LGB ErasureJulie Bindel: There's no gay gene – and I love the idea I chose to be a lesbian

submitted by yousaythosethingsFind and Replace "gatekeeping" with "having boundaries" from newstatesman.com

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[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

That was a very long post but I appreciate that you took the time to think it through and write back to me.

I feel like I've been roped into defending a woman I don't even agree with, ultimately it's not my call whether she's a lesbian or not. The idea that homosexuality is a choice is certainly harmful.

I jumped in because the train of double standards about bisexual identity had started rolling and I felt like it was a battle to fight.

You can't diagnose non-conformist gay people as bisexual against their will based on implications taken from their attitudes (I know you weren't doing this! Several other people were.)

Most of those people are also regulars on the threads that mock and deride bisexual women who have only had heterosexual relationships, apparently unaware or not caring that those women fall under the same standard that a secretly bisexual lesbian theoretically would.

So... I wanted to tell them they were wrong and to knock it off. My opinion of Julie Bindel really isn't relevant. I've never liked radfems anyway.

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

You can't diagnose non-conformist gay people as bisexual against their will based on implications taken from their attitudes (I know you weren't doing this! Several other people were.)

I completely agree. I do think it's strange that some people jump to this very fast when there may be multiple other reasonable and likely explanations for someone's behavior besides being bisexual.

My opinion of Julie Bindel really isn't relevant.

I don't think your opinion is irrelevant! I only mean to point out some history behind her actions, and why I (and many other people here, it seems) are frustrated with her actions.

Thanks for reading my response. I think we probably agree on a lot more than disagree, and simultaneously, it is hard not to get into heated discussions on these topics, lol. There is so much censorship going on around LGB topics online, and I think it's probably safe to say that the majority of us on this sub have few (if any) people we can talk to IRL about LGB topics. I'm surrounded by militant pro- gender identity people, myself, and the isolation that comes from knowing many people in my community would hate me like poison if they knew my beliefs is frustrating; it's hard sometimes to not bring that weight to conversations on this sub.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I bring a whole different weight and raw spots into convos 😉 I also can't talk to people in real life about LGB topics in full, only piecemeal- one topic with this person I know isn't afraid of it, that topic with the person who's a little less mainstream... etc.

I try to pick my battles and only argue with people when something concrete can be discussed.

It's hard not to veer off into fights on this sub just based on the fact that we're all so different from each other, in more ways than just our orientations. I feel like we get our wires crossed a lot without realizing it.

I think I've told you this before, but you always go out of your way to be respectful and try to understand where bisexuals are coming from and I appreciate it. It means a lot.