one most accurately described my experiences. All the more reason for me to have the compassion for both groups that I have.

But as I’ve said in comments to you and/or others, in order to protect the interests of all of LGB and understand and support the unique interests of each group, we need to be able to delineate ourselves and work from a common set of definitions and understandings.

Also, I’ve been very open on here, in s/lesbians, and through pms about my coming out journey and process, including my limited experiences with men and my prior heterosexual marriage, so if I’m afraid of being called or considered a bisexual, my strategy leaves something to be desired. And if someone does think I’m one, I’d be more curious as to what made them draw that conclusion.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I had to dig up the comment you're talking about:

You:

I have to ask, did I touch a nerve by accusing OP of being a bisexual in denial?

Me:

Obviously! You know you did! Acting like being bisexual is some ugly dirty secret that you've caught a usurper engaging in is offensive to say the least. Dumping disapprobation on someone because you think you've sniffed out a bisexual is abusive behavior. You don't get to define other people or order them to accept an unwanted identity. This is directly contributing to a problem you want to rectify- bisexuals pretending to be gay.

People don't remember what you say, they remember how you made them feel. That guy's deeper in the closet now!

You would absolutely lose your top if someone accused you of being a bisexual in denial, and I've gotten the impression that other lesbians sometimes do just by your fixation on the topic. This is where my empathy comment came from. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Write a comment that you could take reading about yourself.

I'm glad that stuck with you. I still think that all of that. I was harsh about it because I thought you were being harsh and I was answering in kind.

As for this thread, the point MyLongestJourney made is one that I've been making.

Why do I have to wait for a lesbian to back me up in order to make a (correct!) observation about a situation? I'm right, I know I'm right, why am I treated like a threat? I've been saying this for months. I got harassed for days after I (correctly!) pointed out this coercion scenario was going on in an article where others saw closet bisexuals.

Do I not get input? I'm just always wrong by default, until a lesbian figures out the same thing on her own and I get to jump in and tell her she's right? I don't know if you've picked up that bisexual women sometimes do that here, it's a way to advocate for viewpoints we can't openly state. There is a power difference lesbians don't seem to want to acknowledge.

I'm not misunderstanding, I'm telling you this is the situation at hand.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

A while back I typed out a response to your comment that I described above and then ended up deleting it before I could post it because ultimately I did not think it was productive. I thought you were acting hypocritical af and exhibiting as much of a blindspot and grudge as you were accusing myself and others of having.

But what you don’t seem to realize is that “lesbian” is not really an important “identity” for me. The only person I tend to refer to myself as such to is my girlfriend. There is nothing on the public record attaching my name or face to the word “lesbian” or “gay.” I’m out in that I openly date women, and I engage in public displays of affection with women. But I never made any public statement on social media or otherwise about being “gay” or a “lesbian” or “LGBTQ” or whatever. So I think probably a lot of people do assume I am bisexual because I was in a long-term relationship with a man, and that is on the public record. But people making that assumption about me doesn’t bother me at all and it would not an unreasonable assumption to make.

My point is I don’t feel like I’m engaged in some homosexual vs bisexual or lesbian vs bi woman battle. That seems to be more your lens than mine and you’re projecting it on me. I view same-sex attraction as one thing with different strains. I view the sameness before the differences. I recognize that we have overlapping interests and experiences but not identical ones. I want there to be some semblance of LGB solidarity that exists independent of gender identity. That’s why I’m here. To learn about what others are going through.

I’m willing to listen, and I don’t apply different standards to people in here based on their sexual orientation but sometimes that information is helpful in understanding where they’re coming from, and potential biases, and blindspots.

But I do know why I found a number of your comments notable and that was because you didn’t seem to care or understand how [insert emotion here] it is for people to tell us homosexuality is a lifestyle choice and how absurd that feels based on our own life experiences. I initially noticed it when you tried to call me out for suggesting that a person who was literally preaching to us that he is attracted to both sexes but chooses to be with one for moral reasons and that therefore we must be attracted to both sexes too and that our homosexuality was inherently a choice, is bisexual.