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[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

So since dysphoria as it is currently being used means fuck all, we should try saying without any elaboration that transbians’ penises and gaydens’ vaginas make us feel dysphoric. Why can their genitalia give them but not us dysphoria? Especially when so many transbians have said they only want “cis lesbians” because their fellow transbians’ penises give them dysphoria.

[–]gummybear 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

i've perused through ftm and mtf subreddits and their dysphoria seems less like a medical condition and more like a feeling that comes and goes based on how people treat them. They seem to desire a certain dynamic and be seen a certain way. The lower our boundaries are, the less they feel the need to transition. Which means theyre not really having some internalized problem but transforming themselves to pursue an object. And if they can acquire the object (gay or lesbian) without much effort, then they will. You'd think the dick would cause the man dysphoria but i guess it really doesnt. It's lesbian rejection that gives him dysphoria.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

The lower our boundaries are, the less they feel the need to transition.

This is consistent with my observations, particularly on the heterosexual FtM side. I have also noted it among homosexual MtFs for whom sexual access to men they perceive as straight seems to drive a lot of their transition decisions. A lot get told “if you didn’t have a penis, then it wouldn’t be a problem” by men they don’t seem to grasp are trying to let them down as easily and non-confrontationally as possible without meaning it. It seems that many of them don’t have any issue with their genitalia other than the hindrance they believe it poses to them finding a fulfilling relationship. As someone said on here recently, “they want to be seen as chicks, not chicks with dicks.” Hence it is other people’s perceptions of them that drive transition decisions including and especially the decision to get genital surgery. It’s strange because I can understand not wanting to be fetishized but at the same time their is so much commentary about not wanting men to be attracted to their penises. It destroys the illusion that they are with a straight man and if they’re not with a straight man than there is too high a risk that they’re not being seen as a woman. With all of this hyperfixation on other peoples’ perceptions, no wonder they’re dysphoric.

A while back someone on here or s/GC linked a video of an Australian HSTS and I found his YouTube channel to be a fascinating (but also sad and other times angering) look into his mindset. In the linked video, he was complaining about dating as a TW. His other videos revealed that he had no discomfort with his genitalia, only wanted genital surgery to attracted straight men, didn’t even know what female genitalia looked like, and had a friend tell him that the photos he was using as a model for his surgically altered genitalia was terrible and didn’t look anything like female genitalia, and he apparently had no idea.

As an aside: He complained in a video about a situation where he stealthed a straight man and revealed his male status right before sex was about to occur, which did then occur after the man was taken aback, and the next day the man said he felt extremely uncomfortable with what happened and didn’t want to see him again and he acted incredulous and like he was the one who had been wronged. Total lack of empathy. Wish I could find this channel again.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

A while back someone on here or s/GC linked a video of an Australian HSTS

not this one im guessing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5CPV60uJbA

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Nope not that one but thanks anyway.

[–]gummybear 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

what you mentioned hasnt been brought up on here and it's an important point because after talking to them for a while, they seem to present an essentialist view that it's medical. The people i've argued with (ftm) give an essentialist view of transexualism which i know isnt true. These ftm straight women posing as gays probably the most ridiculous thing out of all cases as if nature is going out there making "gay men" and trapping them inside straight women's bodies.

I said that she couldnt possibly be gay and people like her never existed back in the day. That she was listing strange stereotypes about what it means to be a gay man and she was relating to a social identity but that's not what being gay was. The culture comes last. It didnt matter what the culture was, it flows from whatever the hell gay people say it is and that if gay people didnt exist, then her identity wouldnt exist. She responded with, "even if i was on an island with no contact from any other human being, i would know i'm gay because it's independent of society and culture" <-- an essentialist view. But i just dont buy it.

[–]yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The culture comes last. It didnt matter what the culture was, it flows from whatever the hell gay people say it is and that if gay people didnt exist, then her identity wouldnt exist.

Yes. All in all, I identify with little of gay or lesbian culture. In part it is because I came out later so I did not grow up within gay spaces or around a lot of gay people. But another part of it was that I didn’t identify with what was being presented to me as “gay” or “lesbian” and so I thought what I was feeling must be something else. And “bisexual” did not seem accurate either.

It took me a longass time to meet a single out lesbian and even longer to meet one I could relate to. The FtM’s idea that she “would know she’s gay” even if she never met another human being seems ludicrous and mirrors the transbians saying they knew the heterosexual sex they were having was “queer” or that they loved women in a “queer” way. Nothing feels “queer” about my sexual or romantic interactions with women. I’m just very attracted to women on a visceral and psychological level. But it just feels normal and natural, not queer. I feel none of that toward men. I have no drive or interest beyond friendship. I feel like if I had not been presented with pervasive examples of heterosexuality in my life it would never have occurred to me that I should try to partner with a man.

It’s the sum of this that makes me know I’m gay. But I did need to be shown what it looked like for two women to be together in order to recognize my feelings as indications that I was exclusively attracted to women and should actively partner with women (and not just think about it). I never “felt gay.” I still do not “feel gay.” I have zero internal feeling of gay identity. A lot of the time I don’t even think of myself as gay or lesbian or include myself mentally when I hear those words. I definitely don’t think “we” when I hear “the LGBT(Q) Community” and feel even more isolated from it by the day.

The idea that if you’re gay you just know independent of anything else was harmful to me. And it’s also a total nonsense. And if you have an internal gay identity but you are not homosexual and are in fact heterosexual, no fucking wonder you feel dysphoria from trying to utilize tired stereotypes to shove yourself into a box that was not meant for you.