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[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 33 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 0 fun34 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I'm never going to "unpack my preferences" because a) I can’t help what I’m attracted to, and b) there’s nothing wrong with my sexual orientation. If this makes me a bigot in their eyes, then so be it. I don’t need everybody to like me. In fact, it’s time people stopped trying to get everybody to like us, because you’re not free if you're trying to please everybody. So yeah, I’m not going to "unpack my preferences" for people I don’t know and for people I don’t like. And I certainly will never betray my own nature for drag queens, who in my opinion, should not be the ambassadors for the gay, lesbian and bisexual communities to the straight community.

[–]Virginia_Plain 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Love it. My lightbulb moment came when I was being lectured on something like this, and realized that this woman had no interest at all in whether what she was asking was appropriate or reasonable for gay men. It was not delivered in the form of a question ("have you ever thought of..."), but a demand: overcome your bigotry! Do as I say! There was no interest in who I was or what I was about, just that I needed to get with her FTM friend to suit her.

Why would I want to be in the good graces of someone like that?

People like Bob seem to like all sorts of people, being a pansexual and all. Good for him. But if someone needs to do soul-searching and "unpacking" ( which is wokenese for "changing," as I doubt people would gracefully accept any other result), in order to be attracted to someone, it is not in their interest.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Thankfully, I have never been shamed into dating a trans person. But I can imagine it must have been frustrating for you to get this woman and her "gay" best friend to leave you alone.

[–]Virginia_Plain 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Actually, the FTM person seemed embarrassed in this case. I consider....her....a friend actually. I was not shamed into doing anything, though I wish I wasn't so apologetic at the time. It did get me thinking though. I was very unthinkingly progressive at the time, but I realized there was something about this that did not sit right with me.

I thought back to my own experiences of being after a straight man: how unrealistic my expectations were, my disappointment in realizing that this emotionally intimate friend was not wanting to take things closer, etc. But the anger, the rage at him, was not there. I realized that it would be horrible to treat him that way, so why should I roll over for anyone who asks something like that of me?

I came to the conclusion that I was not rationalizing my prejudice, and I had every right to say no and not feel bad about it.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Good on you for learning. We learn, we grow. And good on that FTM for not supporting that woman who lectured you. If I was lectured by anyone over my sexual orientation, I’d stand my ground reaffirm my request that any boyfriend I'd get has a penis. I’d let the person end ties with me if this bothered the person so much that I have "genital preferences".

Don’t feel bad about apologising. You shouldn’t have done that, it was a mistake, but a mistake can be a positive experience if you learn from it, which you did. You know what to do next time. Besides, if you’re not used to confrontations like this, it’s natural you’re going to be agreeable just to get out of the situation. Standing up for yourself comes with experience.

[–]Virginia_Plain 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Yes. While I consider myself "leftish" my dealings with frankly childish people has soured my outlook on the radical fringe people. What really drove the nail in was the constant demands that I find money to donate to them. I did physically demanding warehouse work 50 hours a week. They clearly saw the work as beneath them when I talked about it....and yet after I came home from this degrading job I was supposed to parcel out my spare cash for someone's "reparations car." Meanwhile, my own vehicle was a 14 year old Corolla with a check engine light and in need of a new clock spring.

I would constantly hear about some of these people going to New Orleans, the Bay area, even Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Their facebook feeds showed them in exotic outfits in warehouse parties and raves held in the woods. I mean, I got to dress weird and do drugs too sometimes, but when I could get a weekend off and save up a few bucks for that bag of mushrooms.

But there was a strange disconnect between this anarcho-communist, gender smashing presentation and the sheer cost of what they did, and it didn't add up. I felt suckered. "Twas a grift, my dear warrior.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m neither on the left, nor the right. Well, I have views that are right wing and views that are left wing. And there are nutters on both the left, the right and the centre. Being a social justice warrior or a purity spiralist is not an ideology, it’s a mentality. And people with such extreme views are often either shielded from reality (like your woke "friends" who demand you give money to certain causes and go on expensive holidays, or like Richard Spencer, who is wealthy enough to avoid a good lawyer to get him out of trouble), or they have been through such hard times and never fully recovered, and they don’t know how to trust other people as a result, or they are incredibly socially awkward and don’t understand humanity.

You’re a hard worker, and that’s a good thing. And you will become physically stronger from it. Work smarter as well, but being a hard worker will benefit you in the long run. Save your money as well, and only spend it on necessities and the occasional takeout, day out or night out as a treat. Don’t waste it on causes just to feel good, only donate to charities you care about and charities you trust. But you’ll be alright. Unlike those spoilt brats who sit around all day living on their parents wages or working easy jobs, spending money on luxuries most people cannot afford, which is fine, except that these same people whine about wanting everything to be free and handed to them. Ironically, these same people become capitalists as soon as they start "earning" lots of money, like the former leader of BLM, who now owns four houses. They say they’re socialists, but at heart, they’re neoliberals.