all 30 comments

[–]Criticallacitirc[S] 40 insightful - 5 fun40 insightful - 4 fun41 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

Straight Presenting, only has straight relationships.

But I'm totes gay & oppressed!

[–]usehername 28 insightful - 9 fun28 insightful - 8 fun29 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

gAy iS aN uMbReLLa TeRm i rEaD iT oN TuMbLr.cOm

[–][deleted] 36 insightful - 5 fun36 insightful - 4 fun37 insightful - 5 fun -  (6 children)

Agender panromantic demi femme here, married to a femme cis bi demi guy

That's a lot of words for straight.

I'm also not sure what these people think femme means, but men and straight woman can't be femme.

[–][deleted] 24 insightful - 3 fun24 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

I THINK ... it might be a bisexual girly-girl who like bisexual femboys.

Maybe. I'm trying to interpret it through middle-school/high-school speak, and that's the only way it makes sense to me.

[–][deleted] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Just more of their ongoing efforts to erase everything related to lesbians.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I thought it just meant '(stereotypically) feminine'. What does it mean?

[–][deleted] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's a lesbian who is feminine, it's the counterpart to butch.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I see, I didn't realise it was specific to lesbians. Thank you

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Previous to the last few years, I always thought it was a very specific lesbian dating thing. Femmes play up their femininity and often seek out butches.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 38 insightful - 1 fun38 insightful - 0 fun39 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

How can you feel pride if you've never felt shame?

These women need to clarify what exactly their gay experience is. It has to be asked.

[–]ArthnoldManacatsaman🇬🇧🌳🟦 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

How can you feel pride if you've never felt shame?

This is genius. Squirelling this away for future arguments.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 16 insightful - 4 fun16 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

Needs to be on a tshirt in the drop the t gift shop

[–]usehername 35 insightful - 1 fun35 insightful - 0 fun36 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Girl you could've just said "bi pride". People are telling you you're "not gay enough" because you're not fucking gay. You're bi.

I actually very much support bi people like this (dating history with only one sex) in coming out because it raises awareness for closeted bisexuals that no, it's not normal for straight people to "experiment" with the same sex and enjoy it, or for lesbian/gay people to "experiment" with the opposite sex and enjoy it, yes, it's normal for bi people to only have dating history with one sex (usually opposite but more frequently than you'd think, same); it helps dispel the "sexuality is fluid" myths that this type of bisexual is likely to believe which is helpful to all LGB because it preserves the rigid definitions of the orientations.

Also lol, the only thing remotely feminine about the second lady's husband is his pink jacket.

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

And pink was a 'guy' colour up until World War 2 anyway, so if anything, it's the opposite of feminine.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Did you get that from QI? 😉

[–]lovelyspearmintLesbeing a lesbian 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Probably? And girls used to wear blue (whales).

[–]insta 21 insightful - 3 fun21 insightful - 2 fun22 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

femme cis bi demi guy

When you're so woke that you have super rigid views of gender roles

[–]cutenoobies 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

This makes a mockery of our struggle as gay people. These people never would have associated with gay men and women back in the days, but now that it is cute they want in. Fuck them.

[–]RedEyedWarriorGay | Male | 🇮🇪 Irish 🇮🇪 | Antineoliberal | Cocks are Compulsory 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I once heard that 75% of women who claim to be bisexual are not bisexual at all. Is that true?

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think it's possible to determine that. I do think the loudest and proudest bisexuals seem to be women who've never experienced much suffering in life and aren't intending to pursue relationships with women, so I have to wonder what their point is.

It doesn't cost them anything to claim the identity, in fact they appear to gain from it.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Much of the demographic data we have basically relies on self-report of people who are even willing to take a survey in the first place. We also don't (yet) have a technique to quantitatively or qualitatively assess female sexuality (with maybe the exception of homosexual women.) I also see issues where researches are trying to assess orientation in men and women in the exact same way. E.g. via plethysmography by showing them the same stimuli. Well, hate to break it to you, but it's pretty obvious that men and women do not use the same erotic material when they're given the choice.

On the overall, female sexuality is under-studied and under-theorized. We're asking for self-report, but we usually don't discern between several salient dimensions: identity, desire (and its quality,) and behavior.

[–]usehername 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I haven't heard that. How was that determined?

