The culture comes last. It didnt matter what the culture was, it flows from whatever the hell gay people say it is and that if gay people didnt exist, then her identity wouldnt exist.

Yes. All in all, I identify with little of gay or lesbian culture. In part it is because I came out later so I did not grow up within gay spaces or around a lot of gay people. But another part of it was that I didn’t identify with what was being presented to me as “gay” or “lesbian” and so I thought what I was feeling must be something else. And “bisexual” did not seem accurate either.

It took me a longass time to meet a single out lesbian and even longer to meet one I could relate to. The FtM’s idea that she “would know she’s gay” even if she never met another human being seems ludicrous and mirrors the transbians saying they knew the heterosexual sex they were having was “queer” or that they loved women in a “queer” way. Nothing feels “queer” about my sexual or romantic interactions with women. I’m just very attracted to women on a visceral and psychological level. But it just feels normal and natural, not queer. I feel none of that toward men. I have no drive or interest beyond friendship. I feel like if I had not been presented with pervasive examples of heterosexuality in my life it would never have occurred to me that I should try to partner with a man.

It’s the sum of this that makes me know I’m gay. But I did need to be shown what it looked like for two women to be together in order to recognize my feelings as indications that I was exclusively attracted to women and should actively partner with women (and not just think about it). I never “felt gay.” I still do not “feel gay.” I have zero internal feeling of gay identity. A lot of the time I don’t even think of myself as gay or lesbian or include myself mentally when I hear those words. I definitely don’t think “we” when I hear “the LGBT(Q) Community” and feel even more isolated from it by the day.

The idea that if you’re gay you just know independent of anything else was harmful to me. And it’s also a total nonsense. And if you have an internal gay identity but you are not homosexual and are in fact heterosexual, no fucking wonder you feel dysphoria from trying to utilize tired stereotypes to shove yourself into a box that was not meant for you.