Counter-stat: in the U.S., only 28% of bisexuals are out to their closest friends and family as opposed to 71% of lesbians and 77% of gay men.

https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/pew-study-majority-of-bisexuals-still-in-the-closet/

[–]Aaran 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think that's true. Actually It seems a lot of women who have same sex experience identify as straight. See this stats

[–]Femaleisnthateful 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Literally can't tell if that person is trolling, or not.

[–]DropTheT 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Theyre not. And notice how their "connection" the gay community isnt uplifting and empowering and celebrating homosexuals or same sex relationships? It's all about personal identification to them, not political like civil rights, gay marriage, our culture, bullying and confronting dehumanization. The closest thing she probably experienced as a same sex attraction was fetishizing some woman or touching a boob at 16 years old. It's about making it about her. And there are a lot of these people floating around waiting to paint gays and lesbians as evil for not "recognizing" them.

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I think there's a disconnect between the gay community and the much larger outside world.

Straight people, especially political liberals, see same-sex attraction as something that needs to be sussed out and confessed. Any girl who exhibits lesbian tendencies as a teenager gets relentlessly harassed to "accept herself." The straight definition of gay is anything not purely gold star STRAIGHT.

Women's sexual decisions are often reflective of pressures from our environment rather than sincere self-actualization. It's always helpful to think "who's pushing her into this?" when women are behaving oddly about sex.

My two cents, obviously, basing this on personal experience though.

[–]DropTheT 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Although people like that exist, that type of pressure seems more of a problem with bisexual men . The "one drop rule" applies to them and the purity of their masculinity being tainted by homosexuality.

Even most bisexuals seem to acknowledge this but deeply misunderstand why it happens: "it seems everyone thinks bi people worship dick..bisexual women are slandered as dick worshippers who just say theyre bi for attention and bisexual men are slandered as just on their way to being gay men but theyre in denial".

In the most barbaric countries around the world, even 1 drop of "homosexuality" permanently taints a man even if he's 99% straight but lesbianism is just laughed out of the room as a joke and dismissed as a theory or hobby with no death penalty or punishment.

I've just noticed that the flood of these types of women that gays and lesbians were eager to align themselves with have a massive empathy gap that leads to conflict because one is about personal identification and socialization (fun) and the other is more concerned with civil rights and building a resilient community that can weather the tides of homophobia from heterosexuals since theyre not going away anytime soon.

One other thing i'll add is this: There is a power dynamic these types of people tend to leverage through homophobia and their privilege and it's so toxic and self destructive that it's now looping back on to them. A lot of bisexuals are in a "recruiting mode" where they have deep misunderstandings of what internalized homophobia is. They think it's self hatred but it also includes deep brainwashing by heterosexuals that you cant possibly be gay.

Bisexuals can be ruthless in their competition with the gays/lesbians they want to accept them in their community and try to use their vulnerabilities against them and it ends up ruining them in the end. One example is the "grooming" they do for recruitment by spreading rhetoric about fluid sexualities and even when older gays and lesbians pleaded with them to change their rhetoric, they just saw a weakness they could take advantage of. The gay community was there to help gay/lesbian kids overcome their homophobia and recognize that theyre gay...but the bisexuals are now holding on to a gigantic tsunami of confused, vulnerable gay kids they insist are bisexuals who, after stealing 10, maybe 15 years from them, will all be ticking time bombs and wil come out as gay and validate that bisexuality is just a stepping stone to full blown homosexuality. Instead of entering the community to nurture these vulnerable homosexuals, sometimes kids, they manipulated them to inflate their numbers and it'll just end up causing a massive "branding" problem for them since in the end no amount of grooming or propaganda can do stop them from realizing theyre gay.

I think most gays and lesbians know bisexuals arent the ones pulling the strings and creating all these pressures. Heterosexuals are. No matter how nice they are, heterosexuals are homophobic their core and maybe that's just natural for them. But even when you tell bisexuals that there are strings attached to their arms while theyre holding the knife, they usually just shrug and see it as another reason to not help or deflect responsibility.

It's a long comment, i know. But there was so much subtext within your reply that i wanted to address.

[–]Socialjustus 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

[–]PatsyStoneMaverique 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Anecdata from a dating app. I don't think it's news to anyone that there are women who exclusively date the opposite sex who will trumpet about being bisexual. It's the topic of the OP.

Dating apps do not reflect real life, they have their own culture and people engage in behavior on them that they don't in their daily lives.